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Author Topic: SIL - needing some support/ good phrases  (Read 6161 times)

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weeblewobble

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Re: SIL - needing some support/ good phrases
« Reply #15 on: April 05, 2012, 04:56:55 PM »
Hmmm, SIL foresees a possible childcare shortage while your mom is overseas ... and suddenly she wants to see you again?  I smell a rat.

Also, I POD Mikayla's post. It is very important to plan ahead.  Because, if you don't do the hard conversations ahead of time, if you don't do the self pep talks, it's very easy to lose your nerve "in the moment."

JenJay

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Re: SIL - needing some support/ good phrases
« Reply #16 on: April 05, 2012, 08:16:47 PM »
Hmmm, SIL foresees a possible childcare shortage while your mom is overseas ... and suddenly she wants to see you again?  I smell a rat.

Also, I POD Mikayla's post. It is very important to plan ahead.  Because, if you don't do the hard conversations ahead of time, if you don't do the self pep talks, it's very easy to lose your nerve "in the moment."

I can hear it now "DD misses her Auntie so much. Can't we mend our rift for her sake? You know what she'd really love? To spend some quality time with you. As it happens I'm looking for a job so I could drop her off around noon and she could stay for a sleepover! Figee, where are you going? You're so selfish!"  ::)

You've handled everything beautifully. I'll keep you in my thoughts!

LeveeWoman

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Re: SIL - needing some support/ good phrases
« Reply #17 on: April 06, 2012, 07:31:12 AM »
I'm another one who smells a rat.

JoyinVirginia

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Re: SIL - needing some support/ good phrases
« Reply #18 on: April 06, 2012, 09:08:02 AM »
Just want to say, you have received a lot of good advice. The best thing is that you are planning ahead. Stay firm with your decisions of exactly what you will and will not tolerate.

magiccat26

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Re: SIL - needing some support/ good phrases
« Reply #19 on: April 06, 2012, 10:00:13 AM »
Yes, I'm suspecting SIL is realizing that her child care network is too small and is looking to rebuild burned bridges with Auntie.  Be prepared.  Know what you are willing to do (if anything).
“If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.” — Catherine Aird

figee

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Re: SIL - needing some support/ good phrases
« Reply #20 on: April 07, 2012, 05:13:27 PM »
UPDATE: things went surprisingly well.  We went in, greeted everyone, I sat down next to my niece and brother and chatted to my grandmother and everyone else.  SIL didn't say a word to me.  We stayed an hour.  45 minutes in, SIL had pulled out her phone and was completely ignoring everyone.  And then, sadly, we had to leave to walk the dogs, so we said goodbye and left.  Much relief on my part.

I went in with definite ideas about what I would or wouldn't do, and felt much better for it, but none of it was really needed. 

Now I'm waiting to hear about any fall-out.  I'm sure there'll be some.  But I'm letting DH answer my phone from unknown and her number and he'll be checking the texts.

Mental Magpie

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Re: SIL - needing some support/ good phrases
« Reply #21 on: April 07, 2012, 05:32:55 PM »
I'm glad everything went well enough, and even happier that you went in prepared to do what you needed to do even if it wound up not being necessary.  I definitely can see why you think there may be fall out (SIL: "Figee ignored me the entire time! WAHHHH!"), and yet you have another plan to be prepared for that.  I think I hear your spine growing ;)

Well done, keep it up!

weeblewobble

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Re: SIL - needing some support/ good phrases
« Reply #22 on: April 08, 2012, 06:52:58 AM »
UPDATE: things went surprisingly well.  We went in, greeted everyone, I sat down next to my niece and brother and chatted to my grandmother and everyone else.  SIL didn't say a word to me.  We stayed an hour.  45 minutes in, SIL had pulled out her phone and was completely ignoring everyone.  And then, sadly, we had to leave to walk the dogs, so we said goodbye and left.  Much relief on my part.

I went in with definite ideas about what I would or wouldn't do, and felt much better for it, but none of it was really needed. 

Now I'm waiting to hear about any fall-out.  I'm sure there'll be some.  But I'm letting DH answer my phone from unknown and her number and he'll be checking the texts.


Good for you.  And I think it's smart to be prepared for "Figee's a big meanie who ignored me!" fall out texts or emails.  People with this personality often create the drama they want when they don't get it naturally. 

With my SIL, we would get "follow up" letters expressing her disappointment that the holiday visits didn't result in a complete dissolution of our boundaries against her.  She would beg to know why we were being so mean, how we could be so cold-hearted, etc. 

DO NOT RESPOND.  Just delete them.  Responding only continues the drama cycle and your stress over the situation.