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Author Topic: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)  (Read 9927 times)

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philliesphan

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #15 on: April 12, 2012, 12:27:18 PM »
He also told her that "when you make plans without us, you make plans without us."

Beautiful. This was perfectly said. Good for your DH, good for you, and ultimately, good for your SD, too. (And I'm adding the quote above to my own arsenal.)

Ditto. That is GOLD and I'm stealing it!

NyaChan

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #16 on: April 12, 2012, 12:33:01 PM »
He also told her that "when you make plans without us, you make plans without us."

Beautiful. This was perfectly said. Good for your DH, good for you, and ultimately, good for your SD, too. (And I'm adding the quote above to my own arsenal.)

I am in awe of your husband for pulling that out on the fly- going to put that line in the drawer for later...

Good for you guys for sticking up for yourselves & your SD! 

heartmug

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #17 on: April 12, 2012, 12:54:38 PM »
He also told her that "when you make plans without us, you make plans without us."

Beautiful. This was perfectly said. Good for your DH, good for you, and ultimately, good for your SD, too. (And I'm adding the quote above to my own arsenal.)

Ditto. That is GOLD and I'm stealing it!

Me too!

It is hard to have a spine with your in-laws and/or parents.  But I speak from experience when I say it is worth it.
One option in a tug of war with someone is just to drop the rope.

kudeebee

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #18 on: April 12, 2012, 01:25:55 PM »
He also told her that "when you make plans without us, you make plans without us."

Beautiful. This was perfectly said. Good for your DH, good for you, and ultimately, good for your SD, too. (And I'm adding the quote above to my own arsenal.)

Ditto. That is GOLD and I'm stealing it!

POD

Great saying!!! One that needs to be used more often and even added to our section on using phrases.

ItsyBitsy

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #19 on: April 12, 2012, 01:46:43 PM »
As witty and wonderful as my Dh is "When you make plans without us, you make plans without us," is not his creation.  It is a line I picked up from a stepmom community I belong to.  One of the lovely ladies there coined it.  I have found it very handy in many situations where things were demanded of me last minute. 

-Bitsy

jane7166

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #20 on: April 12, 2012, 03:52:14 PM »
As witty and wonderful as my Dh is "When you make plans without us, you make plans without us," is not his creation.  It is a line I picked up from a stepmom community I belong to.  One of the lovely ladies there coined it.  I have found it very handy in many situations where things were demanded of me last minute. 

-Bitsy

Yes, but DH leaned the line from you and used it perfectly.  Well done!

Otterpop

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #21 on: April 12, 2012, 04:46:03 PM »
Awesome!  And thank you for sharing that line, I'm sure it will become a classic around here.  ;)

FoxPaws

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #22 on: April 12, 2012, 05:21:49 PM »
Beautifully handled. Kudos to you and your DH for standing strong and together on behalf of your stepdaughter.

It sucks that your ILs care more about their own convenience than their granddaughter and niece, but it may be better in the long run that it's out in the open - easier for her to see that this is their failure and not her fault. (I'm making the interesting assumption that they don't call or contact her outside of the afterthought visits.)
I am so a lady. And if you say I'm not, I'll slug you. - Cindy Brady

Piratelvr1121

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #23 on: April 12, 2012, 05:37:52 PM »
Bravo! I'm impressed! :):):)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

weeblewobble

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #24 on: April 12, 2012, 06:23:55 PM »
You go!!!

Sounds like it's the fake attempts at pretending to care that bother your sd; if she doens't get that rubbed in her face she's ok. So maybe the 'permanent rift' is for the best. SD stays calm, and y'all can avoid the drama and unpleasantness of being the less-favored-but-still-expected-to-jump-thru-hoops family.

Ditto. Visits with grandparents aren't supposed to end in panic attacks for the grandkid. What shameful behavior on the part of your PIL, ItsyBitsy. As much as I feel for you having to deal with it, I really feel more for your SD. Good job standing up for yourself and her!

POD. Do ILs understand that their behavior causes panic attacks/meltdowns for SD?  Do they even question what about their visits they could change to limit this damage?  What strange, selfish people.  You did well.  MIL is throwing a tantrum, let her. Imagine how stupid she looks, hopping up and down, screaming, "YOU WON'T LET ME TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU ANYMORE!!"

ItsyBitsy

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #25 on: April 12, 2012, 06:25:09 PM »
I'm making the interesting assumption that they don't call or contact her outside of the afterthought visits.

It may be an assumption but that doesn't mean it's not true.  I "The evil DIL that ruined their son" always had SD call MIL once or twice a week when she is with us on my phone.  They never called to speak to her or me for that matter.  They expect to be catered to.  MIL only calls DH when she wants something or wants to guilt trip him about something.  She expects him to call her. 

-Bitsy

ItsyBitsy

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #26 on: April 12, 2012, 06:30:43 PM »


POD. Do ILs understand that their behavior causes panic attacks/meltdowns for SD?  Do they even question what about their visits they could change to limit this damage?  What strange, selfish people.  You did well.  MIL is throwing a tantrum, let her. Imagine how stupid she looks, hopping up and down, screaming, "YOU WON'T LET ME TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU ANYMORE!!"
[/quote]

We've told them but MIL refuses to listen.  She steadfastly refuses to believe that anything she wants or does could be bad for SD.  She keeps trying to argue that anytime is better than no time when in fact the opposite is proving true. 

-Bitsy

jedikaiti

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  • A pie in the hand is worth two in the mail.
Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #27 on: April 12, 2012, 06:36:14 PM »
We've told them but MIL refuses to listen.  She steadfastly refuses to believe that anything she wants or does could be bad for SD.  She keeps trying to argue that anytime is better than no time when in fact the opposite is proving true. 

Sounds to me like this isn't about seeing SD, or caring about her in any way. MIL wants a tool to use against you and DH and SD is it.

If MIL is unwilling to follow your family's rules for contact with SD, she doesn't need to have any contact with SD. Ever. She already seems to associate MIL with pain and suffering, no need to torment the kid further.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

KenveeB

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #28 on: April 12, 2012, 09:42:04 PM »
He also told her that "when you make plans without us, you make plans without us."

Beautiful. This was perfectly said. Good for your DH, good for you, and ultimately, good for your SD, too. (And I'm adding the quote above to my own arsenal.)

Ditto. That is GOLD and I'm stealing it!

POD

Great saying!!! One that needs to be used more often and even added to our section on using phrases.

I agree, it's perfect! Bravo to you and DH for drawing your lines and sticking to them!

Snooks

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Re: MIL discovers DH and I have polite spines (long)
« Reply #29 on: April 13, 2012, 05:29:10 AM »
He also told her that "when you make plans without us, you make plans without us."

Beautiful. This was perfectly said. Good for your DH, good for you, and ultimately, good for your SD, too. (And I'm adding the quote above to my own arsenal.)

Ditto. That is GOLD and I'm stealing it!

POD

Great saying!!! One that needs to be used more often and even added to our section on using phrases.

I agree, it's perfect! Bravo to you and DH for drawing your lines and sticking to them!

Another POD here.  Well done to your DH for dealing with it so calmly.  I'll be tucking that line away to use at a later date.