A Civil World. Off-topic discussions on a variety of topics. > Time For a Coffee Break!
ADHD
Musicwoman:
As a teacher I can see both sides of this issue.
Yes, ADHD and similar conditions are grossly overdiagnosed. Yes, the child's issues are often due to no more than bad behaviour and/or negligent parenting. Yes, enabling or entitled parents often doctor-shop until they find someone (anyone!) willing to give them the diagnosis they want.
BUT...
ADHD is a genuine medical condition. Undiagnosed and unaddressed it will blight a child's life, practically guarantee an atrocious school experience, and shatter their self-esteem. Like autism, it is a spectrum of varying behaviours and difficult to diagnose. There may be atypical presentations, and even a typical presentation can look like nothing more than bad behaviour to a layperson.
The situation may be complicated by the fact it's a hereditary condition, meaning at least one parent may also be affected. Undiagnosed ADHD, with its issues of low self-esteem and fear of authority, may not make for parent of the year. In other words, the child may have lousy parents and ADHD: one does not preclude the other.
In the West Australian public education system, labels are important. A badly behaved child is not eligible for aide time. A child with a diagnosed disability such as ADHD is. So here, that label would ensure that the child receives the special help and consideration she needs, instead of being left alone in the classroom to struggle with only the best efforts of an overworked teacher.
As the mother of an autistic child, I can tell you that having my beautiful boy diagnosed was a dreadful shock. Psychologists refer to it as dealing with the death of the ideal child. I had plans, expectations, dreams for my little one; suddenly I was told they may never be possible. Will he be able to live alone, hold down a job, marry, have children? 8 years down the track, I still don't know. I love my son dearly, but a diagnosis takes your "normal" child away from you for ever and it's not unreasonable for parents to mourn that loss.
It's also not unreasonable for Sally to mourn that loss. In a way, the diagnosis would be a relief to her; there's a reason for her difficulties. The flip side is that the reason is A Disability which will never go away and will colour her entire life, for good or bad.
Be there for them and stay strong. Teachers/teacher figures who treat this stuff professionally and matter-of-factly are a godsend to parents.
dawbs:
to jump in a little late...(and rambling...since I can't seem to form good sentences today...maybe because I have a lot to say here ;) sorry)
aA someone w/ ADHD who works in education, I do think I understand both sides.
In some ways, because of my personality, I do consider it something of a blessing I didn't have a diagnosis when I was a kid (I was diagnosed while in college, and ignored the diagnosis for the first few years out of pure cussedness) ...it kept me from being able to use it as a crutch. (of course, I had the blessing/curse of being raised by educators, so I had more coping mechanisms ready for me than your average kid).
I do take issue w/ some posters automatically saying it's a result of over diagnosis...I do see the problem of over-diagnosis in some of the schools I work in, (parents who doctor shop and ADHD as an excuse) but in other schools I work in (especially poorer schools and/or extremely rural or urban schools) there is still a lot of backlash against "over diagnosis" and kids who may have such a disorder are not diagnosed and (especially girls, anyone who has an "inattentive" rather than "hyperactive" form) are not sent for treatment because of the social stigma and the assumed implied accusation of bad parenting.
("what, someone is implying my child might have a LD? how dare you judge my kid/imply I'm a bad parent/try to brainwash us" is the reaction to the suggestion...)
(There is over-diagnosis, there is under diagnosis, an unfortunately if you read a lot of the research, the lines between the 2 extremes are often drawn along $ lines)
(and as far as all kids acting that way...of course it works that way. I can read the symptoms of clinical depression and say "yeah, I have some of these", because everyone has some of them...but since I have *some* of them to a very mild degree and they don't interfere w/ my life, chances are I don't have clinical depression.
Same goes for ADHD. If someone is mildly inattentive and that inattention is the only symptom, chances are, no, there is no ADHD. But that is far from the only criteria used for a diagnosis. And there is a difference between 'normal' childhood distractability and the inability to function in certain situations because of attention issues. If it interferes w/ normal life, chances are it's not just childhood distractability.)
I do see how it can be used as a crutch...In what can be a good or bad moment of substitute teaching years ago, I had a kid say "I can't sit down and do this, I have ADHD" and I floored the room with "so do I, you can do it, you just may have to do it differently or work harder". I might have lost some points w/ the school's principal, but I gained some w/ the kids...
Personally, understanding my ADHD did wonders for me.
I was able to develop and improve my coping mechanisms because I understood that some of my "quirks" were things I did for a reason, etc. I didn't/don't think I use the "it's not my fault I did X, I have ADHD" line; I do understand the uses of:
"I am more comfortable with X, and less comfortable with Y because of my ADHD, how can I use this to my advantage?"
"knowing that X is a challenge for the following (ADHD related) reasons....., how can I make sure that I succeed in X?"
My ADHD diagnosis allowed me to break the cycle of eating disorders that I had built up to regain control. My diagnosis, even without drug treatment (I don't medicate for various reasons I won't get into) helps me understand and exploit my strengths and compensate for my weaknesses.
I DO wish people who gave diagnosis would encourage people to sit through a run-down of what the disability (and I use that term loosely, ADHD can be empowering too :-) entails. Because if all that mom got was ""she has trouble paying attention and following directions." there are going to be bigger issues...because ADHD is NOT just a learning disability (any more than autism or blindness or schizophrenia could be considered purely a learning disability), it's a part of this kids life and it is not just about paying attention. In fact, if this child uses hyper-focus, it can be a problem of paying to much attention...
I know the OP isn't the person who deals w/ these things, but if it comes up again, could you gently point the parents to their local CHADD chapter? (http://www.chadd.org/) some CHADD groups are better than others, but they can at least point them toward good resources.
(I would also highly, highly recommend Hallowell and Ratey's books the "driven to distraction" series)
Suze:
We have a young man (12 ish at the time) in our SCA group that the first thing out of his mouth was "I have ADHD, so I can't help myself it I am noisy or if I can't control myself" ACKKK
While I feel that letting other people know that a child has a problem is perfectly ok, the fact that THIS KID didn't even say hello first. These were the first words out of his mouth to us.
He has used it as an excuse for years now, (he is about 20).
I feel that, yes, if I know that the child has a problem, it can be easier to dismiss some of the behavior problems. (such as talking up a storm, Little Mr. Question Box.) But after a time the explanation becomes an excuse and then the excuse becomes a crutch and then the child becomes Little Mr. Entitlement Boy because "you can't blame me, you know I have ADHD."
It may take a little longer to learn but by the time you are 18 you should be able to sit still for 5 min and not "overtalk" everyone.
My friends one son has ADHD and at 14 he can be a reasonable human being to be around (When the smart-butt teenager gene is dormant anyway :P ) Unless he hasn't taken his meds for the day, and then you want to hang him from a hook. So I know it can be done.
hobish:
--- Quote from: Suze on January 05, 2007, 06:52:34 PM ---We have a young man (12 ish at the time) in our SCA group that the first thing out of his mouth was "I have ADHD, so I can't help myself it I am noisy or if I can't control myself" ACKKK
While I feel that letting other people know that a child has a problem is perfectly ok, the fact that THIS KID didn't even say hello first. These were the first words out of his mouth to us.
He has used it as an excuse for years now, (he is about 20).
I feel that, yes, if I know that the child has a problem, it can be easier to dismiss some of the behavior problems. (such as talking up a storm, Little Mr. Question Box.) But after a time the explanation becomes an excuse and then the excuse becomes a crutch and then the child becomes Little Mr. Entitlement Boy because "you can't blame me, you know I have ADHD."
It may take a little longer to learn but by the time you are 18 you should be able to sit still for 5 min and not "overtalk" everyone.
My friends one son has ADHD and at 14 he can be a reasonable human being to be around (When the smart-butt teenager gene is dormant anyway :P ) Unless he hasn't taken his meds for the day, and then you want to hang him from a hook. So I know it can be done.
--- End quote ---
OT'ish a bit, since you said he uses it as an excuse at age 20, but i kind of know how he feels with that being the 1st thing he says. I have a mild mental condition that i find myself over-explaining to people that really don't need to know & probably wouldn't even had noticed unless they get to know me pretty well. It's not so much an excuse as a cause for embarassment (for me). I've watched my ADD/schizophrenic/diabetic godson go through frustration & then shame enough to know i am not the only one.
Suze:
--- Quote from: hobgoblinish on January 07, 2007, 01:10:33 AM ---
--- Quote from: Suze on January 05, 2007, 06:52:34 PM ---We have a young man (12 ish at the time) in our SCA group that the first thing out of his mouth was "I have ADHD, so I can't help myself it I am noisy or if I can't control myself" ACKKK
While I feel that letting other people know that a child has a problem is perfectly ok, the fact that THIS KID didn't even say hello first. These were the first words out of his mouth to us.
He has used it as an excuse for years now, (he is about 20).
I feel that, yes, if I know that the child has a problem, it can be easier to dismiss some of the behavior problems. (such as talking up a storm, Little Mr. Question Box.) But after a time the explanation becomes an excuse and then the excuse becomes a crutch and then the child becomes Little Mr. Entitlement Boy because "you can't blame me, you know I have ADHD."
It may take a little longer to learn but by the time you are 18 you should be able to sit still for 5 min and not "overtalk" everyone.
My friends one son has ADHD and at 14 he can be a reasonable human being to be around (When the smart-butt teenager gene is dormant anyway :P ) Unless he hasn't taken his meds for the day, and then you want to hang him from a hook. So I know it can be done.
--- End quote ---
OT'ish a bit, since you said he uses it as an excuse at age 20, but i kind of know how he feels with that being the 1st thing he says. I have a mild mental condition that i find myself over-explaining to people that really don't need to know & probably wouldn't even had noticed unless they get to know me pretty well. It's not so much an excuse as a cause for embarassment (for me). I've watched my ADD/schizophrenic/diabetic godson go through frustration & then shame enough to know i am not the only one.
--- End quote ---
Well this one can be decent - he just doesn't want to be.- His MOTHER would not do anything to even try to help him control himself. He learned from her that he could use his ADHD as a little one man entitlement to do whatever he wanted to do and get away with it.
a for instance - he would routinely run through the kitchen areas at events. One time we had to skimp on a dish becase when he ran through the kitchen he knocked over half the ingredents. He didn't need to be in there in the first place, and his excuse was "I have ADHD and you know I can't help myself for doing it" shrugged and ran off. And I do mean run, full tilt, knock over little old ladies, run. (He did that too, at 15, and didn't even say excuse me)
He learned it from his mother, anything that he would do that was anywhere out of line, and by that I mean stuff that would have gotten a two year old corrected, She would just shrug and say that he had ADHD and couldn't control himself.
If you can read, you can notice the sign on the door that said STAY OUT
He would tell people that right off so that he could run wild and get away with it. As I said my friends one son has it too and he can sit and be decent and does not tell everyone about it, at all.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version