General Etiquette > Family and Children
SO of stretching the truth/are you trying to humiliate me?
Syfygeek:
--- Quote from: NyaChan on April 19, 2012, 07:00:24 PM ---
--- Quote from: Optimoose Prime on April 19, 2012, 06:48:34 PM ---In my case, it wasn't just seeing things in a different light, she would out and out lie to make her be the victim or to look better for her actions.
Usually, I don't like talking about my not-so-great childhood but here is one story:
I was about 9 or 10 and it was my job to put away dishes. For some reason, I was putting some stuff away before school and my elbow hit a cup with sugar in it that was in the cabinet. Of course, it went flying everywhere. My mother completely lost it and started screaming at me. I told her it was an accident and my elbow hit it. She then grabbed a knife, held it to my arm and said, "Well, we can just take care of that, can't we!" So there I am crying at her not to cut my arm off. I think she then realized what she was doing and shoved me away and told me just to go to school.
Of course, it didn't happen that way to her. She just yelled at me for being careless. But believe me, you don't forget a thing like that.
--- End quote ---
That is a really scary story, I am so sorry you not only had to live through that, but have never received acknowledgment of what you went through. I always find it frustrating that my parents pretend that the worst moments in my life didn't ever happened and when pressed on the issue try to end the conversation with "You are always so negative! Why can't you ever remember anything good?" :-\
--- End quote ---
My mom used to talk about the time silly teen age me ran away from home because she grounded me. No, I ran away from home because she slapped me (so hard I had a hand print for 3 days) and pointed a pistol at me and told me if I didn't sit down she'd shoot me. She turned her back and I sailed out the door and into my car and didn't come back for 2 months.
I think a good parent may embellish the good memories, but a bad parent has to change to bad memories to make themselves feel better. In our house, the motto was always "What will the neighbors think?"
OP, after a while, I just started answering with the truth- when people asked me about one of mom's stories -"your mom says you moved away and broke her heart when you were so young"- I answer "I moved because she told me to get out of the house when I was 17".
Good luck!
weeblewobble:
--- Quote from: Syfygeek on April 25, 2012, 10:27:15 AM ---
--- Quote from: NyaChan on April 19, 2012, 07:00:24 PM ---
--- Quote from: Optimoose Prime on April 19, 2012, 06:48:34 PM ---In my case, it wasn't just seeing things in a different light, she would out and out lie to make her be the victim or to look better for her actions.
Usually, I don't like talking about my not-so-great childhood but here is one story:
I was about 9 or 10 and it was my job to put away dishes. For some reason, I was putting some stuff away before school and my elbow hit a cup with sugar in it that was in the cabinet. Of course, it went flying everywhere. My mother completely lost it and started screaming at me. I told her it was an accident and my elbow hit it. She then grabbed a knife, held it to my arm and said, "Well, we can just take care of that, can't we!" So there I am crying at her not to cut my arm off. I think she then realized what she was doing and shoved me away and told me just to go to school.
Of course, it didn't happen that way to her. She just yelled at me for being careless. But believe me, you don't forget a thing like that.
--- End quote ---
That is a really scary story, I am so sorry you not only had to live through that, but have never received acknowledgment of what you went through. I always find it frustrating that my parents pretend that the worst moments in my life didn't ever happened and when pressed on the issue try to end the conversation with "You are always so negative! Why can't you ever remember anything good?" :-\
--- End quote ---
My mom used to talk about the time silly teen age me ran away from home because she grounded me. No, I ran away from home because she slapped me (so hard I had a hand print for 3 days) and pointed a pistol at me and told me if I didn't sit down she'd shoot me. She turned her back and I sailed out the door and into my car and didn't come back for 2 months.
I think a good parent may embellish the good memories, but a bad parent has to change to bad memories to make themselves feel better. In our house, the motto was always "What will the neighbors think?"
OP, after a while, I just started answering with the truth- when people asked me about one of mom's stories -"your mom says you moved away and broke her heart when you were so young"- I answer "I moved because she told me to get out of the house when I was 17".
Good luck!
--- End quote ---
I totally see your point. When we cut off a problem sibling and refused to see her anymore, suddenly, our decision not to see someone we considered dangerous was SO much worse than her foolish, illegal activities that made us reach that decision. The drug use and thefts were instantly forgiven and swept under the rug. But when we tried to explain our reasons other family members, suddenly, we were remembering things wrong. "It don't remember it that way." "You're exaggerating!" "That couldn't really be a felony!"
(Also, I love your signature quote. I can hear Hank shuddering as he says, "Women's self-defense.")
scansons:
--- Quote from: weeblewobble on April 25, 2012, 01:16:31 PM ---
--- Quote from: Syfygeek on April 25, 2012, 10:27:15 AM ---
--- Quote from: NyaChan on April 19, 2012, 07:00:24 PM ---
--- Quote from: Optimoose Prime on April 19, 2012, 06:48:34 PM ---In my case, it wasn't just seeing things in a different light, she would out and out lie to make her be the victim or to look better for her actions.
Usually, I don't like talking about my not-so-great childhood but here is one story:
I was about 9 or 10 and it was my job to put away dishes. For some reason, I was putting some stuff away before school and my elbow hit a cup with sugar in it that was in the cabinet. Of course, it went flying everywhere. My mother completely lost it and started screaming at me. I told her it was an accident and my elbow hit it. She then grabbed a knife, held it to my arm and said, "Well, we can just take care of that, can't we!" So there I am crying at her not to cut my arm off. I think she then realized what she was doing and shoved me away and told me just to go to school.
Of course, it didn't happen that way to her. She just yelled at me for being careless. But believe me, you don't forget a thing like that.
--- End quote ---
That is a really scary story, I am so sorry you not only had to live through that, but have never received acknowledgment of what you went through. I always find it frustrating that my parents pretend that the worst moments in my life didn't ever happened and when pressed on the issue try to end the conversation with "You are always so negative! Why can't you ever remember anything good?" :-\
--- End quote ---
My mom used to talk about the time silly teen age me ran away from home because she grounded me. No, I ran away from home because she slapped me (so hard I had a hand print for 3 days) and pointed a pistol at me and told me if I didn't sit down she'd shoot me. She turned her back and I sailed out the door and into my car and didn't come back for 2 months.
I think a good parent may embellish the good memories, but a bad parent has to change to bad memories to make themselves feel better. In our house, the motto was always "What will the neighbors think?"
OP, after a while, I just started answering with the truth- when people asked me about one of mom's stories -"your mom says you moved away and broke her heart when you were so young"- I answer "I moved because she told me to get out of the house when I was 17".
Good luck!
--- End quote ---
I totally see your point. When we cut off a problem sibling and refused to see her anymore, suddenly, our decision not to see someone we considered dangerous was SO much worse than her foolish, illegal activities that made us reach that decision. The drug use and thefts were instantly forgiven and swept under the rug. But when we tried to explain our reasons other family members, suddenly, we were remembering things wrong. "It don't remember it that way." "You're exaggerating!" "That couldn't really be a felony!"
(Also, I love your signature quote. I can hear Hank shuddering as he says, "Women's self-defense.")
--- End quote ---
OP here. I'll be honest, I've thought about cutting them off over and over again. Now we're just at mostly don't see them, and don't let them around the children. (My parents that is). But there always seems to be an issue with cutting them off entirely that I just can't overcome. Sisters living with them that I would end up cutting off too. Major health problems. And a middle sister who is not equipped to deal with the Parents all by herself even though she would feel obligated too. I can't just never speak to them again. Not for my parents sake, but for my sister. Plus Middle Sister would probably never forgive me for just cutting them off.
So, my goal has been polite. All they have to be is polite. I don't expect loving. I don't expect maturity. I don't expect respect. I don't even expect the truth. Just polite. And even that battle seems to be a losing one. Which is why it is so important to me to deal with politely. Sometimes leading by example is all you've got.
weeblewobble:
Oh, I wasn't advising to cut them off, though I see why you would have ample reason. I was just pointing out the frustration of having your memories and perceptions corrected.
CrazyDaffodilLady:
My dad was basically an absentee parent, so I had a real “what the . . .” moment the first time I overheard him tell someone about how he loved his children so much that he got us a pony. It was such a bizarre claim that I checked with my siblings to make sure I wasn’t the crazy one. He’s repeated the pony story so many times that I think he believes it. Maybe it was one of those special invisible ponies.
Next time he tells the story, I may interrupt with “Oh no Dad, it wasn’t a pony, it was a unicorn”.
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