Question regarding a kosher BBQ

[Shopaholic]

Let's say I want to host a BBQ, and I invite people who keep kosher as well as people who don't.

Since the BBQ is all about meat, all the sides will be non-dairy (hummus, salad, etc...)
However, since I really prefer dairy desserts, would it be OK to serve dairy desserts as well as non-dairy ones, on a separate table, clearly marked dairy?

I asked a friend's husband who keeps kosher, and he said he didn't love the idea, but if it was on a separate table and clearly marked then it should not be aproblem. My question is, is it rude?

(My kitchen is not kosher, so to host a kosher meal means buying everything disposable, including serving bowls, serving utensils and investing in a new knife and chopping board. The grill can be "kosher-ized".)

[Dorrie78]

I don't know the answer to your question, but I always thought that the rule was that dairy and meat can't be mixed together (or consumed together), not that there was a restriction on dairy altogether. I'll be interested in the answers on this thread!!

[Shopaholic]

You're right, they aren't allowed to be mixed.
But there are different levels of observance: I think the most extreme wait 6 hours after consuming meat before eating dairy, some eat dairy before meat but not after, and some just don't mix the two in the same dish.

I live in Israel, so for example some cafeterias have both a meat and a dairy counter, but there is no problem to eat either on the same table. Some cafeterias have separate dining areas.

I just want to know if it would be rude to even put out dairy food in the presence of people who keep kosher, and allow it to be consumed on the same surfaces, even if it is served on a different surface.

[veryfluffy]

I just want to know if it would be rude to even put out dairy food in the presence of people who keep kosher, and allow it to be consumed on the same surfaces, even if it is served on a different surface.

How could that be rude? You are providing food to suit your guests' preferences, and even accommodating unusual requirements for consuming that food (ie special dishes). Just as if they were dieting, vegan or lactose intolerant, they don't get a vote on your overall menu or what everyone else is allowed to eat.

[Sharnita]

Aren't there also rules about how the animals are slaughtered and/or processed?  There might need to be some attention paid to that - I only have the vaguest knowledge.

[kareng57]

Aren't there also rules about how the animals are slaughtered and/or processed?  There might need to be some attention paid to that - I only have the vaguest knowledge.

I believe that's true, but as Shopaholic says, many people do vary their Kosher observance - even if they keep a strict Kosher kitchen at home, they don't adhere to strict rules when eating out - otherwise, they may hardly get to eat anywhere other than other Kosher homes.

The friend who said he'd be okay with dairy desserts being on a separate table, and well marked, is a good example of this I think.

[Merry Mrs Martin]

   I might ask all the Kosher guests.   Will there also be a non dairy dessert choice?   Since OP is in Israel I assume she knows to go to a Kosher butcher and that Kosher meat is readily available. 

[Shopaholic]

I just want to know if it would be rude to even put out dairy food in the presence of people who keep kosher, and allow it to be consumed on the same surfaces, even if it is served on a different surface.

How could that be rude? You are providing food to suit your guests' preferences, and even accommodating unusual requirements for consuming that food (ie special dishes). Just as if they were dieting, vegan or lactose intolerant, they don't get a vote on your overall menu or what everyone else is allowed to eat.

It has been my perception that you can't have a meal that has both kosher and not kosher. It's either completely kosher or completely unkosher. Once again, I think this depends on the people keeping kosher. I'm sure some don't mind and others do.
At our wedding for instance - a great-uncle of my husband's who is very religious came early to see the kosher certification.

Obviously the best option would be to directly ask the people who keep kosher, but I don't have a very good relationship with them (DH's friends from a long time ago) and I also think it might be a tiny bit offending to call someone and ask "exactly how kosher are you?".

   I might ask all the Kosher guests.   Will there also be a non dairy dessert choice?   Since OP is in Israel I assume she knows to go to a Kosher butcher and that Kosher meat is readily available. 

Yes, of course. Kosher meat is available and I can get all the sides and salads pre-packaged. This kinda sucks because I love to cook, but looking on the bright side will save me a lot of time.

[greencat]

I don't think it's rude to ask, when planning to accommodate dietary restrictions, what exactly those restrictions are.  Since they're your husbands friends, perhaps he can do the asking?

[Merry Mrs Martin]

  I would have DH call and say ..... " we have had the BBQ (Kosherized I forgot the word) we have sides and salads from (insert Kosher store/cater) , all new disposable dishes , flatware, serving wear and glasses.  *Add any additional modifications you made.* Is there anything I missed that would be not Kosher?.    Also, will cake made dairy available for nonkosher guests , keep in a totally separate area be OK?


I'm not Jewish ,I live in a area of the State with a large Jewish population .  Some Kosher laws I don't think apply here , the  ban on new grain  and the first 3 and 7th year harvest commsumption.

 

[Shopaholic]

I'm not Jewish ,I live in a area of the State with a large Jewish population .  Some Kosher laws I don't think apply here , the  ban on new grain  and the first 3 and 7th year harvest commsumption.

Yes, you're correct. That only applies for things grown on Israeli soil.
Some kosher laws are really obscure and almost weird. Wine, for example, is only kosher if it is made by Jews.

Fruits grown in Israel are supposedly not kosher if the orchards are attended to by Jews on Saturday. So the Jewish farmers sell to a Druze farmer, who then sells it back to Jews for consumption.

I think I'll mull this over for a bit, I still have time to think it over.
Tops we'll have fruit salad and sorbet, we'll probably be too full for anything else .
I refuse to use non-dairy cream substitutes!

[cicero]

i think it really depends on your guests. And since you say you really can't ask them,  or don't want to ask them, I would err on the more observant side. Since you're offering a completely kosher/non dairy meal, I would continue this through dessert.

I used to keep strictly kosher (raised orthodox and lived orthodox till about 10 years ago). (Today i keep kosher at home but less observant outside the home). For many people who keep kosher, eating out in someone's house is a big deal - i actually know many people who *wouldn't* eat in your home - even if you buy everything etc - because they might feel that they can't trust you to know what to do and you might make a mistake. If I were keeping strictly kosher, and did come to your house to eat, and then you put out a dairy cake after a meat meal - i might feel strange or feel like maybe everything else you served was questionable.

I agree with you that dairy desserts are the best. but in this case I wouldn't.

and actually, after a big BBQ meal, we usually just serve some fresh fruit (melon, watermelon, etc) and marshmallows. people are usualy too stuffed for anything else.

[kudeebee]

It is not rude to have dairy desserts.  You are providing plenty of kosher options for your Jewish guests.  They should not get to dictate the rest of the food for the party.  As long as the desserts are clearly marked and kept on a separate table, have different serving/cutting utensils, etc, there should be no problem.  Same way with any non-kosher sides that you wish to offer.  all the sides do not have to be kosher either.  You are having a mix of kosher/nonkosher guests and can supply the foods that you want as long as you make sure there is something for everyone to eat.

[greencat]

The problem is that non-kosher offerings might actually cause the kosher offerings to be considered non-kosher by their inclusion in the meal.

[jpcher]

I asked a friend's husband who keeps kosher, and he said he didn't love the idea, but if it was on a separate table and clearly marked then it should not be aproblem. My question is, is it rude?

Since your not completely sure, maybe ask your friend and not the husband? I'm betting that she has hosted a few dinners.

See what she has to say.