good news and bad news

[bellacullen]

yay!!! i was told today that I’m going to be captain of my cheerleading squad in my senior year (barring any behavior or grade issues from me) i’m way super excited. unfortunately bree, who was competing with me for captain is so not nearly as excited.  she thinks that i should forgo being captain next year because cheerleading is not my only extra curricular on my college apps (it is hers). so like i’m supposed to give up what i’ve worked hard for, for the last four years, because she didn’t think ahead to college? 

anyway…she has totally been making comments about me to the other girls on the squad since we found out before practice this afternoon. bailey just called me and told me that molly called her who told her that rachel called her and said she got a text from bree that said that the only reason I was picked to be the captain next year is because my parents bought all of the uniforms so that we wouldn’t have to fundraise for them and we could focus on being the best we could for our competitions. (btw we totally took home first place in state)  anyway, i have to practice with her 6 days a week. we are getting ready for nationals. how am i supposed to act around her? i mean should i tell her that rachel called molly who called bailey who called me and so i know what she has been saying??? or should i pretend like she hasn’t said anything at all? bailey is my bff we are not only in cheerleading together but also sga and debate so i think molly knew bailey would call me and tell me.

if it makes any difference gpa wise bree and i are also top two in our grade so will be competing for valedictorian next year as well. i want to go onto an ivy league school when i graduate and have been working really hard to make my goals a reality. i don’t think i have ever rubbed anything in bree’s face. i always thought we were friends. just last weekend we went to disney together with some other friends.  i’m actually really sad about this. are there any suggestions for me to be able to deal with bree and still save our friendship? please

[Harriet Jones]

Wow, it kinda sounds like you're living in an episode of Glee.  Can you talk with your coach or the guidance counselor about it?

[bellacullen]

Wow, it kinda sounds like you're living in an episode of Glee.  Can you talk with your coach or the guidance counselor about it?

i can't discuss it with my coach. she doesn't like it when we make fun of each other. that would only result in the both of us having to run laps. i could talk to our guidance counselor but she isn't really all that caring. kind of like that person at the school who is really just collecting a paycheck.

[Harriet Jones]

Some other authority figure, then? I'm sure there's got to be at least a few adults who care about the students at your school.  It's pretty hard for a bunch of random internet strangers to "fix" a situation like this.

[LeveeWoman]

Wow, it kinda sounds like you're living in an episode of Glee.  Can you talk with your coach or the guidance counselor about it?

I agree. You should turn to the adults in charge of your squad.

[LeveeWoman]

Wow, it kinda sounds like you're living in an episode of Glee.  Can you talk with your coach or the guidance counselor about it?

i can't discuss it with my coach. she doesn't like it when we make fun of each other. that would only result in the both of us having to run laps. i could talk to our guidance counselor but she isn't really all that caring. kind of like that person at the school who is really just collecting a paycheck.

Whoa. Your own coach will not listen to the young women under her authority? Neither will the guidance counselor?

Is there anyone else in authority?

[Moray]

Wow, it kinda sounds like you're living in an episode of Glee.  Can you talk with your coach or the guidance counselor about it?

i can't discuss it with my coach. she doesn't like it when we make fun of each other. that would only result in the both of us having to run laps. i could talk to our guidance counselor but she isn't really all that caring. kind of like that person at the school who is really just collecting a paycheck.

Whoa. Your own coach will not listen to the young women under her authority? Neither will the guidance counselor?

Is there anyone else in authority?

Maybe a teacher you both know?

[bellacullen]

Wow, it kinda sounds like you're living in an episode of Glee.  Can you talk with your coach or the guidance counselor about it?

i can't discuss it with my coach. she doesn't like it when we make fun of each other. that would only result in the both of us having to run laps. i could talk to our guidance counselor but she isn't really all that caring. kind of like that person at the school who is really just collecting a paycheck.

Whoa. Your own coach will not listen to the young women under her authority? Neither will the guidance counselor?

Is there anyone else in authority?

i spoke to my mom and dad. they said for now i should just ignore her. they said that she is probably just upset right now and will get over it. my mom said that the gossip tree sprouted. basically bree told one person who couldn't keep it to herself and then it grew from there.

my dad said that if i am reallyvbothered by it that i could have a sit down with bree and let her know that what she said bothered me and see if we can move past it.

i'm texting bree now to see if she would like to get together tomorrow after school but before practice.

thanks for taking the time to read this and respond. 

[Moray]

Wow, it kinda sounds like you're living in an episode of Glee.  Can you talk with your coach or the guidance counselor about it?

i can't discuss it with my coach. she doesn't like it when we make fun of each other. that would only result in the both of us having to run laps. i could talk to our guidance counselor but she isn't really all that caring. kind of like that person at the school who is really just collecting a paycheck.

Whoa. Your own coach will not listen to the young women under her authority? Neither will the guidance counselor?

Is there anyone else in authority?

i spoke to my mom and dad. they said for now i should just ignore her. they said that she is probably just upset right now and will get over it. my mom said that the gossip tree sprouted. basically bree told one person who couldn't keep it to herself and then it grew from there.

my dad said that if i am reallyvbothered by it that i could have a sit down with bree and let her know that what she said bothered me and see if we can move past it.

i'm texting bree now to see if she would like to get together tomorrow after school but before practice.

thanks for taking the time to read this and respond.

It seems like your parents have given you some really sensible advice. Good luck!

[TootsNYC]

I would vote for a slight cooling off of your relationship with Bree.

Don't get frosty--just don't be quite as friendly. Be pleasant, but don't be chummy. Don't seek her out anymore outside of the squad.

This is a good practice for you, for later. In how to "be professional" and not let the personal interfere with work.

And then just model "proper behavior" for all the girls on the squad.

In fact, this is what I think the major role of a team captain is--to serve as an example in terms of decorum, interpersonal relationships, dedication to the squad, etc.  (I'd say, "how would a grownup behave in this situation?" but not only is that patronizing, it's also unhelpful, bcs plenty of grownups behave badly. So instead I'll suggest for you the role model *I* have in my own head: "channel your inner daycare worker." In other words, "keep calm and carry on." Be calm, be pleasant, don't stoop to finger-pointing or justifying.)

Also, give the other girls room to not have to be involved in the drama. Be dedicated to insisting on a "drama free" zone around you, which will also let the OTHER girls ignore this until it blows over.

Another reason why not to get into it: The more you actually *address* this, the more you send a subtle message that she might be right, and that you are reacting because you're defensive, and that you're defensive because she's right.

She's being immature and petty; she's letting her personal disappointment lead her into unprofessional behavior. So *you* model for *her* (and for everyone else) how it is that she *SHOULD* have acted when she found out.

[Mental Magpie]

I like the advice above, especially what your parents told you, but do not whatsoever bring up "bailey just called me and told me that molly called her who told her that rachel called her and said she got a text from bree that said...".  You don't know that's actually what happened or specifically what was said.  Remember that game in elementary school called "Telephone"?  By the time the word "yellow" got to the end of twenty people it came out as "shipyard".

Also, when you post, please use proper punctuation and capitalization.  It was incredibly difficult to read your post in some parts.

[Firecat]

I like the advice above, especially what your parents told you, but do not whatsoever bring up "bailey just called me and told me that molly called her who told her that rachel called her and said she got a text from bree that said...".  You don't know that's actually what happened or specifically what was said.  Remember that game in elementary school called "Telephone"?  By the time the word "yellow" got to the end of twenty people it came out as "shipyard".

Also, when you post, please use proper punctuation and capitalization.  It was incredibly difficult to read your post in some parts.

POD. If Bree is making nasty comments behind your back, she's most likely making herself look far worse than she's making you look. I'd think about finding a way of gently discouraging the others on the squad from passing on this kind of thing. It's not productive, it's not helpful, it's not kind, and as Toots pointed out above, it's not professional.

Maybe, when someone starts in on one of those chains, you could say something like, "Please don't pass this kind of thing on to me. If someone has an issue with me, I'd rather they come directly to me so we can work it out. Otherwise it just creates lots of bad feelings, and nothing gets solved." Put that in your own words, of course.

And at least for now, I'd suggest not telling anyone on the squad anything you don't want broadcast.

[diesel_darlin]

I like the advice above, especially what your parents told you, but do not whatsoever bring up "bailey just called me and told me that molly called her who told her that rachel called her and said she got a text from bree that said...".  You don't know that's actually what happened or specifically what was said.  Remember that game in elementary school called "Telephone"?  By the time the word "yellow" got to the end of twenty people it came out as "shipyard".

Also, when you post, please use proper punctuation and capitalization.  It was incredibly difficult to read your post in some parts.

This. Exactly this. And like PP's have said, your parents gave you some wonderful advice. Dont let things get to you. You obviously show the desirable characteristics of a captain, or they wouldnt have chosen you. Hold your head up high, be the best captain you can be, and dont worry about the drama. Because after next year, when all of you are away at different colleges, are these people even going to matter?

and since Firecat posted while I was typing, Ill park a POD with their post as well.

[AustenFan]

Wow, it kinda sounds like you're living in an episode of Glee.

Ha! And, eerily similar, you're right.

OP, it sounds like you've got some great advice from this board and your parents. I just had to let Lady Redundant know I dug her comment.

[ShanghaiJill]

That was very nice of your parents to buy the uniforms.    Bree is not being very gracious or appreciative of this fact when she is undermining you.

Since you will be captain, you can set a good example for the squad by ignoring her cattiness.

(mee-yow!)