As a guest, Which party would you prefer?

[jpcher]

I've caused myself a dilemma and am wondering what type of party you all would prefer . . . if you were guests.

This concerns my DD#2's graduation party. She doesn't want a fancy-schmancy dinner party. She would prefer a back-yard BBQ party which is fine and dandy. We throw some great back-yard parties!

Normally our parties are on Saturday and start at 1-2:00 and last oh, say, until the beer runs out. . . .  Not saying that everybody get's sloshed (they don't. They are responsible drinkers) but saying that everybody gets a good long time to relax with family and friends that don't see each other very often at all (maybe twice a year.)

My dilemma is twofold:

1. The party has to be held on the weekend of graduation due to both Grandmas living out of state. They are invited to the graduation ceremony (yes, DD#2 decided to walk *) and I can't really expect them to come for the ceremony one weekend and then come for a party on a different date.

2. A band that DD#2 really likes and wants to see is coming to town for 1 night only. Yup. The Saturday before her graduation. In all of her (almost)18 years of life, she's never been to a concert. You should have seen the glow of appreciation in her eyes when I told her that I bought her 4 tickets.

Soooo, if you've made it this far . . .


If I hold the party on Saturday, DD#2 (and DD#1 who has been invited to go to the concert) will have to leave by say oh, 3:00.

It would be really rude for the GOH to leave her own party, right?

At the same time, all the guests get to stay until whenever . . . relax and enjoy the company of other guests.

I could start the party earlier (10-11ish?) and do a brunch type of deal, but that would mean that the Gparents would have to start their drive much earlier in the day.

I can have the party on Sunday after graduation, starting at like 2 or 3, but I know the rest of the invitees work on Monday and may feel that the party is rushed due to their own schedules. I know that I like my quiet time on Sunday evenings, and am sure that guests feel the same.

(If I do the party on Sunday, I would take Monday off and definitely not push for people to leave, but there are the guests to consider.)

A 3-4 hour party with these people is unheard of. I really would like for everybody to relax and enjoy the time together.


Yes. I know that I caused the dilemma. But since it's already done, as a guest, which party would you prefer to attend?








*that was a different post in time for a coffee break. I'm glad she decided to walk.

[Merry Mrs Martin]

  Are the grandparents the only people who will be driving far , how far is far  and do they have to work Monday morning? The ceremony is Sunday , right?  I'm leaning towards Sunday.  Because if DD has to leave at 3 she will be getting ready for a little bit and 1-2 hours of GOH time is pretty short, if the party started at noon and she left at 5 I think it would be OK. 

[ClaireC79]

How far would the grandparents have to come, if they could leave after say 8-8.30 I'd vote for the brunch - if they would have to leave at 5am I wouldn't

Personally though the quiet time on a Sunday wouldn't bother me, and I'd be fine with that (and would likely leave about 7pm if I had the kids, up to 9 or 10 if it was just me) but I don't work a regular schedule and often don't have a weekend, and so am used to not having that wind down before work,  that may not apply to many of your guests as you suspect they'd appreciate the relax time

[Bales]

If it's mostly family, I'd be fine with the GOH leaving early, as long as she made a good effort to say hello and chat with everyone before she left.  Maybe start the party at 1pm so that's a good two hours before she has to go?

[NyaChan]

Couldn't the grandparents come up on Friday evening instead of saturday of the party and then you can start earlier without having them drive so early in the morning?

[jpcher]

  Are the grandparents the only people who will be driving far , how far is far  and do they have to work Monday morning? The ceremony is Sunday , right?  I'm leaning towards Sunday.  Because if DD has to leave at 3 she will be getting ready for a little bit and 1-2 hours of GOH time is pretty short, if the party started at noon and she left at 5 I think it would be OK.

MIL has a 4-5 hour drive and will be staying overnight or with her daughter who lives about 30 minutes away from me.

My parents have a 3+ hour drive, they will be staying with me if the party is on Saturday. I'm betting if the party is on Sunday they would drive home the same night (unless I insist they stay because I'm taking Monday off.)

MIL and my parents are retired. No work for them on Monday!

The farthest other guests have to drive is about 45 minutes.


There will be about 20-30 guests invited.

[Merry Mrs Martin]

  Are the grandparents the only people who will be driving far , how far is far  and do they have to work Monday morning? The ceremony is Sunday , right?  I'm leaning towards Sunday.  Because if DD has to leave at 3 she will be getting ready for a little bit and 1-2 hours of GOH time is pretty short, if the party started at noon and she left at 5 I think it would be OK.

MIL has a 4-5 hour drive and will be staying overnight or with her daughter who lives about 30 minutes away from me.

My parents have a 3+ hour drive, they will be staying with me if the party is on Saturday. I'm betting if the party is on Sunday they would drive home the same night (unless I insist they stay because I'm taking Monday off.)

MIL and my parents are retired. No work for them on Monday!

The farthest other guests have to drive is about 45 minutes.


There will be about 20-30 guests invited.

If the party is Sunday would MIL stay Sunday night with her daughter?  IF yes, then I say Sunday.  IF she would leave at 3-5 pm then I say Saturday  but a little earlier ,noonish?

[Deetee]

I think this depends on the family.

In my family the focus is on the party, not the GOH. This includes weddings and I have to say, I really like it this way. So that would be my preference (the saturday party as per usual).

But if your family is set up on more of a "special day for one person" this might feel like she is being shortchanged (even if your daughter doesn't mind)

So it depends on what your family is like.

[NyaChan]

Another thing you might want to consider - are there guests present who are within your daughter's age group?  Cousins or something?  I would be miffed if I went to a cousin or friend's graduation party who I would normally expect to socialize with only to have them leave early to go to a concert without me.

[O'Dell]

I voted the Saturday party where the GoH leaves early. I think if you put in on the invitations that the party covers the times that your daughter will be there, you'll be fine. Then get the word out that people are welcome to stay.

[jpcher]

Another thing you might want to consider - are there guests present who are within your daughter's age group?  Cousins or something?  I would be miffed if I went to a cousin or friend's graduation party who I would normally expect to socialize with only to have them leave early to go to a concert without me.

Excellent point.

There are 2 cousins that are the DDs age. They usually bring their BFs or another friend with them and know DDs other friends, who are on the tentative guest list.

I do not have a problem with cousins and their friends staying after DDs left the party because they all know the family members. The friends that will be invited are as close to family as friends can get. KWIM?

At the same time, that's a good point about which of DD#2's friends should be invited.


hmmmm . . . more food for thought.

[saki]

So, the only people who are travelling a significant distance (further than 45 mins) are retired so don't have work on Monday? 

Given that, I'd go for the Sunday.  You probably will get  a few people leaving a bit earlier than they might have done but I would have thought most would be able to stay till early evening. 

Personally, I'd say that your daughter getting to spend time at her own party was more important and will be more fun for all of you than the inconvenience aspect of a party on a Sunday - particularly because you're talking about a Sunday afternoon party, not a Sunday evening party.

[blarg314]

If the only people who need to travel are retired, then I'd go with Sunday. I would find it as pretty self centred and tacky for someone to leave their own party after an hour or two because they've got something that they want to do more than spend time with their guests, even for a family party.

[jemma]

Can you do the brunch party and just have the grandparents arrive late?

[MacadamiaNut]

I voted the Sunday after graduation since that seems the least disruptive.  You don't need to feel responsible for people feeling the party is rushed, because in your eyes, it really is not.  Guests who leave early will leave of their own volition.  You can just simply not set a hard start and end time.  So, in this situation, I'd be inclined to have a more open event time as follows:

"The party starts at 2pm and will continue into the evening (or indefinitely).  Please come by anytime after 2pm.  We're cutting the cake at 5pm."  Or something like that which lets the guests know the time of the key event and that there are no limitations of time other than that (cake, dinner, or whatever but make sure there is some sort of "key event" to anchor the arrival/leaving time.  Most guests know to be there before and after the anchor event.  Cake is always a very good way of doing this   I have found this method accommodates everyone - the early arrivers, the late leavers and everyone in between!).  For a barbecue, I would actually say the food will be hot and ready for a large part, if not all of the time.  This will make everyone feel welcome no matter which time they arrive or leave.  If you have an anchor event though, it will at least guarantee that there will be a portion of the day (2-4 hours) where all guests are there together in merriment.

Sunday makes sense because DDs' Saturday night hoopla will be done and she will feel more relaxed and finalized having walked and all.  (This part of my opinion might be heavily biased due to my family though, as we think it's bad luck to celebrate something before it's happened).  Anyhow, back to the topic, the grandmas have to drive for Sunday ceremony anyway so it won't affect them - it will actually just add to their day in a good way.  They can choose to stay overnight or drive back as they see fit.  Everyone else, I'm sure knows what your parties are like and some will either come prepared to leave early if they need "Sunday wind-down time" or will just simply make an exception to that need and come prepared to stay (I bet most will come prepared to stay).  The others, well they don't need the wind-down time so they will likely be unaffected by the day you choose in any case. 

That's why I think more people win with the Sunday scenario.  And more importantly, the GOH (DD) gets to to have her cake and eat it too which, in this scenario, seems so awesome for her! 

On another note, barbecue and beer sounds good to me, so what time should I be there?