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Author Topic: Our house, their party Update #20  (Read 9872 times)

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Re: Our house, their party
« Reply #15 on: April 12, 2012, 05:23:01 PM »
even if you were partial hosts, you are hosting a party *for a guest of honor* (in this case, two guests of honor).

This is absolutely NOT a time to be hosting your own personal friends who do not have a connection to the guest of honor. That would be rude. Even if you were FULLY hosting it.

I disagree with the bold above.

If you are FULLY hosting a party you're allowed to invite whomever you want. I would hope the invitations go out as "Special party for GOH" so that the friend(s) you invite know it's not just a simple gathering.

Maybe you have friends that you would like your family to meet and vise versa. I think that guests can honor a special occasion even if they don't have a connection to the GOH.

In this case, OP is not hosting. I agree they shouldn't invite friends. DH was rude to not clear it with the hosts before making the invites.

However if it was cleared with nephew and niece before invitations to friends went out, I don't see a problem with it . . . so long as friends and DH don't just hang out (in the garage :P) with each other and ignore the reason for the party and the rest of the guests.

If I were hosting a party at someone else's home? I wouldn't have a problem with homeowners inviting a few extra guests. I would call it a "Thanks for letting me use your home" type of gesture.


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Re: Our house, their party
« Reply #16 on: April 14, 2012, 07:57:16 PM »
It sounds like DH has already invited some people, so now there's the potential rudeness of uninviting them.  How many friends is a "few"?  If just two or three and the party is large, perhaps they could be absorbed without fuss.  However, DH needs to realize that this is not his party and the extra invitations should stop now. 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

gramma dishes

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Re: Our house, their party
« Reply #17 on: April 14, 2012, 08:57:13 PM »
Could you possibly invite these Friends of Husband for later in the evening, after most of the main food had been served,  some guests had left and there were just a few people there having one last beer? 

Or could you ask them to come over the next evening, leaving some of the decorations and stuff set up and just hosting a smaller second party for husband's friends then?

In this case you are right and your husband is clearly wrong, but I can easily understand why you'd want to approach your response to his idea with care. 


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Re: Our house, their party
« Reply #18 on: April 16, 2012, 09:07:40 AM »
We talked about this again this weekend, and it seems that while he has "mentioned" the party to a couple people, he has not actually invited anyone.  I reiterated that we should not be inviting anyone, since this is not our party, and he seemed to accept that.  He did say a couple times that he was sure nephew would not care, but when I pointed out that nephew might not but niece most certainly would, he agreed that I was likely right about that.

So, at this point, he appears to understand that he is not to invite anyone to the party. 

Could you possibly invite these Friends of Husband for later in the evening, after most of the main food had been served,  some guests had left and there were just a few people there having one last beer? 

This is actually a good idea for a compromise, should one be needed, and I would be okay with his doing this.


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Re: Our house, their party
« Reply #19 on: April 25, 2012, 09:41:38 AM »
A cautionary tale for you, OP, to tell your dh:

A few years ago, a vacation-home-owning relative (VHOR) offered his vacation home as a venue for a family party. We have had many family parties there as it's a nice location and the outdoor space is substantial.  Another family member paid for the food, several others prepared the food, another bought the drinks, another decorated, several people brought lawn chairs, etc.  The VHOR contributed nothing other than the space (which was fine, no one was expecting more). 

To everyone's shock and with no advance notification, it turned out he had invited his work crew and everyone in the  neighborhood to party. An additional 15-20 people showed up. It was very awkward and inconvenient, especially since these additions to the party planted themselves on the deck's built-in seating, isolating themselves and using up 15 seats, leaving quite a few family members without seating. Also,  this expansion of the guest list put a severe strain on the food and drink, necessitating a quick (and expensive) run to the local deli for additional supplies (which VHOR did NOT pay for). To top it off, VHOR and his wife then spent almost the entire party socializing with their friends and ignoring the family. Finally, VHOR's parents had a word with their son and his attitude was that it was his house, so therefore it was his party and he could invite who ever he wanted. And if we didn't like, we didn't have to use his house again for family parties.

This was several years ago. The family has not used his house again for family parties and he is invited to, but no longer included in any family party planning.
« Last Edit: April 25, 2012, 09:44:22 AM by Cami »


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Re: Our house, their party
« Reply #20 on: May 22, 2012, 12:39:38 PM »
I wanted to give a little update to this. The party is coming up next weekend, so on Sunday our nephew and niece in law came over to our house to see how much shade there would be at the time of the party, so they could decide whether to put up some canopies or not.  In the course of talking about the party and logistics thereof, neice in law said, unsolicited, "Feel free to invite a few friends, like Andy and Amy, and Bill and Betty" (friends of ours who she has met before).  I thanked her and said what I would do is invite them to come by a couple hours after the start of the party, so she could be sure they would have plenty of food for their invited guests first.  She told me that was not necessary, as they'd ordered more than enough, and she was just so appreciative of our offering up our home. 

So, crisis averted, and DH and I can stop bickering about this once and for all.  Unless he now tries to invite, like, 30 people.  :P  That would be an entirely new issue.  But I don't think he will do that.   

ETA - Unrelated to this particular issue, I wanted to praise my niece in law - she actually offered (practically insisted) to pay to have my house cleaned after the party.  I demurred, but thought it was awfully kind of her.

« Last Edit: May 22, 2012, 12:46:46 PM by suekel »


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Re: Our house, their party Update #20
« Reply #21 on: May 22, 2012, 03:33:59 PM »
One point that occurred to me is that, by saying what she did, your niece-in-law actually indicated that she DID think you'd need her permission to invite people to her party.

She confirmed your own point of view, actually. So in fact, she DID care. (it's just that the way she reacted to this was to be generous and grateful.) How much better it was that you waited for her to offer, instead of springing it on her.

Thanks for the update!!

I hope it's a lovely party!