Author Topic: The Etiquette of the Childfree  (Read 47243 times)

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #30 on: May 10, 2012, 12:19:17 PM »
Oh man, my dad was once telling me that he didn't understand why people married if they weren't going to have kids. He and Mom were friends with people from college and there were two couples who were married, sans kids.   He said he thought people who were married should have kids because it's not as easy to divorce when you have kids so people are more apt to try harder to make a marriage work. 

Considering they're still friends with those two other couples, and they haven't given him the cut, I think it's safe to say he never shared this delightful insight with them.   Heck I was a teenager and I found it incredibly insulting and stupid.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #31 on: May 10, 2012, 01:13:45 PM »
Oh man, my dad was once telling me that he didn't understand why people married if they weren't going to have kids. He and Mom were friends with people from college and there were two couples who were married, sans kids.   He said he thought people who were married should have kids because it's not as easy to divorce when you have kids so people are more apt to try harder to make a marriage work. 

Considering they're still friends with those two other couples, and they haven't given him the cut, I think it's safe to say he never shared this delightful insight with them.   Heck I was a teenager and I found it incredibly insulting and stupid.

Married couples should have kids so they find themselves trapped in the marriage with no easy out?  Whaaaaaa?
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #32 on: May 10, 2012, 01:28:46 PM »
Oh man, my dad was once telling me that he didn't understand why people married if they weren't going to have kids. He and Mom were friends with people from college and there were two couples who were married, sans kids.   He said he thought people who were married should have kids because it's not as easy to divorce when you have kids so people are more apt to try harder to make a marriage work. 

Considering they're still friends with those two other couples, and they haven't given him the cut, I think it's safe to say he never shared this delightful insight with them.   Heck I was a teenager and I found it incredibly insulting and stupid.

Married couples should have kids so they find themselves trapped in the marriage with no easy out?  Whaaaaaa?

Yeah, I know, right?  That didn't compute then and it still doesn't! 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

violinp

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #33 on: May 10, 2012, 01:32:05 PM »
Oh man, my dad was once telling me that he didn't understand why people married if they weren't going to have kids. He and Mom were friends with people from college and there were two couples who were married, sans kids.   He said he thought people who were married should have kids because it's not as easy to divorce when you have kids so people are more apt to try harder to make a marriage work. 

Considering they're still friends with those two other couples, and they haven't given him the cut, I think it's safe to say he never shared this delightful insight with them.   Heck I was a teenager and I found it incredibly insulting and stupid.

Married couples should have kids so they find themselves trapped in the marriage with no easy out?  Whaaaaaa?

In that logic, it's supposed to make you think of the children, so you work harder at making the marriage work. Never mind that said children are watching their parents be unhappy in marriage.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


cabbagegirl28

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #34 on: May 10, 2012, 02:33:27 PM »
Oh man, my dad was once telling me that he didn't understand why people married if they weren't going to have kids. He and Mom were friends with people from college and there were two couples who were married, sans kids.   He said he thought people who were married should have kids because it's not as easy to divorce when you have kids so people are more apt to try harder to make a marriage work. 

Considering they're still friends with those two other couples, and they haven't given him the cut, I think it's safe to say he never shared this delightful insight with them.   Heck I was a teenager and I found it incredibly insulting and stupid.

One of my friends told me the same opinion. Considering the specific person's religion (Royal Shade of the Blue religion), it makes some sense, because they have the opinion that children are always a blessing. However, the same religion would not approve of her solution to childfree couples: just live together, and not get married, because there's no point to marriage if you have no kids.

I told her that marriage is a property contract, not a direct order to procreate. She can live how she wants, but she needs to get her nose out of other people's business.


"To study and practice the goodness of life, the beauty of art, the meaning of music...To speak the words that build, that bless and comfort...And again, to practice./This is to be our symphony."

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #35 on: May 10, 2012, 02:43:36 PM »
Oh man, my dad was once telling me that he didn't understand why people married if they weren't going to have kids. He and Mom were friends with people from college and there were two couples who were married, sans kids.   He said he thought people who were married should have kids because it's not as easy to divorce when you have kids so people are more apt to try harder to make a marriage work. 

Considering they're still friends with those two other couples, and they haven't given him the cut, I think it's safe to say he never shared this delightful insight with them.   Heck I was a teenager and I found it incredibly insulting and stupid.

One of my friends told me the same opinion. Considering the specific person's religion (Royal Shade of the Blue religion), it makes some sense, because they have the opinion that children are always a blessing. However, the same religion would not approve of her solution to childfree couples: just live together, and not get married, because there's no point to marriage if you have no kids.

I told her that marriage is a property contract, not a direct order to procreate. She can live how she wants, but she needs to get her nose out of other people's business.

Menendez brothers?
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cabbagegirl28

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #36 on: May 10, 2012, 05:29:14 PM »
Oh man, my dad was once telling me that he didn't understand why people married if they weren't going to have kids. He and Mom were friends with people from college and there were two couples who were married, sans kids.   He said he thought people who were married should have kids because it's not as easy to divorce when you have kids so people are more apt to try harder to make a marriage work. 

Considering they're still friends with those two other couples, and they haven't given him the cut, I think it's safe to say he never shared this delightful insight with them.   Heck I was a teenager and I found it incredibly insulting and stupid.

One of my friends told me the same opinion. Considering the specific person's religion (Royal Shade of the Blue religion), it makes some sense, because they have the opinion that children are always a blessing. However, the same religion would not approve of her solution to childfree couples: just live together, and not get married, because there's no point to marriage if you have no kids.

I told her that marriage is a property contract, not a direct order to procreate. She can live how she wants, but she needs to get her nose out of other people's business.

Menendez brothers?

Yeah, I didn't even touch that part with her. She's got a whole 'nother skew on life than I do, and I knew it would be impossible to argue with her without making her feel bad. I was also much more doormatty then and wouldn't leave when I got uncomfortable with stuff she said.


"To study and practice the goodness of life, the beauty of art, the meaning of music...To speak the words that build, that bless and comfort...And again, to practice./This is to be our symphony."

wendelenn

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #37 on: May 10, 2012, 09:28:45 PM »
Oh man, my dad was once telling me that he didn't understand why people married if they weren't going to have kids. He and Mom were friends with people from college and there were two couples who were married, sans kids.   He said he thought people who were married should have kids because it's not as easy to divorce when you have kids so people are more apt to try harder to make a marriage work. 

Considering they're still friends with those two other couples, and they haven't given him the cut, I think it's safe to say he never shared this delightful insight with them.   Heck I was a teenager and I found it incredibly insulting and stupid.

One of my friends told me the same opinion. Considering the specific person's religion (Royal Shade of the Blue religion), it makes some sense, because they have the opinion that children are always a blessing. However, the same religion would not approve of her solution to childfree couples: just live together, and not get married, because there's no point to marriage if you have no kids.
I told her that marriage is a property contract, not a direct order to procreate. She can live how she wants, but she needs to get her nose out of other people's business.

What would she say to the infertile? The same?  How about my mom, who at 77 and widowed is about to remarry?
"I don't mean to be rude", he began, in a tone that threatened rudeness in every syllable.

"--yet sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often," Dumbledore finished the sentence gravely.  "Best to say nothing at all."

Piratelvr1121

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #38 on: May 10, 2012, 09:50:21 PM »
Oh man, my dad was once telling me that he didn't understand why people married if they weren't going to have kids. He and Mom were friends with people from college and there were two couples who were married, sans kids.   He said he thought people who were married should have kids because it's not as easy to divorce when you have kids so people are more apt to try harder to make a marriage work. 

Considering they're still friends with those two other couples, and they haven't given him the cut, I think it's safe to say he never shared this delightful insight with them.   Heck I was a teenager and I found it incredibly insulting and stupid.

Married couples should have kids so they find themselves trapped in the marriage with no easy out?  Whaaaaaa?

In that logic, it's supposed to make you think of the children, so you work harder at making the marriage work. Never mind that said children are watching their parents be unhappy in marriage.

And while I don't think that was the reason my parents had children, I know for sure that my brother and I are the reason they stayed together. I have also had friends who were the youngest of the family and once they left home, their parents separated.

On a slightly related topic, my best friend and I were discussing this sort of thing last year. She is in the Midwest, single and childless whereas I'm on the East Coast, married with kids.  When I was expecting last year she said she felt unnatural because she had never married and had kids, and she said in the Midwest, at least of her generation (she's 20 some years my senior), it is considered odd if a woman never marries or has kids. 

I have noticed though, at least with some of the people I've known while living on the coast, that when people meet a single women with no kids or desire for any it's not as "weird" as it is the idea of people marrying and having kids.

I really don't know if it's a difference in generation, location or both...
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

nuit93

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #39 on: May 11, 2012, 02:47:49 AM »
Please, please don't ask a couple why they got married if they don't want to have children. There are many other reasons to get married other than procreating.

THIS X1000

nuit93

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #40 on: May 11, 2012, 03:00:08 AM »
Parents: please don't try and tell me it's different "when they're my own", especially after you've spent the last ten minutes complaining about how hard your life has become now that you've reproduced.
Please don't assume my life is carefree/boring/meaningless because I don't have kids. 
Don't tell me "well, you won't be able to do *insert fun thing here* once you and SO have kids!".  Are you trying to talk me out of something I wasn't going to do anyways?
If you tell me "must be nice to be able to do that!", I'm going to assume you meant it in a non-passive-aggressive way and say "yes, it's awesome!", give you a big smile, and walk away.
You are not better than me because you reproduced. 
If a dating profile says "I'm not interested in dating someone with kids", move on.  Don't send a message to the person that includes the phrase "my kids are different!".  You're only wasting your time.

Childfree:
Don't make a big scene out of some child having a public meltdown.  We all did it at one point or another.  Just go on about your day and go home to your quiet, non-childed home.
Don't rant about "irresponsible parents of the human variety", "moos", and various other derogatory terms for parents and children.  At least not publicly. 
While it's certainly not required, it is NICE to host events where children are welcome IF you are able to do so. 
You are not better than someone who has reproduced.

Midnight Kitty

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #41 on: May 11, 2012, 09:22:58 PM »
I don't have children.  It wasn't our choice, but we are content with our lives.  People should not assume that childless/CF couples don't have children by choice.  Nor should they assume that we are all frustrated parents who won't feel fulfilled until we have children in our house.  My SIL could not comprehend why we aren't adopting since we did not conceive before I went through the change.  I just looked at her in horror.  My life is full with a demanding, rewarding career, a disabled husband, an elderly cat, and one and a half horses (DH shareboards).  She doesn't understand how my life could be complete without a child.  I felt incomplete without a horse, but it's all good now.

All my life, until I hit 50, I enjoyed the company of children.  Now, not so much.  Maybe it is because more of the children I encounter these days are undisciplined and disruptive.  Many do not respect their parents or any other adults.  I find myself avoiding children and places where there will be lots of children.

I have been told that my life is wasted because my genetic material was not propagated.  In my not-so-humble opinion, it is more selfish to have children as a form of immortality than to make the world a better place through my accomplishments.  There may be selfish people who do not have children because they would have to share their partner's attention and affection.  Please don't assume I am one of them.
"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit.  The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."

Marcus Aurelius

cabbagegirl28

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #42 on: May 11, 2012, 10:33:03 PM »
Oh man, my dad was once telling me that he didn't understand why people married if they weren't going to have kids. He and Mom were friends with people from college and there were two couples who were married, sans kids.   He said he thought people who were married should have kids because it's not as easy to divorce when you have kids so people are more apt to try harder to make a marriage work. 

Considering they're still friends with those two other couples, and they haven't given him the cut, I think it's safe to say he never shared this delightful insight with them.   Heck I was a teenager and I found it incredibly insulting and stupid.

One of my friends told me the same opinion. Considering the specific person's religion (Royal Shade of the Blue religion), it makes some sense, because they have the opinion that children are always a blessing. However, the same religion would not approve of her solution to childfree couples: just live together, and not get married, because there's no point to marriage if you have no kids.
I told her that marriage is a property contract, not a direct order to procreate. She can live how she wants, but she needs to get her nose out of other people's business.

What would she say to the infertile? The same?  How about my mom, who at 77 and widowed is about to remarry?

This is all my friend's logic: The infertile wanted/tried to have children, so it's okay. For your mom, she's already had kids, so she's "done her duty".

My brain hurt to type that. My true opinion is that everyone who wants to make that lifetime commitment of marriage should do so, as long as they're marrying the person because they love that person and want to spend the rest of the life with that person. It doesn't matter whether the couple has kids or not.


"To study and practice the goodness of life, the beauty of art, the meaning of music...To speak the words that build, that bless and comfort...And again, to practice./This is to be our symphony."

Hollanda

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #43 on: May 12, 2012, 10:41:50 AM »
Parents: don't try and tell other parents that YOUR. way is the ONLY way. It is not, and you come across as PA and arrogant.

Child free: eye rolling every time the topic of kids comes up is insulting.
Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


Garden Goblin

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Re: The Etiquette of the Childfree
« Reply #44 on: May 12, 2012, 10:49:24 AM »
Not entirely childfree, but within the theme:

If a couple has one child of a particular age/gender and has stated on multiple occasions that they have no interest in additional children, giving them boxes of items geared towards a child of younger age and the opposite gender because you 'saw it and thought of them' is not acceptable behavior. 

Though the twin three year old girls down the street are about to have the best birthday ever.