You might want to check those privacy settings!

[siamesecat2965]

BG: I reconnected with some HS friends about a year and a half ago, at my reunion.  I've gotten together with them a couple times, but a small, core group lives in the same town, and they get together more often than me, who lives about 45 mins away. So they are closer to each other than I am, and I sometimes struggle with this as I'd like to hang out more as well, but between my schedule and distance, its tough.  And then I wonder whether or not they really WANT to hang out with me or not - but that could be my insecurity coming out.  end BG

Today I noticed one posted on FB something about having people over this friday night.  So I clicked on the link, and it took me to the event, and listed invitees.  Which I was not one of. I'm fine with that, as she can invite whoever she wants, and also have my own plans.  But...a tiny part of me is hurt that she posted this publically, but only invited a select few.  And now I'm seeing my other friends reply yes, i will be coming etc.  So I'm feeling a teeny bit hurt I wasn't included. 

[Surianne]

Sounds like it was a pretty informal get-together for those friends in town, so I don't see it as rude.  I find it's pretty normal in my experience on Facebook to see events you aren't invited to, and I wouldn't take it as some sort of personal slight. 

[O'Dell]

It's not normal in my experience. And to me it's like talking about the party in front of other people. It's so easy to keep it private so why not do it? Plus, the organizers leave themselves open to party crashers.

[Surianne]

Yes, I supposed it varies depending on your social circle.  Perfectly normal in mine.

[siamesecat2965]

It's not normal in my experience. And to me it's like talking about the party in front of other people. It's so easy to keep it private so why not do it? Plus, the organizers leave themselves open to party crashers.

I agree; if you only wanted to invite a certain group, for whatever reason, then make it private except to those who are invited.  It also creates confusion as when I first saw it I wondered why, if I was seeing it, hadn't I gotten an "invite"

And when I clicked on the event, it will allow me to "join" and says "friends of friends invited can join it and see it" Which might give some people the wrong idea that they can join and also come, when they weren't actualy invited.  OH well, I'm not going to dwell on it, as I do have plans already.

[NotTheNarcissist]

I find this rude. It's the equivalent to me of inviting the person standing next to me, but not me, to a party. I'm sorry this happened to you. I know it stings!

[WillyNilly]

It's not normal in my experience. And to me it's like talking about the party in front of other people. It's so easy to keep it private so why not do it? Plus, the organizers leave themselves open to party crashers.

I agree; if you only wanted to invite a certain group, for whatever reason, then make it private except to those who are invited.  It also creates confusion as when I first saw it I wondered why, if I was seeing it, hadn't I gotten an "invite"

And when I clicked on the event, it will allow me to "join" and says "friends of friends invited can join it and see it" Which might give some people the wrong idea that they can join and also come, when they weren't actualy invited. OH well, I'm not going to dwell on it, as I do have plans already.

The bolded doesn't make any sense to me.  If friends of friends can join, to me that means its an open invitation and even if you weren't sent an invite, you are in fact welcome.  Gosh half the amateur bands in America would never have an audience if they couldn't attend shows they didn't personally get and invite for - that why there are public events on Facebook!  Is this event at a home or somewhere public like a bar?  If its somewhere public I think you can assume you are welcome.

[siamesecat2965]

It's not normal in my experience. And to me it's like talking about the party in front of other people. It's so easy to keep it private so why not do it? Plus, the organizers leave themselves open to party crashers.

I agree; if you only wanted to invite a certain group, for whatever reason, then make it private except to those who are invited.  It also creates confusion as when I first saw it I wondered why, if I was seeing it, hadn't I gotten an "invite"

And when I clicked on the event, it will allow me to "join" and says "friends of friends invited can join it and see it" Which might give some people the wrong idea that they can join and also come, when they weren't actualy invited. OH well, I'm not going to dwell on it, as I do have plans already.

The bolded doesn't make any sense to me.  If friends of friends can join, to me that means its an open invitation and even if you weren't sent an invite, you are in fact welcome.  Gosh half the amateur bands in America would never have an audience if they couldn't attend shows they didn't personally get and invite for - that why there are public events on Facebook!  Is this event at a home or somewhere public like a bar?  If its somewhere public I think you can assume you are welcome.

I agree; if its in a  public place, yes, I'd have no problem joining or responding, but this is in her home.  She having a casual gathering, but to me since it is in her house, it's still private and I wouldn't assume I'm invited or can join in.  I think she's just not aware of what happens when you set up an event, and send out invites.  And that if you send out something and it can be seen by all, FB settings are such that you can see and also join, even if you're not necessarily invited.

[thedudeabides]

I think your friend does need to check out the privacy settings.  Takes like five seconds.

I have the opposite problem.  I have a friend who uses his personal Facebook profile to spam everyone on his friends list every time his business has a public thing.  I guess at least it only happens every month or two.

[siamesecat2965]

I think your friend does need to check out the privacy settings.  Takes like five seconds.

I have the opposite problem.  I have a friend who uses his personal Facebook profile to spam everyone on his friends list every time his business has a public thing.  I guess at least it only happens every month or two.

OH that would make me nuts too! and in my case, now I'm seeing my other friends responding and chatting about it, since i can see pretty much anything posted re: the event.  But whatever.  not the end of the world, but still makes me feel a teensy bit left out.

[thedudeabides]

I think if you decline the event you stop getting notifications.

[siamesecat2965]

Decline isn't an option for me; since I wasn't specifically invited, but its public and I can see it all, i can either "join" or  respond as "maybe" but I don't want to do either of those things since I wasn't initially invited.  I don't want her to see that I've invited myself, if that makes any sense.

[thedudeabides]

Oh, I see.  The next one that comes up, click on the drop-down arrow at the upper right.  That'll give you a list of options, including to hide all posts from that event.

[siamesecat2965]

Oh, I see.  The next one that comes up, click on the drop-down arrow at the upper right.  That'll give you a list of options, including to hide all posts from that event.

Aha - I knew that too.  But thanks for the reminder!

[Lynn2000]

Yes, I'm also confused about whether it's a "the more, the merrier" event or a closed event that the hostess mistakenly let everyone see. If it's "the more, the merrier," you would be fine to go. Could you ask someone else in the circle about it--maybe there's someone on the guest list you feel closer to? Just something like, "Hey, is Betty's party open to everyone? Because it looks like she's set it up so 'everyone' can see all the details. It would stink if a lot of people showed up that she didn't intend to."