The Etiquette of the Childfree

[s]

Childfree: don't assume we with kids can.not make a function. We can get babysitter...

parents: don't take your child to an adult event without checking with the planner first! unless the child is invited.

Fixed that for you. 

Childfree: If a parent turns down an invitation because of commitments to his/her child(ren), please accept that answer graciously. Do not sigh in exasperation and say, "you know, you don't have to do everything you do with your daughter." (Courtesy of one of DH's friends.  )

My friend used to do this bait and switch type thing on me.  If we wanted to meet for coffee or lunch etc she would then say after we finalized our plans "You know I have to bring DS right?"  So it would make me look like a complete jerk to then say no.  Since her DS was mostly well behaved I would say ok.  But it irritated me just a little each time.  And sometimes he was not well behaved.  He never had full on tantrums, but he would be whiny and sulky which was distracting for me.  I couldn't focus on our conversation.

ETA:

Parents: If you take your child to a movie, do NOT let them disturb others around you. Yeah, it stinks that you might miss the movie, but that's the chance you take. I don't care if it's just a matinee, or just the cheap theater, I still paid my admission price to see the movie. I also don't care that it's an animated children's movie. I don't want to hear your little princess singing to the princess on the screen. And if the big, mean 8-10 year old sitting in front of your family turns around and politely asks your child to stop kicking his seat and to please be quiet so he can hear the movie, don't hiss back that "she's only 2." If your 2 year old can't sit still and be quiet, wait for the movie to come out on DVD and watch it at home. Also, don't get pissy with me when I don't take your side and vilify the polite boy

I think this can be applied to restaurants as well.  If your child cannot behave then they need to be removed so that they stop creating an unpleasant situation for the other patrons.  DH and I went out to eat this past weekend in the late afternoon.  So still lunch-ish time but a bit later but it wasn't dinner time yet.  So the restaurant was not busy at all and it was nice and peaceful.  Cue a family being sat next to us with a toddler that was already screaming.   

Also, was the restaurant rude to seat them near us when they had a toddler that was already screaming?

[Emmy]

I think this can be applied to restaurants as well.  If your child cannot behave then they need to be removed so that they stop creating an unpleasant situation for the other patrons.  DH and I went out to eat this past weekend in the late afternoon.  So still lunch-ish time but a bit later but it wasn't dinner time yet.  So the restaurant was not busy at all and it was nice and peaceful.  Cue a family being sat next to us with a toddler that was already screaming.   

Also, was the restaurant rude to seat them near us when they had a toddler that was already screaming?

I was in a situation like that too.  At a long airport layover, some friends and I decided to leave the airport and go have lunch at a tourist spot.  We were seated and there was a line to be seated.  About six adults and two small children got in line.  The baby in the group was quiet, but the toddler was screaming.  The toddler screamed the whole time while in line and screamed while seated near us (of course).  The adults ignored him the whole time.  Eventually a manager came and asked the group to remove the screaming child.  I felt the restaurant should not have seated the family in the first place because the child had been screaming in line the whole time without showing any signs of calming down.  I imagine it was after many complaints they finally asked the family to take the kid out.

I also wonder if it is rude to take a child out to places that are obviously not for children, even if the child is well behaved.  DH and I got a sitter and went out to a very nice steakhouse in the city.  This place doesn't have a children's menu or high chairs so it is obviously not a kid friendly place.  We noticed a very young toddler.  The toddler was not a distraction in any way in terms of making noise, but was her presence appropriate in an adult place?  I couldn't imagine taking a child to a place like that.

[Piratelvr1121]

Childfree: don't assume we with kids can.not make a function. We can get babysitter...

parents: don't take your child to an adult event without checking with the planner first! unless the child is invited.

Fixed that for you. 

Childfree: If a parent turns down an invitation because of commitments to his/her child(ren), please accept that answer graciously. Do not sigh in exasperation and say, "you know, you don't have to do everything you do with your daughter." (Courtesy of one of DH's friends.  )

My friend used to do this bait and switch type thing on me.  If we wanted to meet for coffee or lunch etc she would then say after we finalized our plans "You know I have to bring DS right?"  So it would make me look like a complete jerk to then say no.  Since her DS was mostly well behaved I would say ok.  But it irritated me just a little each time.  And sometimes he was not well behaved.  He never had full on tantrums, but he would be whiny and sulky which was distracting for me.  I couldn't focus on our conversation.

Okay, I don't know if it's just that I'm spoiled because DH doesn't mind actually being a father and taking care of our 2, now 3 boys on his own, but I've always gotten a little annoyed when I want to have some girl talk with a fellow mom and even though her husband, and the father of their kids is home, she either can't or won't leave them with their father for just an hour or two out of the day for some girl time.   

In some cases it was that the husband would whine about having to give up precious gaming time to watch the kids he contributed DNA to, while others it was that the mother was just so convinced that the children would get sold to a passing circus if left alone with their father for more than a minute even if he could have easily handled them, just not exactly the way she wanted it done. 

DH doesn't do things the way I do when I leave them with him but so long as they're fed, clean and have all body parts where they should be when I return home, I'm good. 

There was one day when my oldest was real little and I had to work on a Mandatory Company Fun Day (Marine corps) and DH took him to this himself and a friend and wife of a fellow company member commented to me later that she was so surprised that a man could dress an infant in clean, matching clothes all the way down to the socks.

[Jones]

**removed by Jones because the story had more to do with parental etiquette than childfree**

[hobish]

Can the anecdotes about raising your kids and how awesome (or not) daddy is be moved to anywhere but this thread? I love ya, but the irony of baby stories in the Childfree Etiquette thread is giving me an aneurism.

[ydpubs]

Can the anecdotes about raising your kids and how awesome (or not) daddy is be moved to anywhere but this thread? I love ya, but the irony of baby stories in the Childfree Etiquette thread is giving me an aneurism.

Seconded.

[Ciarrai]

Can the anecdotes about raising your kids and how awesome (or not) daddy is be moved to anywhere but this thread? I love ya, but the irony of baby stories in the Childfree Etiquette thread is giving me an aneurism.

Much appreciated!

[Piratelvr1121]

Met a woman at the park today who was with her nephew and she was only a couple years older than myself and volunteered that she was 37 and her mom was pushing her to have more,reminding her she's not getting any younger, but she's content to just play with her nephews.  Made me think of my bf and the childfree ehellions and told her I knew a few people who chose to be childfree and don't regret it at all. 

She laughed and smiled so I take it she was glad to hear it but I can't help but wondering, what is really the point of saying "You're not getting any younger" to someone who doesn't want kids?

[diesel_darlin]

Met a woman at the park today who was with her nephew and she was only a couple years older than myself and volunteered that she was 37 and her mom was pushing her to have more,reminding her she's not getting any younger, but she's content to just play with her nephews.  Made me think of my bf and the childfree ehellions and told her I knew a few people who chose to be childfree and don't regret it at all. 

She laughed and smiled so I take it she was glad to hear it but I can't help but wondering, what is really the point of saying "You're not getting any younger" to someone who doesn't want kids?

I would like to know that myself. DH and I got married right at 2 years ago. (it will be 2 years this month.) We met while we were co workers in a large factory. Basically everyone there knew us, and were happy that we got married. The factory shut down, so everyone dispersed to either school or other jobs. We run into old co workers from time to time and the first question they ask is "Where is the baby"? I say what baby? "Oh yall aint having any babies". Ummm Nope. "well you better hurry up cuz yall aint gettin any younger!"

While I dont mind them asking, I do mind the fact that the majority will not take no for an answer. They keep poking and prodding asking when we want kids, why we dont want kids, etc. Blank stares and bean dip are not effective because they bring it up again.

We dont want kids right now because I am unemployed, going to school on a program for displaced workers. Hubby has a job, but it doesnt pay much. We have trouble taking care of ourselves most days, and I think it would be patently unfair to bring a child into our financial situation. On top of that, I am going to school to be a diesel mechanic. I think it would be quite hard to turn wrenches around a pregnant belly. 

[FoxPaws]

"You're not getting any younger"

"I know! I'm counting the minutes until I don't need to use birth control any more!"

[Midnight Kitty]

"You're not getting any younger"

"I know! I'm counting the minutes until I don't need to use birth control any more!"

After years of endometriosis, a couple surgeries, scheduling my life first around the best times to get pregnant and then the times not to plan vacation because I wasn't pregnant, early menopause came as a relief to me.  I told my reproductive organs, "If you're not going to do something useful, could you please just chill out!"

I told my coworker that DH adopted two 4-month old kittens (yesterday!) to fill the hole left by Midnight's passing last December.  She's met him & we're pretty good friends.  She cut her eyes at me and said, "He never would have been happy with just one kid."

We found out Saturday that we will probably buy the horse DH has been shareboarding.  We already have Midnight's sister, Bootsie, age 18-1/2 and Misty, our little red mare, age 7.  Add Novalee, a Palamino mare age 17+, and the 2 kittens, Buddy Guy and his sister, Tsukiko (Moon Child), and we now have five fuzzy faced "babies."  Maybe we didn't so much "adjust to being childless" as we filled the hole with animals.  I certainly don't feel "childless."

[GreenEyedHawk]

Midnight Kitty....with three dogs and three cats, I certainly don't feel childless, either!

[Midnight Kitty]

The kittens went back yesterday, so we're down to three girls.

[hobish]

"You're not getting any younger"

"I know! I'm counting the minutes until I don't need to use birth control any more!"

After years of endometriosis, a couple surgeries, scheduling my life first around the best times to get pregnant and then the times not to plan vacation because I wasn't pregnant, early menopause came as a relief to me.  I told my reproductive organs, "If you're not going to do something useful, could you please just chill out!"

I told my coworker that DH adopted two 4-month old kittens (yesterday!) to fill the hole left by Midnight's passing last December.  She's met him & we're pretty good friends.  She cut her eyes at me and said, "He never would have been happy with just one kid."

We found out Saturday that we will probably buy the horse DH has been shareboarding.  We already have Midnight's sister, Bootsie, age 18-1/2 and Misty, our little red mare, age 7.  Add Novalee, a Palamino mare age 17+, and the 2 kittens, Buddy Guy and his sister, Tsukiko (Moon Child), and we now have five fuzzy faced "babies."  Maybe we didn't so much "adjust to being childless" as we filled the hole with animals.  I certainly don't feel "childless."

You remind me of my friend John. He and his wife have never wanted kids. He jokes, “Every time we start to think about it we just go get another animal instead … we have 2 dogs, 3 cats, 12 goats, 6 sheep, 2 ferrets, and a horse.”

[Midnight Kitty]

You remind me of my friend John. He and his wife have never wanted kids. He jokes, “Every time we start to think about it we just go get another animal instead … we have 2 dogs, 3 cats, 12 goats, 6 sheep, 2 ferrets, and a horse.”

Have they been married around (adds quickly 2+3+12+6+2+1=) 26 years?

When I was married to DH#2, I acquired one new animal per year, on average.  We were together for 7 years: 3 cats, 1 dog, 2 horses.  I think it was a seasonal hormonal thing.  Must have baby ...