Iíve never had a problem with a friend telling me they need a sitter before they can do XYZ. Itís not a slight, itís just a fact. I donít take it as being B listed, or as if they expect me to find them a sitter. Sometimes people just canít RSVP to things right away because they have to find a sitter first. I donít see the rudeness.
The rudeness I see is telling me "WE" need a sitter... SHE needs the sitter, not me. She is making me responsible for her need for a sitter. And then insinuating that since "WE" don't have a sitter, "WE" can't do something planned since January. If she had said "Snowdragon, I don't have a sitter, I can't do it" Absolutely no problem or "We don't have a sitter, so I can't go" - again absolutely no problem but she told me "WE don't have a sitter, so WE can't go." There is a difference that that makes it extremely rude.
Under no circumstances should a CF Christine be responsible for sitters or be expected to not do something because Penelope Parent doesn't have a sitter...there is no "WE" in finding sitters, it's the responsibility of the parent.
And if they can't find one - telling someone before the date they expecting to do something is considered polite, especially when you have 6 weeks warning that you don't have a sitter for that date.
And when you know 6 weeks that you don't have a sitter - letting them drive 3/4 of an hour out of their way to pick you up - that you can't come is VERY rude. Telling them before they leave their own home is polite and perfectly fine
costing them extra time and gas is rude.
Even if you can't go because you have no sitter - you don't get to declare "WE can't do XYZ" you can say "*I* can't do it" but telling another, unrelated adult that they
can not do it is rude.
The reason I found out that she did not have a sitter as far back as June was because her son picked up the phone and asked why I was coming and then told me "Zach said on my birthday ( June 1) he could not sit today,so I don't think mom is coming but I'll get her".( Zach is their normal sitter, and the only other person that she trusts is on vacation in Maine this month...she's known that they were planning to be away for the class date since February.) So she's not had a sitter since June and still led me on that she was going until just before I was due at her house.
As far as I am concerned all of the above are rude in the extreme.
I have a good many parent friends, none of them would expect me, or anyone but their spouse to find a sitter for their kids. If nothing else they want folks they know and trust. Nor would any one else expect that I not do something I planned to do because of their sitter issues. Nor would anyone else expect that I would be perfectly fine taking a 7 and 10 year old to a day long class that was advertised as "adult only" .
We signed up and paid for this class in January, she had RSVP'd yes in January. In June her sitter told her could not do it that day, the time to pull out was then or in any of the weeks leading up to the class day. NOT as I was driving to her house.