good news and bad news

[afbluebelle]

Wow, this thread really took off huh?  Ok well, let me start off by saying that my English teacher has spoken with me about my punctuation and capitalization as well. (Mostly on my rough drafts) I type very fast; I also have the habit of speaking out loud what I want to put to paper. Unfortunately, this ends up in my written word being poorly punctuated and not capitalized and sounding as though I were speaking with a friend. 

For school papers I always go back through what I have written and edit for these errors. I guess I didn’t realize that it would be such a sore point for an internet forum. I apologize and will endeavor to use proper capitalization and punctuation in the future. 

Now; as for the situation with Bree, we went to grab something to eat after school but before practice. I sat with her and I told her that I was excited to have been made captain for next year and how I wasn’t sure I would be appointed, especially as her back tuck is much stronger than mine. I then told her that, as the two people who were in the running to be captain, I would be honored if she would consider being my co-captain. I never once let on that I knew what she had said. So I guess, ultimately, I took my mother’s advice, with a little thrown in from here.

Bree was very excited about the co-captain offer, and accepted. I think at this point I will have to agree that Bree was just really upset and spoke in the heat of the moment. 

Thank you to those of you who provided me with advice, I greatly appreciate it. 

As for my age, I didn’t think that this was an adult exclusive board. I will take great pains to correct my typing for legibility but I am unable to do anything about my age.

Eh, not all of us are really adults. I can speak for my entire shop when I say that 95% of us are a bunch of 10 year old children who are trying to figure out why we look so OOOOOOOOOOLD!

I chased the day shift shop lead around with a wolf fishing spider yesterday morning telling him to pet the fuzzy ( ), so yeah... your typing doesn't seem that bad now, does? 


Anyway, glad things worked out with Bree. Everyone says things that they don't mean sometimes in the heat of the moment, so hopefully it was just an incident of that.

[cass2591]

I've been trying to think of a way to address some issues without getting everyone riled up and accusing me of being mean.

First of all, it's perfectly appropriate for a HS student to post here. For those who don't like it, put that poster on your personal ignore list and move on.

Second, and more important, is the use of text speak, horrendous grammar, "stream of conscience" posts, etc. Personally, I was  at the OP because, frankly, I couldn't make heads or tails of it without hurting my eyes. Yes, that's hyperbole but frankly it was awful. It's obvious that the OP is aware of how to write correctly, and not taking the time or effort is what bothers me. It's one thing if English is not someone's native language or they're uneducated, but it's not the case here. My opinion is that standardized English (punctuation, capitalization, proper sentence structure, etc) is on the onus of the author and if it is bad enough to create the responses such as the one here, so be it. I do believe that objections should be polite but direct.

It appears the OP has gotten the message, so this is for future reference because heaven forbid this becomes the norm.

ETA to correct a typo.

[oogyda]

OP.  My feelings were not about your age, just your presentation. 

[Coley]

OP: Good for you! I'm so glad it went well with Bree today. Good luck at Nationals!

[Nika]

I have been following this thread and I just have to say, OP: You seem more mature than plenty of adults I know.  Sounds like you did a perfect job with Bree, and I really like that you took the comments about your typing in stride and adjusted your posting style without getting upset with anyone. I do feel that some of the comments directed at you were a bit out of line, and I am happy that you weren't scared away from the board.

Cass, I'm glad you decided to let this thread run its course. I was hoping that everything would calm down enough on its own without a mod having to step in and close it.

[lisastitch]

Don't worry about taking care of your age, Bellacullen--it will take care of itself all too soon!

And welcome to the board.  I'm glad that everything went so well with Bree.  It sounds as if you handled it beautifully, and learned some valuable lessons in the process.

Thank you for switching to correct written English.  It was much easier for me to read.  There are posts that I skip because of "stream of consciousness", grammar, and capitalization issues.  And now you know that it's not just your English teacher who finds correct English important!  (another valuable lesson learned)

Good luck to your team in Nationals and next year, and to you and Bree leading the team.

[TootsNYC]

I think you handled it well, but I don't think you needed to offer a co-captaincy. In fact, I'd have suggested that you NOT do o, but instead say that you were hoping for her support, and that you knew you'd rely on her a lot because she was obvious a good leader, etc.

Which is sort of like being a co-captain, but isn't one officially.

My reasons are two:
1) the co-captaincy is not yours to offer, just as the captaincy wasn't yours automatically
2) giving a sore loser that sort of substantive consolation prize can backfire and you can end up with a power struggle. I'm a fan of authority and power being *clear*.

But I hope it goes well.

[bellacullen]

I think you handled it well, but I don't think you needed to offer a co-captaincy. In fact, I'd have suggested that you NOT do o, but instead say that you were hoping for her support, and that you knew you'd rely on her a lot because she was obvious a good leader, etc.

Which is sort of like being a co-captain, but isn't one officially.

My reasons are two:
1) the co-captaincy is not yours to offer, just as the captaincy wasn't yours automatically
2) giving a sore loser that sort of substantive consolation prize can backfire and you can end up with a power struggle. I'm a fan of authority and power being *clear*.

But I hope it goes well.

Oh, the co-captain position was mine to offer. Although it is usually picked by a friend standing. So it would have come as no surprise if I had picked Bailey to be my co-captain since she is my best friend.

I told Bree that I picked her based on her abilities, and I did. I don't want to be that captain that has favorites or doesn't treat people equally.

I think that a big part of the reason Bree was so happy I chose her for co-captain is because even she figured that it would go to Bailey.

And don't worry I spoke to Bailey and she understands perfectly why I gave the position to Bree instead of her.

[kareng57]

I've been trying to think of a way to address some issues without getting everyone riled up and accusing me of being mean.

First of all, it's perfectly appropriate for a HS student to post here. For those who don't like it, put that poster on your personal ignore list and move on.

Second, and more important, is the use of text speak, horrendous grammar, "stream of conscience" posts, etc. Personally, I was  at the OP because, frankly, I couldn't make heads or tails of it without hurting my eyes. Yes, that's hyperbole but frankly it was awful. It's obvious that the OP is aware of how to write correctly, and not taking the time or effort is what bothers me. It's one thing if English is not someone's native language or they're uneducated, but it's not the case here. My opinion is that standardized English (punctuation, capitalization, proper sentence structure, etc) is on the onus of the author and if it is bad enough to create the responses such as the one here, so be it. I do believe that objections should be polite but direct.

It appears the OP has gotten the message, so this is for future reference because heaven forbid this becomes the norm.

ETA to correct a typo.

Thanks Cass, you said exactly what I was thinking.

Of course I realize that the OP in this case has addressed the situation, but the fact is that many other posters  do use very creative spelling/grammar, along with stream-of-consciousness writing so much that it's next to impossible to figure out what they're getting at.

[Dindrane]

While it is important to write in a way that allows others to understand, it isn't acceptable to make fun of someone publicly for failing to do so.

Seriously, there were 2 or 3 people who said, politely, that the way bellacullen was writing was difficult to read and requested that she change it.  She did.  End of story, problem solved.

Making fun of her, particularly after she had corrected the problem in response to those earlier posts, is unwelcoming and kind of mean.  I don't think it's appropriate for an etiquette forum, particularly since we all have the option of simply not reading posts or threads that annoy us.

bellacullen, I'm glad that your situation seems to have worked out so far, and I hope it continues to go well.  One of the things I have been trying to implement in my own life is really focusing on doing my job well, to the exclusion of worrying about gossip or drama or interpersonal politics.  Being able to do that is enormously helpful in all types of situations, but particularly at work.  Because I work really hard not to engage in gossip/drama/politics at work, I am better at my job and I have earned the respect and trust of my coworkers.

Ultimately, focusing on gossip and drama and negativity takes effort.  Allowing myself to stay upset over things (no matter how legitimately upsetting they are) is exhausting.  Sometimes it is necessary to confront that type of behavior and deal with it, but sometimes it's just like wrestling in the mud with a pig -- you both get dirty, and the pig likes it.  It can be tricky to figure out the difference between the two, but learning how to let go of things that don't really matter in the end will definitely serve you well.

[JustEstelle]

OP, I applaud you for handling this situation with maturity and grace.  Kudos to you for offering the co-captain position to Bree!

And welcome to the forum!

[LadyJaneinMD]

OP, I applaud you for handling this situation with maturity and grace.  Kudos to you for offering the co-captain position to Bree!

And welcome to the forum!

POD  POD, and ....oh yeah, POD!  I've been following this, and it sounds like you managed to solve the problem in a very mature manner.   You are going to go far, young grasshopper.

[Secret]

So the newbie and high school student just schooled us in handing a difficult situation.  Good for you and welcome.

I like seeing a high school student on here.  Like others said, if someone is actively seeking out ways to handle situations in the least objectionable manor, and we can give advice, great.

I'm glad Bailey is understanding about not getting co-captain. 

[JoyinVirginia]

Coming in late on an interesting thread. Younger dd was drum major of marching band this past fall. She graduates in 9 Weeks! There was some drama and hurt feelings when she was named drum major. Your parents advice to you was similar to my advice to dd. Things do calm down, there its the next crisis for people to get upset about so they forget they were upset about first thing.
Op, sound like you handled things well. Best wishes for future success of you and the team.