my MIL is antsy about DD's graduation party

[Zilla]

I was going to suggest to let mil plan your son's 8th grade party and let you do your daughter's party.


If you did want her help, in what area would you have her help you in?  I would go ahead and give it to her so she can feel like she is doing something.


Also, if you are having it catered, I actually would consider booking it now due to late June being a popular wedding month along with graduations.

[Namárië]

Also, if you are having it catered, I actually would consider booking it now due to late June being a popular wedding month along with graduations.

It might be too late already, even. June is just two months away.

But I say that as a crazy planner. I've already started planning my sister's bridal shower in August. It's mostly because I'm excited that I'm planning so early. 

Good luck Toots!

[DottyG]

My DD has actually said she thinks it's a good idea to combine the parties

If this is what your daughter wants to do, why can't you combine them?

[Judah]

Is there any reason not to plan the party now?

I'm a scheduler who even schedules when things will be put on my schedule.  If I had to start planning a party now that isn't going to happen until then of June, well, that's just too much for me.  My DD graduates in late May, so in early May I'll sit down and figure out the type of party we'll have and what time so that I can invite people.  (We've actually already invited those who will be coming from a great distance.) Then 1 1/2 to 2 weeks before I'll start working on the details and making lists.  If I had to start planning now, it would make me crazy; I've got other things happening right now.

[TootsNYC]

My DD has actually said she thinks it's a good idea to combine the parties

If this is what your daughter wants to do, why can't you combine them?

We're going to combine it w/ her brother's; sorry I didn't mention it. I was just responding to the people who were adamantly against that.

She doesn't think it's a good idea to combine the "graduations" party w/ her grandparents' Independence Day picnic. She wants it to be "our" party as much as her dad and I do.

In fact, before all the big decisions (date, place, type of food, scope of guest list), we're discussing it inside the family.

And speaking of guest list--that *is* the one component I actually need MIL to help with, and maybe I'll get her started on that: compiling the guest list for her side of the family. Though lately she's been adding odd sorts of people, esp. w/ the 4th of July event. And she's sort of started doing what could be seen as the "I'll label it a b'day party so my son will get presents" tactic. I think she gets invited to so many other gift-giving parties (sweet-16 parties), and gives generous presents, and by gum she wants HER family to have a turn!

I don't fight her too much on that.

Oh, she has used the 4th of July party to celebrate my husband's 50th and my DD's 16th, so that's the precedent that's influencing her. But I feel like this is just bigger than that, and we're all feeling a little bit territorial.

[gingerzing]

Sorry, I was one of the ones who didn't think the parties should go together. 
Of course, if your daughter (and son for that matter ) are cool with the combined graduation parties - then great.   Just have seen combinations for things that seemed to push one kid out of the way for other reasons. 

[Lynn2000]

Also MIL may have many social obligations (4th of July, 8th grade graduation, your daughters graduation) coming up at the same time and she may want to make sure she has time for them all.  What you might want to do at this point is pick a day for the party and book the church hall (or whatever) and then let her know so she can put it on her calendar.  Then you can say "Thanks for your offer, we will let you know if we need any help."

It does sound like MIL has a lot of social events in her life, so I wonder if bopper's point could be part of what's driving MIL--for sure she doesn't want to miss her granddaughter's high school graduation party, but perhaps not having a date is making her a little crazy. Of course she could just say that, but still.

[TootsNYC]

Yeah, I think if I have a date for her it'll get her to ease up.  And June is probably going to arrive faster than I think it will.

[sevenday]

If you are planning to use a fellowship hall and/or cater part or all of the party, start making those calls NOW.  Why, you ask? Because when June hits, everyone else will realize that they also need to use that hall or book a caterer, and suddenly every caterer, deli, bakery, et al is busy, and the fellowship hall is booked solid.  First come first serve as it were.  That, and you can use it as ammunition against your MIL's plans. "But MIL, we already booked the hall/contracted a caterer! Relax and enjoy the party! We'll be sure to let everyone know closer to the event when and where it's happening."

Another good reason to nail down a date/time is so you can let your guests know.  DD's friends will likely be having parties of their own, so you'll want to know whose party you're accidentally overlapping with so who can/can't come... and to let relatives know, because even though a grad party is a cool and fun thing, there are other things happening around that time -  vacations starting, so on.   I do think MIL needs to butt out. 

I am not a fan of "combo" events, mainly because my bday falls very close to Thanksgiving.  For much of my formulative years, my birthday and Thanksgiving were celebrated at the same mass family event and I HATED IT.  When I was 12 or 13 I finally convinced my parents to let us split the events and do something much more low-key for my birthday.  Actually, the final result was that the big Tday dinner was also scrapped in favor of just nuclear family.  Nowadays we've rolled the b-day and thanksgiving into one again, but this is so much calmer and less crazy that I don't mind so much now. (And since I'm older I can now insist that my 'cake' not be pumpkin pie!)