The Etiquette of the Childfree

[gorplady]

Parents: Don't be a jerk.

Childfree: Don't be a jerk.

Everybody in the world, ever: Don't be jerks.

There, world peace is sure to follow 

Truer words were never spoken.

[Cosmasia]

Parents: don't mommy/daddy-jack conversations, online statuses and basically anything else. If you really want to say something about your kid(s) then make your own status, start your own conversation with someone who might be interested etc. Don't jack!
Also please don't post photos of your childrens poop on your facebook. Please. 

Childfree: Don't comment on parent's statuses about their children saying how glad you are that they aren't yours, or how boring it sounds etc.
If you have friends with children, it's not very nice to post statuses about how much all parents ever just suck. Be mindful of your friendships!

[Piratelvr1121]

I think this is a great thread.    I have kids and love all 3 of my boys dearly but for some reason it's turned out that my closest friends are childless/childfree.   

Parents: Don't discount the advice of the childless/childfree simply because they don't have any of their own children.  Some of the best parenting advice I've ever received has been from my childless/childfree friends because they do have some experience in dealing with children either from babysitting or helping to care for nieces/nephews/younger siblings.   

And to the parents who spoil their kids rotten to ensure they grow up to be special snowflakes: Please stop, you're making the rest of the parents of the world look bad. lol.

[Ciarrai]

Parents: Please don't put your child on the phone when I call to talk to you. Yes he's cute, but I called to talk to you.

[Black Delphinium]

Parents: Please don't put your child on the phone when I call to talk to you. Yes he's cute, but I called to talk to you.

Or at least ask first. Maybe I have time to say hi to Suzie, maybe I do not.

[diesel_darlin]

Parents: Please don't put your child on the phone when I call to talk to you. Yes he's cute, but I called to talk to you.

Or at least ask first. Maybe I have time to say hi to Suzie, maybe I do not.

Absolutely. And please do not wait until someone is trying to tell you(general you) something important, or something that isn't made for little ears and hand the phone over to Suzie. Its quite a shock when you have been talking about something thinking you're talking to mom/dad and Suzie yells "hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" into the receiver.

[kareng57]

I think this is a great thread.    I have kids and love all 3 of my boys dearly but for some reason it's turned out that my closest friends are childless/childfree.   

Parents: Don't discount the advice of the childless/childfree simply because they don't have any of their own children.  Some of the best parenting advice I've ever received has been from my childless/childfree friends because they do have some experience in dealing with children either from babysitting or helping to care for nieces/nephews/younger siblings.   

And to the parents who spoil their kids rotten to ensure they grow up to be special snowflakes: Please stop, you're making the rest of the parents of the world look bad. lol.

Very true.  One of our close, childfree friends was the first one to notice that sometimes DS #2 connived to get DS #1 into trouble.  I was a bit surprised, but was too close to the situation to really see it - and once he pointed it out, yes - he was right.

[Hollanda]

Parents: When you go out for a night out with the girls, it is a night away from the baby. Therefore, it is perfectly acceptable/expected, to talk about other subjects. Every conversation does not have to come back to your little one.

Childfree: When a parent comes out with you for a night out with the girls, it is a night away from the baby. Therefore, it is perfectly acceptable/expected, to talk about other subjects. Every conversation does not have to come back to their little one.

There needs to be a balance. IME people love hearing one or two stories about the baby if they ask. If they ask! If they do not ask, assume not interested and steer clear from the conversation (not difficult for me, I just concentrate on enjoying the adult conversation and find myself again!).  People do not like being forced or pressed to talk about anything and my childless friends do sometimes sit there and ask me question after question after question about DS. They ask to see photos. Look, I like talking about him (as you know lol) but...there is a limit.  I'm friends with another Mum I go out with and we were talking about this exact thing and we both agree on this.




 

[Auntie Mame]

Dear parents:
1) I am under no obligation to defend my decision to you, I have my reasons and they are private
2) Choosing not to have children is not a direct attack on those who do.  It is simply a different choice, stop immediately jumping to the wrong conclusion and accusing me of everything from hating to children to causing earthquakes
3) Asking "do you like children?" is a question that does not make sense to me.  I don't ask "do you like adults?".  I like some children, I don't like others.  That applies across the board, I like some people, I do not like others.

[diesel_darlin]

Dear parents:
1) I am under no obligation to defend my decision to you, I have my reasons and they are private
2) Choosing not to have children is not a direct attack on those who do.  It is simply a different choice, stop immediately jumping to the wrong conclusion and accusing me of everything from hating to children to causing earthquakes
3) Asking "do you like children?" is a question that does not make sense to me.  I don't ask "do you like adults?".  I like some children, I don't like others.  That applies across the board, I like some people, I do not like others.

This. Oh so much.

Yes, I like children. Very much so! Especially if said children can be handed back to their mommy and/or daddy as soon as they get tired, cranky, or a poopy diaper. 

[Piratelvr1121]

Parents: Do not imply that someone who chooses not to have children is selfish because they elected not to reproduce.  That is not a selfish choice in the least, and is in fact less selfish than reproducing just so you can have someone take care of you when you're old.  If someone feels they would not make a good parent, it's quite unselfish of them to make sure they don't reproduce.

And besides, best way to ensure you have someone to take care of you when you're old? Be nice to those younger than yourself. LOL   Even if people have children, if they're toxic towards them and the kids find a backbone, they'll likely find themselves without someone to look after them.   And the people without kids? Well there's always favorite nieces and nephews or friends.

[Diane AKA Traska]

For the Childfree - it won't kill you to acknowledge a kid once...either with a nod or a Hi - engaging them in a full on conversation in a public place is not necessary.  In a party or as a guest in your home, you might want to give them a bit more, but in the public arena would you not give a nod or a "hi" to an adult? The same is true for a kid

Rebuttal:  For the Parents - Understand that there are some childfree adults (especially males) who are uncomfortable acknowledging children in public, for many reasons.  In some places, simply being male and in a public park gets you a visit from the impeccably dressed people with hats and radios.  Also, some parents have been known to give the stinkeye for simply *looking* at their child.  (also for the Parents - don't give the stinkeye for someone simply looking at your child!)  So be understanding when the person passing you on the street stares straight ahead even as Johnny or Sally tries to make contact.  It's a learned survival trait in many cases.

For the Childfree - Remember that children are people too.  There's nothing wrong with talking to them as if they were an adult (within reason!)  I had a kid's ball roll up to me a week ago while I was out walking.  He shyly held his hands out and pointed to the ball.  I picked it up, gave it a good toss, and said "There you go, dude."  Just like I would have to an adult.  Not a good example, but it's the most recent one I've got.  I'm just saying, lay off the baby-talk (and other affectations) when you chat to a kid.  They know what adults sound like, and appreciate hearing it directed toward them, in my experience.

[Piratelvr1121]

For the Childfree - Remember that children are people too.  There's nothing wrong with talking to them as if they were an adult (within reason!)  I had a kid's ball roll up to me a week ago while I was out walking.  He shyly held his hands out and pointed to the ball.  I picked it up, gave it a good toss, and said "There you go, dude."  Just like I would have to an adult.  Not a good example, but it's the most recent one I've got.  I'm just saying, lay off the baby-talk (and other affectations) when you chat to a kid.  They know what adults sound like, and appreciate hearing it directed toward them, in my experience.

Heck, most kids I know appreciate adults who don't talk down to them! My favorite adults when I was growing up were the aunts and uncles who spoke to me like an equal and not just a little kid.   When I was pregnant, my best friend who is CF said "I'm not going to be doing any baby talk with this kid!" I told her that was just fine with me, as I don't believe in using baby talk with infants.

[FoxPaws]

Don't make assumptions regarding peoples’ attitudes toward children based on their age, gender, or relationship to specific kids.

All older folks are not doting grandparents; all teenage girls are not dying to babysit; all males are not hopeless clods when it comes to babies.

Not even all parents are universal “kid people” - many have just enough energy/patience/stamina to deal with their own offspring and that's it. And just because someone is willing to babysit a niece/nephew/godchild doesn't mean they're willing to do it for anyone else.

[Ciarrai]

Please, please don't ask a couple why they got married if they don't want to have children. There are many other reasons to get married other than procreating.