Blind Date Etiquette?

[Samgirl2]

I have a blind date tonight - eek!

As I usually only date guys I've got to know a bit before hand - through work/hobbies/friends I don't have much experience of blind dates. I'm checking what's right/wrong...

My friend Laura was approached by her friend Sarah, who wanted to set her up with Tom, a guy she dated briefly and is now friends with due to lack of romantic chemistry. My friend Laura decided Tom would be more my type and asked if I would be interested in a blind date. I agreed, because why the hell not really. Laura trusts Sarah that he's a decent guy.

I asked for a bit more info and Sarah sent a picture (via my friend Laura) and a little about him.  I gave Laura my number to pass on to him via Sarah.

A week later (last Thursday) I receive a text from Tom, saying 'hi, how are you. I'm Tom, would you like to go for a drink sometime?'.   I texted back 'Hi Tom, that sounds great, I'm away over Easter weekend back around from Weds onwards next week'.

He replied saying 'Ok, weds then, where's a good place for you?'.  Now, I kind of think he should have had a plan, or at least a suggestion?  I had to think of somewhere to go so I suggested a local bar and he asked me to send him the address etc as he lives in the next town.

We've texted a few times, stuff like how was your weekend/still on for Weds etc, he seems nice, but I've tried not to text too often in case it doesn't go well when we meet and I have to back-peddle, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, so then yesterday I discover that by accident most of my friends are going to be in the same bar that night. Oh dear! So I text and explain and ask if we can move location. Again, he asks me where and what's the address.  I kind of feel like I'm having to arrange this date myself.

Then he texts back and says 'by the way, what do you look like, I don't know anything about you'.  Is this bad? I mean I asked for info and a photo before agreeing, I assumed he would have done the same and I'd given Laura a photo to pass on. Turns out he hadn't asked anything. He was told I was nice and I was single and he said ok.

Maybe he's just super laid back?

Or maybe I'd feel more secure if he at least knew what I looked like, so it won't be a disappointment if I'm not his type?

Probably I'm thinking too much, it's only a first date after all!

Any blind date advice?

UPDATE: He's just sent me a text saying he has a headache and a cold and can we postpone till next Tuesday... I can't do Tues or Weds next week and have suggested other days. We'll see how keen he is!

[Lady Anne]

Hi Samgirl2,

Blind dates can be a lot of fun, even if you don't "click" with the person you are meeting, i can be fun just to get out and do something different with a new person.

I wanted to address just a few things you mentioned:

Him asking you where to go/for addresses:  You mentioned that he lives in the next town.  He might not be familiar with your town and may be trying to be kind by making sure you aren't the one going for the longer drive.  By coming to your town, he is being gentlemanly.  I wouldn't read too much into this.  If you do feel sparks on this date and are asked for a second one, offer to go to his town and see if he plans the date when he is more familiar with the turf.

Him asking for what you look like/your picture: Honestly, my first thought was that he wanted to be able to recognize you when you meet up.  If he doesn't know anything about what you look like, he wouldn't have a chance of picking you out of a crowd.  If he was superficial about looks, he would have asked for a photo before ever agreeing to the date.

When you both do pick a new day to have your date, have a good time!  (And pick a "quiet" bar where you can hear each other without shouting!)

[Samgirl2]

Thanks Lady Anne,

Point taken about him be gentlemanly by driving to my town. Although I did suggest a location near me on purpose so I wouldn't have to drive to his town 

The photo thing - yeah, I've got no probs with him needing to recognise me. I was more surprised he obviously hadn't tried to find out anything about me from Laura or Sarah really.  Either he's not at all superficial like that, or he just likes anyone who's single. Hoping it's the former!

[LifeOnPluto]

I agree that he's probably just trying to be considerate in asking you to name a bar. You could always ask him "Do you have a preference?" Or pick two or three possible places and let him make the final choice, if you want him to take more "control" of the date.

It also sounds like he wants to know what you look like so he can recognise you in the bar. I personally wouldn't read too much into this.

[Raintree]

It also sounds like he wants to know what you look like so he can recognise you in the bar. I personally wouldn't read too much into this.

I thought so too. Maybe he just didn't think to ask for a picture and figured he'd find out about you when he met you. Also the cold thing could be legit. Who really wants to make their first impression snuffling and sneezing? I'd give that a pass unless he continually seems to flake out on dates.

[sweetonsno]

Hi Sam,

Congrats on your upcoming date. I hope you have a nice evening. :-)

As PPs have said, if he's in another town, it's unlikely that he knows what is in your area or what you like. I would take, "Where would you like to meet?" as an indication that he wanted the location to be comfortable and convenient for me. I certainly wouldn't take it as laziness. While I fully understand appreciating it when a guy makes the plans, I think it's a good sign that he asked for your input.

Also, I agree that the photo is probably just him wanting to make sure he recognizes you.

Think of this less as an opportunity to get a boyfriend and more a chance to have a nice evening with a buddy. You'll figure out pretty quickly if there is chemistry or not. Wondering about the future (will he think you're cute, will he want to date you again, etc) can set you up for serious disappointment if you don't click. I know it's hard, especially if you think he's funny and you like his personality. However, you don't want to get too attached to one possible outcome. Think of it as being open to all possibilities. This is something that I really struggle with myself, so I know it's tough.

[Mental Magpie]

Why does it lay on him to make the plans?  Why is it so bad he was asking you to do so?

[SleepyKitty]

My friend Laura was approached by her friend Sarah, who wanted to set her up with Tom, a guy she dated briefly and is now friends with due to lack of romantic chemistry. My friend Laura decided Tom would be more my type and asked if I would be interested in a blind date. I agreed, because why the hell not really. Laura trusts Sarah that he's a decent guy.

Re: Him letting you make the plans and asking for a pic only later - do you know how Sarah handled setting up the date? He could be acting so laid back because he's not really even looking, he's just been set up with a friend of a friend of a friend. Sarah may be the impetus for the date, not Tom; maybe she wants to play matchmaker. He probably agreed for the same reason - why the hell not? So it makes sense he's probably not going to be putting a ton of effort into this until he knows whether or not he likes you.

[Samgirl2]

All good points, thanks guys.

He has texted to reschedule for next week.  We'll see what happens.

[DavidH]

If I'd met you on line, I'd want to see a pic, since some people are unaware of what they truly look like.  But if a friend said let me fix you up, I'd assume they knew enough about me to think we'd be a match.  On the other hand, it's kind of hard to meet if you have no clue about what they look like, so you might say you're such and such height, brown hair, and eyes, and describe what you'll be wearing.

[Mikayla]

Have you actually talked to him on the phone, or has all this been via text?

I'm so glad texting wasn't around during my dating days!  I don't think it's bad etiquette for him to keep contacting you this way, but a real live phone call can work wonders in terms of helping you figure out where he's coming from.  Once you each expressed interest in the date, I think someone (probably him) should have gone to voice contact.

[ChiGirl]

I think him asking you to set the location is good form on his part, actually.  A lot of women (myself included) feel more comfortable on their "home turf" when meeting a strange guy.  (I mean a place you know well, that's convenient for you.  Not your actual home.)

[DaDancingPsych]

I saw nothing in your interactions to concern me. I thought the same thing about him being a gentleman by coming to your town. And maybe he trusts your mutual friends enough to feel like one evening/afternoon would be worth the risk. Maybe he's the super adventurous type... he is willing to face unknown bars and dates!!!