good news and bad news

[Zilla]

Wow, it kinda sounds like you're living in an episode of Glee.  Can you talk with your coach or the guidance counselor about it?

i can't discuss it with my coach. she doesn't like it when we make fun of each other. that would only result in the both of us having to run laps. i could talk to our guidance counselor but she isn't really all that caring. kind of like that person at the school who is rea[size=78%]lly just collecting a paycheck.[/size]

Can you use capitals? It makes it easier to read, thanks.


First off congratulations on winning state!  And being captain next year.  And if it isn't Bree, it will be someone else whining about it.  I would just ignore her completely and enjoy your successes.


You will always run into people your whole life bitter about your successes and they will say anything to degrade you.  Unfortunately people never grow up.  This board is full of stories about these people.


Best revenge, comeback, response is to be happy and completely not letting it affect you at all.  It will make them all the more bitter.

[Giggity]

anyway…she has totally been making comments about me to the other girls on the squad since we found out before practice this afternoon. bailey just called me and told me that molly called her who told her that rachel called her and said she got a text from bree that said that the only reason I was picked to be the captain next year is because my parents bought all of the uniforms so that we wouldn’t have to fundraise for them and we could focus on being the best we could for our competitions. (btw we totally took home first place in state)  anyway, i have to practice with her 6 days a week. we are getting ready for nationals. how am i supposed to act around her? i mean should i tell her that rachel called molly who called bailey who called me and so i know what she has been saying??? or should i pretend like she hasn’t said anything at all? bailey is my bff we are not only in cheerleading together but also sga and debate so i think molly knew bailey would call me and tell me.

This is where I got lost.

[Zilla]

... because my parents bought all of the uniforms so that we wouldn’t have to fundraise for them and we could focus on being the best we could for our competitions. (btw we totally took home first place in state)  anyway, i have to practice with her 6 days a week. we are getting ready for nationals. how am i supposed to act around her?....

I am super confused, I just remembered I saw nationals already this year and double checked, Nationals were earlier this year.  What nationals are you preparing for?  You mentioned states, so I know you are in the US.  I looked and couldn't find any National competitions anywhere that is coming up in the next few months.

[NyaChan]

... because my parents bought all of the uniforms so that we wouldn’t have to fundraise for them and we could focus on being the best we could for our competitions. (btw we totally took home first place in state)  anyway, i have to practice with her 6 days a week. we are getting ready for nationals. how am i supposed to act around her?....

I am super confused, I just remembered I saw nationals already this year and double checked, Nationals were earlier this year.  What nationals are you preparing for?  You mentioned states, so I know you are in the US.  I looked and couldn't find any National competitions anywhere that is coming up in the next few months.

I wondered about that as well.  You are in high school cheerleading right?

[WillyNilly]

You've gotten some excellent advice so far.

But I'd like to add - please also have some empathy, understanding and patience. Just because you ended up being the most deserving of captain doesn't mean Bree was totally undeserving of it. Yes she apparently made a nasty commet, but she did so in the heat of the moment. It was one unfortunate comment to one friend as an immediate reaction. If she had won, would you have really not vented anything, to anyone? Would you have not been disappointed, bummed, a bit scared about college?

Also as far as your reaction to all this - think about sportsmanship. As winner did you go over and shake her hand and congratulate her on being a worthy opponent? You are a leader now and you need to take the high road. Bree is disappointed but one comment doesn't mean she's planning a mutany, it means she's a normal teenager who got bummed out and let it show for a moment.

[NyaChan]

You've gotten some excellent advice so far.

But I'd like to add - please also have some empathy, understanding and patience. Just because you ended up being the most deserving of captain doesn't mean Bree was totally undeserving of it. Yes she apparently made a nasty commet, but she did so in the heat of the moment. It was one unfortunate comment to one friend as an immediate reaction. If she had won, would you have really not vented anything, to anyone? Would you have not been disappointed, bummed, a bit scared about college?

Also as far as your reaction to all this - think about sportsmanship. As winner did you go over and shake her hand and congratulate her on being a worthy opponent? You are a leader now and you need to take the high road. Bree is disappointed but one comment doesn't mean she's planning a mutany, it means she's a normal teenager who got bummed out and let it show for a moment.

That is a really good point WillyNilly - I'll admit, I'll say things to a friend in a moment of anger or disappointment that I would not want known to all of my social group.  This is information that perhaps was not meant to reach your ears, or even go past the original person who was told.  Was it nice or sportsmanlike? No.  But it is human.  In the end, you are the one who received the honor, so maybe you can look at the cost as being a some jealousy from your teammates to make things easier.

[Firecat]

You've gotten some excellent advice so far.

But I'd like to add - please also have some empathy, understanding and patience. Just because you ended up being the most deserving of captain doesn't mean Bree was totally undeserving of it. Yes she apparently made a nasty commet, but she did so in the heat of the moment. It was one unfortunate comment to one friend as an immediate reaction. If she had won, would you have really not vented anything, to anyone? Would you have not been disappointed, bummed, a bit scared about college?

Also as far as your reaction to all this - think about sportsmanship. As winner did you go over and shake her hand and congratulate her on being a worthy opponent? You are a leader now and you need to take the high road. Bree is disappointed but one comment doesn't mean she's planning a mutany, it means she's a normal teenager who got bummed out and let it show for a moment.

That is a really good point WillyNilly - I'll admit, I'll say things to a friend in a moment of anger or disappointment that I would not want known to all of my social group.  This is information that perhaps was not meant to reach your ears, or even go past the original person who was told.  Was it nice or sportsmanlike? No.  But it is human.  In the end, you are the one who received the honor, so maybe you can look at the cost as being a some jealousy from your teammates to make things easier.

POD to this, too. Any time you receive an honor or take on a leadership role, there will always be those who will want to tear you down, and/or will be upset and jealous. Consider this good practice for learning to deal with people like this later in life. If you can learn now to deal with these folks with dignity, compassion, and grace (at least in public...), it will stand you in good stead in years to come.

And one other piece of advice - vent to your parents, start a diary (on paper) and lock it up, and use those mechanisms to express any anger and frustration you may feel over the unkind and unfair things you may hear from others. But keep it outside the squad.

[bellacullen]

... because my parents bought all of the uniforms so that we wouldn?t have to fundraise for them and we could focus on being the best we could for our competitions. (btw we totally took home first place in state)  anyway, i have to practice with her 6 days a week. we are getting ready for nationals. how am i supposed to act around her?....

I am super confused, I just remembered I saw nationals already this year and double checked, Nationals were earlier this year.  What nationals are you preparing for?  You mentioned states, so I know you are in the US.  I looked and couldn't find any National competitions anywhere that is coming up in the next few months.

I'm on my phone so sorry if this comes out wonky.

Zilla - Our competition is coming up on April 22. So not too much longer practice wise.

NyaChan - yes I am in high school. Nearing the end of my junior year

WillyNilly - you brought up a good point. Coach told me after school but before practice. She announced it to the squad towards the end of practice. I did not at any time congratulate her or show any empathy for her. I just stood up and made my little speech about how happy I was and never even thought about her feelings. I guess that makes me a bad person/captain.

She txt me back last night and said that she would like to get together after school/before practice. I'm going to try and get a feel for her feelings but I might not say anything about knowing what she said.

To everyone who commented on my punctuation. Sorry about that. I will capitalize from now on. 

Ok I gotta go. I'm nearing the end of first period and can't get caught with my phone. Ttyl

[oogyda]

Like, totally, dude....just ignore.

For future reference, Ivy League schools do look at language skills, such as capitalization, punctuation and word usage when considering applications. 

[Firecat]

... because my parents bought all of the uniforms so that we wouldn?t have to fundraise for them and we could focus on being the best we could for our competitions. (btw we totally took home first place in state)  anyway, i have to practice with her 6 days a week. we are getting ready for nationals. how am i supposed to act around her?....

I am super confused, I just remembered I saw nationals already this year and double checked, Nationals were earlier this year.  What nationals are you preparing for?  You mentioned states, so I know you are in the US.  I looked and couldn't find any National competitions anywhere that is coming up in the next few months.

I'm on my phone so sorry if this comes out wonky.

Zilla - Our competition is coming up on April 22. So not too much longer practice wise.

NyaChan - yes I am in high school. Nearing the end of my junior year

WillyNilly - you brought up a good point. Coach told me after school but before practice. She announced it to the squad towards the end of practice. I did not at any time congratulate her or show any empathy for her. I just stood up and made my little speech about how happy I was and never even thought about her feelings. I guess that makes me a bad person/captain.

She txt me back last night and said that she would like to get together after school/before practice. I'm going to try and get a feel for her feelings but I might not say anything about knowing what she said.

To everyone who commented on my punctuation. Sorry about that. I will capitalize from now on. 

Ok I gotta go. I'm nearing the end of first period and can't get caught with my phone. Ttyl

Nope, not a bad person - just someone who is still learning. When you get together, why not start out by apologizing for forgetting to congratulate or acknowledge her? Don't apologize for being chosen as captain, but just for forgetting to include her specifically in your speech. That might go a long way toward easing her hurt feelings - or at least be a good start.

[Zilla]

Oh okay I see the competition for the 22nd.  My bad, i was looking at the official high school affiliated competitions.  Not the private ones.  It threw me off when you mentioned it was a school cheer team and won state.

[bopper]

I would talk to your coach...but do it factually.

 "Coach, I want to let you know that Bree is having some issues with me being s/elected Captain.  She is complaining to the other girls.  What can I do to make her more comfortable?"

[WillyNilly]

Another idea could be to talk to the current captain - presumably last year (and the year before that, and the year before that, etc) the new captains have dealt with disappointment and jealousy from fellow teammates over their not being picked as captain.

[Seraphia]

Another idea could be to talk to the current captain - presumably last year (and the year before that, and the year before that, etc) the new captains have dealt with disappointment and jealousy from fellow teammates over their not being picked as captain.

I think WillyNilly's got a good idea - if you know the girl who was captain last year, maybe she's got some good tips. Presumably, she even dealt with some of the same personalities, since there's probably a lot of the same people on the team this year.

I know you said you don't want to bring it up with your coach, since she doesn't like it when the cattiness/texting stuff breaks out. But, it might be worth it to go to your coach, just to say: "Hey Coach, Bree seems pretty disappointed that I beat her out for captain. Any suggestions for how to keep the team on the same page and not get dramatic about it?" My Hubby coaches two sports (he teaches HS) and he knows the personalities of the people on his teams. Your coach is probably in a similar position, and might have some good ideas for how you can deal with Bree's being mad.

Good luck at Nationals!

[JustEstelle]

I have never seen things end well when one confronts someone over gossip.  And the whole "phone tree" thing of someone calling you who heard from someone who heard from someone who heard from someone that Bree is upset with you IS gossip.

If I did anything at all in talking to Bree, it would be to apologize to her for coming across as unsportsmanlike in winning.  I would NOT mention the gossip part of it.  At all. 

Just let it go and rise above it.