Uh, could you please move your kid? Update post 55

[rose red]

although I wouldn't add endearments like honey, sweetie, etc.

As I said, it's not unusual or demeaning in my experience - adult or child.  Heck, I was at a restaurant 2 nights ago where the waitress put my water down in front of me with a "Here you go, honey!"  Didn't bother me a bit.  In fact, it was kinda nice.

Which is why I said I wouldn't.  Anybody else can say whatever they want. 

[DottyG]

Oh, I know.  I was, basically, agreeing with you in a round-about way.  Just giving the other side of the viewpoint.

ETA:  I'm about to finally have my coffee for the day.  I may make more sense after the caffeine finally gets into the bloodstream!
 
 

[Ticia]

Can we please get back on topic and stay away from the whole "All parents are psychos!" debate?

[Talley]

I can somewhat understand the OP's reluctance to speak to the child... I have been in the same situation and been told off rather harshly by a mother once, when I asked her son (who looked to be a bout 5 or 6) to please let me pass. On the other hand, I have encountered plenty of parents who, in such a situation would just call the child or pull them out of the way. I tend to remember the bad experiences mor than the good ones though, and that makes me rather slow to speak up in such situations.

I'm also a parent, and I have been the parent whose child was in the way of other people and totally oblivious... As soon as I noticed I pulled DD out of the way if she did not move on her own. It happens, no matter how attentive a parent one is, and I do not mind someone telling DD to step aside as long as they do so politely. Unfortunately I have also seen her shoved aside when she did not move fast enough (she was walking at a perfectly acceptable pace; just someone wanted to go faster) and I was right beside her...

[Danika]

I'm also a parent, and I have been the parent whose child was in the way of other people and totally oblivious... As soon as I noticed I pulled DD out of the way if she did not move on her own. It happens, no matter how attentive a parent one is, and I do not mind someone telling DD to step aside as long as they do so politely.

POD

I think tone of voice is probably the most important element in talking to adults and especially to children. I generally have a smile on my face and when I talk to people, I have a sweet demeanor and friendly, gentle tone of voice. You catch more flies with honey.

The only problem with that is that I have yet to master the "mom is angry" facial expression and I'm not good at telling mean people off. My range is super sweet to firm. There's no angry, mean mode.

But it works well in these types of situations, at least.

[shadowfox79]

I'm also a parent, and I have been the parent whose child was in the way of other people and totally oblivious... As soon as I noticed I pulled DD out of the way if she did not move on her own. It happens, no matter how attentive a parent one is, and I do not mind someone telling DD to step aside as long as they do so politely. Unfortunately I have also seen her shoved aside when she did not move fast enough (she was walking at a perfectly acceptable pace; just someone wanted to go faster) and I was right beside her...

In my experience it's always been the parents who were oblivious. I can remember trying to get to a table in McDonalds with a tray of food and finding a small child standing squarely in the middle of the aisle, staring at me. I said "excuse me" three times, only to get a blank look from the little girl; it wasn't until she finally said back "Do you need to get past?" that her mother looked up from the next table, blushed and pulled her out of the way.

[jaxsue]

I've gotten pretty good about asking a child to move. There was a time I would've hesitated, but maybe in my middle age I'm becoming more assertive. 

I've only had a couple bad reactions from parents/grandparents. Most parents are okay with it, a bit embarrassed and they apologize. I do make sure that I don't touch the child in any way, just because nowadays you don't want any accusations.

I do wait a few seconds, to give parents time to parent their child, but if there is no one coming forward I have no trouble asking the child politely to move.

[kherbert05]

Let's not paint most parents as possible lunatics, please.

Most parents are perfectly rational people who are simply concerned with the safety of their children.  However, sometimes, things don't go quite the way they'd like and things can get odd. 

A few years ago, we were staying at a hotel that had a pool on the same floor as the lobby.  I got onto the elevator and rode down to meet MIL for breakfast.  A few floors below me a girl of about 8 got on.  She was holding a large piece of textile which I took as a towel.  I offered a cheerful 'Good morning.  Are you going for an early swim?'.

The kid acted as if she'd been assaulted by Godzilla and retreated into a corner of the elevator, sucking her thumb and quivering.  When the elevator reached the lobby floor, the girl ran out yelling, pointed at me, and sank into her mother's arms in tears.  As I walked out of the elevator, the Mom looked at me as if I was Jack the Ripper.  My son was that I had dared to talk to her child.

the Mom did thaw a bit when she saw me meet MIL but there was an odd moment when I thought the Mom might call 911 and report me as a child molestor.

Please, if your children are that afraid of 'stranger danger'  do not let them go down hotel elevators alone.   

Since the biggest threat to a child's safety is his/her family and friends - can we do away with stranger danger? Instead teach them their bodies are there own, to report anyone that hurts them, what to do if they are lost and to trust their gut feelings. It is sad how shocked zoo and museum employees are when Loren, Brett or their cousins ask questions. The docents always tell us that kids rarely ask them questions directly - usually they ask the parent who asks the docent.


 In the last couple of years I've encountered lost kids that refused to talk to anyone trying to help them. Refused to give their name - or their parent name.  Instead they screamed help stranger/I want mommy. 2 of the times I had my teacher id - and they responded to that and gave me their names. At least their lives weren't in danger like this boy. His parents had him so afraid of strangers - he hid from rescuers searching for him in the wilderness.

[Danika]

Since the biggest threat to a child's safety is his/her family and friends - can we do away with stranger danger? Instead teach them their bodies are there own, to report anyone that hurts them, what to do if they are lost and to trust their gut feelings. It is sad how shocked zoo and museum employees are when Loren, Brett or their cousins ask questions. The docents always tell us that kids rarely ask them questions directly - usually they ask the parent who asks the docent.


 In the last couple of years I've encountered lost kids that refused to talk to anyone trying to help them. Refused to give their name - or their parent name.  Instead they screamed help stranger/I want mommy. 2 of the times I had my teacher id - and they responded to that and gave me their names. At least their lives weren't in danger like this boy. His parents had him so afraid of strangers - he hid from rescuers searching for him in the wilderness.

Great idea. All things I try to do. I'm so glad that you included that link and story. That never occurred to me

I actually read a great idea here on EHell a few weeks ago and suggested it on my DD. If you're lost, look for a parent, like a mommy and ask for help. If they just ask an adult, it could be dangerous, but asking a parent for help, or statistically safer, a mother, might be safer.

[barefoot_girl]

Thats a great idea, Danika.I've always told my daughter that if she gets lost she should look for 1) someone in uniform like a policeman or security guard, 2) someone working in a shop or 3) a mum with chiildren.

[boxy]

OP here.  Yesterday something similar to the original post happened and I handled it perfectly (finally).  After a social get together ended I was helping the host clean up by carrying a chair back to its usual spot in a different room.  A six-year old stepped in front of me and stopped.  I gave a cheery, "excuse me!" and the child moved.  Yay!  No fear, no silence, no standing around waiting for the mother to move him, no drama at all. 

I'm still not sure why I was so scared to say the same thing to the child at the restaurant.

[Danika]

Great update, boxy!

Since this discussion, I've started paying attention to situations like this. My family (DH, I and our kids ages 4 and 2) was in a busy shopping area just a few hours ago. My DD (age 4) was about 3 feet in front of me, but a store employee needed to get by and pass us. She just said "excuse me" and my DD moved to the side before I could even process what was going on and say "DD, you need to move." So I guess it happens all the time.

[kherbert05]

Since the biggest threat to a child's safety is his/her family and friends - can we do away with stranger danger? Instead teach them their bodies are there own, to report anyone that hurts them, what to do if they are lost and to trust their gut feelings. It is sad how shocked zoo and museum employees are when Loren, Brett or their cousins ask questions. The docents always tell us that kids rarely ask them questions directly - usually they ask the parent who asks the docent.


 In the last couple of years I've encountered lost kids that refused to talk to anyone trying to help them. Refused to give their name - or their parent name.  Instead they screamed help stranger/I want mommy. 2 of the times I had my teacher id - and they responded to that and gave me their names. At least their lives weren't in danger like this boy. His parents had him so afraid of strangers - he hid from rescuers searching for him in the wilderness.

Great idea. All things I try to do. I'm so glad that you included that link and story. That never occurred to me

I actually read a great idea here on EHell a few weeks ago and suggested it on my DD. If you're lost, look for a parent, like a mommy and ask for help. If they just ask an adult, it could be dangerous, but asking a parent for help, or statistically safer, a mother, might be safer.

Loren, Brett, and their cousins know if lost
1. DO NOT LEAVE/DO NOT GO TO THE CAR No adults will leave until we have all kids accounted for and with us.
2. Find someone to help Give them the card with our phone number on it
    A. Docent/employee a manned counter is best (Merry-go-round at the zoo and ask Mr. Melvin for help.)
    B. If some that isn't easy look for a cop/fire fighter (really paramedics at street fairs and such)
   C. Look for people with kids that look happy and ask them to help you find a police officer or call your adult. (Not because people without kids can't be trusted - but people with kid either have a lost kid or will have a lost kid sometime in the future.)


Funny lost kid story. There was this kid, who was being a real brat - hitting birds at the zoo. I finally had enough and look at her "grandparents" and say something about she shouldn't be hitting the pigeons with the stick. They look at me and stammer "she isn't with you?". They had been walking basically the same path as us, with this little girl following. I thought she was with them, they thought she was with me and mine. She was completely fine being on her own. We flag down an employee tell them she isn't with either of our groups and is hitting the birds.


Turns out they were looking for her, but they expected her to upset or crying. We probably passed a dozen employees looking for her - but didn't see her because they were expecting a crying child. Her family arrives and smothers her with kisses.


One thing I've heard of for older kids with communication issues, who might not show a card with a number on it to a stranger - Write the parent's phone number on the arm with marker.

[Tierrainney]

Since the biggest threat to a child's safety is his/her family and friends - can we do away with stranger danger? Instead teach them their bodies are there own, to report anyone that hurts them, what to do if they are lost and to trust their gut feelings. It is sad how shocked zoo and museum employees are when Loren, Brett or their cousins ask questions. The docents always tell us that kids rarely ask them questions directly - usually they ask the parent who asks the docent.


 In the last couple of years I've encountered lost kids that refused to talk to anyone trying to help them. Refused to give their name - or their parent name.  Instead they screamed help stranger/I want mommy. 2 of the times I had my teacher id - and they responded to that and gave me their names. At least their lives weren't in danger like this boy. His parents had him so afraid of strangers - he hid from rescuers searching for him in the wilderness.

Great idea. All things I try to do. I'm so glad that you included that link and story. That never occurred to me

I actually read a great idea here on EHell a few weeks ago and suggested it on my DD. If you're lost, look for a parent, like a mommy and ask for help. If they just ask an adult, it could be dangerous, but asking a parent for help, or statistically safer, a mother, might be safer.

Loren, Brett, and their cousins know if lost
1. DO NOT LEAVE/DO NOT GO TO THE CAR No adults will leave until we have all kids accounted for and with us.
2. Find someone to help Give them the card with our phone number on it
    A. Docent/employee a manned counter is best (Merry-go-round at the zoo and ask Mr. Melvin for help.)
    B. If some that isn't easy look for a cop/fire fighter (really paramedics at street fairs and such)
   C. Look for people with kids that look happy and ask them to help you find a police officer or call your adult. (Not because people without kids can't be trusted - but people with kid either have a lost kid or will have a lost kid sometime in the future.)


Funny lost kid story. There was this kid, who was being a real brat - hitting birds at the zoo. I finally had enough and look at her "grandparents" and say something about she shouldn't be hitting the pigeons with the stick. They look at me and stammer "she isn't with you?". They had been walking basically the same path as us, with this little girl following. I thought she was with them, they thought she was with me and mine. She was completely fine being on her own. We flag down an employee tell them she isn't with either of our groups and is hitting the birds.


Turns out they were looking for her, but they expected her to upset or crying. We probably passed a dozen employees looking for her - but didn't see her because they were expecting a crying child. Her family arrives and smothers her with kisses.


One thing I've heard of for older kids with communication issues, who might not show a card with a number on it to a stranger - Write the parent's phone number on the arm with marker.

When we went to Disney World last year, I laminated our cell phone numbers and pinned them into the girl's pockets every day. I also took their picture daily with my cell phone camera so I could see/show exactly what they were wearing if they got lost.

I read about doing both these things on a Website.

Neither girl ever got lost, so it was never needed.

[Danika]

Great ideas for helping out your lost kid.

If we're going to a place with a lot of people where it'll be harder to keep track of my kids (like a playplace or playground), I dress them both in the same very bright color. Like all red, both shirt and pants. Then, I can keep scanning all the kids to keep an eye on mine and know to just look for that color, and ignore the children I see in other colors.