Question regarding a kosher BBQ

[veryfluffy]

So if the dairy dishes are placed away from meat dishes for serving, and there is plenty of non-dairy options available for the observant, can it be rude for non-observant guests to eat dairy at the same meal? To me, that would be allowing some guests to impose their values and preferences on everyone else, even though their needs have been specifically accommodated. I think it would be rude of the guests to do attempt to do this.

I am not sure that I understand what you think is rude here... do you think that it is rude for people who don't keep kosher to eat a dairy and meat meal in front of people who do eat kosher?  How would that be "allowing some guests to impose their values and preferences on everyone else"?

There is a full range of options and people can eat to their desired level of kosher-ness. 

I guess that I can't see the problem, unless the non-kosher guests are going to literally rub ice cream in the faces of the kosher guests.

this is a really interesting article on milk and meat in kosher law - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milk_and_meat_in_Jewish_law - and it basically says that the physical proximity of milk and meat dishes is fine as long as there is no cross contamination.

No, that was exactly my point. I can't see how it would be rude for anyone else to eat meat and dairy in the same meal (or the same cheeseburger), just because others at the event chose to keep kosher. It would be rude of the ultra-observant guests to be offended by others eating what they liked, especially if the host had made every effort to accommodate their preferences.

[barefoot_girl]

If i was going to the trouble of Kosherising my BBQ grill  (I know thats not a word, but it ought to be!), I would simply not bother with a dairy dessert. I'd serve fruit salads, sorbets, that sort of thing. Its not as if the non-observant people are going to sigh and beat their breasts over the absence of cheesecake, is it, because they won't know that you ever thought of offering cheesecake in the first place!

Anyway, I don't much like cheesecake, and I love sorbet, so for me, this is a non-issue 

[MindsEye]

No, that was exactly my point. I can't see how it would be rude for anyone else to eat meat and dairy in the same meal (or the same cheeseburger), just because others at the event chose to keep kosher. It would be rude of the ultra-observant guests to be offended by others eating what they liked, especially if the host had made every effort to accommodate their preferences.

Thanks for the clarification, I misread and was confused! 

My husband's family occasionally does kosher for holidays (they are mostly casually, culturally jewish) and I find kosher laws fascinating.

[Shopaholic]

If i was going to the trouble of Kosherising my BBQ grill  (I know thats not a word, but it ought to be!), I would simply not bother with a dairy dessert. I'd serve fruit salads, sorbets, that sort of thing. Its not as if the non-observant people are going to sigh and beat their breasts over the absence of cheesecake, is it, because they won't know that you ever thought of offering cheesecake in the first place!

Anyway, I don't much like cheesecake, and I love sorbet, so for me, this is a non-issue 

Kosherizing the grill is actually quite easy - It has to be cleaned and then the racks put into the fire or something like that, DH's department not mine. Disposable grills are also available.

I think that very observant people who actually mind having people eat non-kosher in front of them would probably choose to not attend if they knew the situation. I guess it depends on the person and how observant s/he is.

We got married at DH's parents' house. The rabbinate always asks where the couple is getting married, and if they aren't familiar with the place, they request a kosher certificate from the caterers/event location. Since we got married at a house, we were asked if there was going to be food, and told to keep it away from the ceremony 

[gellchom]

I keep kosher, too, and I am also less strict than many people.  I don't mix my dishes, but I personally don't wait any specific period after meat before eating dairy.  So I have often been in the position of wishing I could serve a fabulous dairy dessert (because let's face it, most parve desserts are barely worth the calories!) after a meat meal.  Believe me, I hear you.

But I've given up on that.  I just do all one way or the other.

It's not a question of "offending" anyone, at least not for me.  It's just that it's a distraction; you don't want your guests who have just eaten a meat meal to see ice cream and have a jolt, wondering whether what they just ate was kosher at all.  I know all the other posters are trying to be very helpful.  But it's useless to base this decision on what we think it's logical for other people to feel.  That never works anyway, and for kashrut, which isn't logical to begin with, it's really pointless.

It's also a pain to make sure you've cleared away every last meat item.  And I definitely wouldn't buy new items just to do it.

It's getting to be shesek time in Israel anyway, isn't it?  No better dessert than that!

[Thipu1]

I'm thinking if your guests keep kosher enough to mind dairy options being available on a separate table, they would mind the meat being kept in the fridge with dairy, so you might want to consider a cooler.

that's not a problem - most observant jews have one fridge which holds both dairy and meat products. (THere are rumors that some sects of ultra religious jews have separate fridges but i've never actually seen such homes. 

the separation would be at the meal itself, not during storage.

We attended a pool party at such a home.  There were actually two separate kitchens.  It resembled something out of Kitchen Stadium     We knew the family was observant and played it safe with gifts of fruit and pool toys for the young children in the family.  Someone else brought home-made brownies.

  The hostess handled things well. She wanted to keep Kosher but she also didn't want to offend her guest.  The brownies were served with lemonade as poolside snacks. They never actually came into the house.

If you're concerned about dairy desserts, a refreshing and healthy close to a meat Barbecue could be a nice fruit salad and a selection of sorbets.   

 

[gellchom]

Oh, Thipu, your brownie story reminded me of something that happened at our house once.

I was hosting a little party for people at my office, where I was one of the few Jews, to celebrate a win in a case.  We were all sitting out on the deck, not inside, fortunately.  The head of our section and his wife brought a plate of crab dip she had made.  [Crab, like all shellfish, is DEFINITELY not kosher.]  What to do?!  We knew they had no idea that it was a problem, and it was really nice of the wife to make it.  We didn't want to embarrass them.  So we didn't say anything at all -- fortunately, we were using disposable plates and cups and flatware, so we just discreetly cleared away any serving pieces and such that weren't disposable.  And we carefully watched that  plate, and anything that that dip ended up on, to make sure it didn't come into the house, especially not the kitchen!  If we'd had the party inside, I suppose we wouldn't have been able to do that, but as everything was outside, we were able to pull it off without making them feel bad.  I'm glad we could.