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Author Topic: SIL and patience  (Read 5629 times)

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weeblewobble

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Re: SIL and patience
« Reply #15 on: April 05, 2012, 01:17:08 PM »
Sometimes she even take the PA route and goes so over the top in trying to do what we've asked such as "don't get in her face, she doesn't like it." my SIL will say, "I guess and I can't talk to her or give her a kiss since that would be getting in her face.
"

What I have learned about these PA comments is that you have to take what they say at face value.  Because what they want you to say is, "Oh, no!  That's not what we meant, do whatever you want!"  Instead, you just give them what they say they want.

Example: "I guess and I can't talk to her or give her a kiss since that would be getting in her face."
Your response: "OK, then."

Example: "I guess I won't EVER be able to babysit ellebaby again, since you don't want me to take over the way she's diapered/fed/put down for naps."
Your response: "OK, then."

Example: "I guess I should just stop giving you advice, since you know SO much more about babies than me." 
Your response: "OK, then."

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

"OK, then."

One day I will write a book called, "How to Win Battles of Wit With the Witless."

:)

Twik

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Re: SIL and patience
« Reply #16 on: April 05, 2012, 02:37:37 PM »
Does SIL actually identify herself as "childfree", or is she merely currently without children?  Most childfree people would be content to let the parents do the parenting (assuming no obvious danger to the child, of course). Soulds like SIL is suffering from baby envy.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

ellebelle

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  • I am L^2 and my favorite color is Damask
Re: SIL and patience
« Reply #17 on: April 06, 2012, 11:46:24 AM »
Twik, I think you hit the nail on the head. I use child-free to give her the benefit of the doubt.  She does frequently like to mention that she will never have children, etc but my husband and I have mentioned that she has options for children if that is something she is passionate about, but we just here the pity party about how she will never have children, no one would ever marry her, etc.

My DH has mentioned that when we married he thinks she felt, and still feels, very resentful of me because she would became less important in my DH life. I think she wants to be seen as the most important woman in his life and when their mom died she felt that she should have that ranking but my DH has said to me that I and our daughter are the most important women in his life.
- Well behaved women rarely make history


Kirbi

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Re: SIL and patience
« Reply #18 on: April 06, 2012, 11:56:47 AM »
My DH has mentioned that when we married he thinks she felt, and still feels, very resentful of me because she would became less important in my DH life. I think she wants to be seen as the most important woman in his life and when their mom died she felt that she should have that ranking but my DH has said to me that I and our daughter are the most important women in his life.

If that's true, it's incredibly self involved of her - to a  :o extent. Honestly, my younger brother and I are incredibly close, but he fully accepts that my SO is my priority, and any reference to future children focuses on him liking the fact that he'll be able to play with them and then return them.  :P

Given your suspicions about her desire to have children of her own, is there a chance that she's trying to prove her suitableness as a caretaker for your daughter? As in, she want's to be the 'go-to' for when you guys need a babysitter and she's trying to prove that she'd be the best choice by pretending expert status on everything baby related.

Of course, that's still no excuse for her behaviour, but maybe some hints could be dropped to show that it's not working? Other than this, weeblewobble's advice is spot on for combating the PA comments.