General Etiquette > Family and Children
SO of stretching the truth/are you trying to humiliate me?
peach2play:
There have been lots of studies that prove that memories can be written. Your mother doesn't remember the pain, she remembers the happy golden age where she was an amazing mom with great kids. My mom does the same thing. She doesn't remember the rage and the screaming and the terror. When people ask me about certain things, I tell them the truth. If she starts on a story that is embellished, I walk away with no expression on my face. The person she is talking to may wonder why I walked away, but I don't have to put on a brave face and go along with it, but I also don't need to be rude and get into an argument with her in public. Walking away is my safest choice.
RebeccainGA:
--- Quote from: Cami on April 19, 2012, 10:07:03 AM ---
--- Quote from: snowflake on April 16, 2012, 06:19:47 PM ---I read this hoping someone would have a good method of fixing it. Confronting with the truth doesn't help. Correcting doesn't help. Bean dipping causes verbal blow-ups. And refusing to agree with their delusions only results in vats of tears and "I just need my own family to be supportive."
--- End quote ---
I am always perplexed by how many people that believe bean dip is some universal solvent that cleans up any messy situation. It most certainly does not. So thank you for pointing out that all the bean dip in the world will NOT WORK with some people like this and in fact can actually escalate the situation. With people like this, bean dip is like throwing gasoline on a fire. Nor will leaving the room work -- they follow you, getting louder and louder.
I'd agree that:
--- Quote ---My solution is to cut back on my interactions with the guilty parties. Of course this is tricky if they are relatives and you want to spend time with OTHERS.
--- End quote ---
With people who might come in contact with the Rewriter, I made it a practice to warn them ahead of time to take everything the Rewriter said with a grain of salt. Forewarning is a powerful tool. Also, if I cannot avoid having the Rewriters tell the stories, I correct the version they told later, sometimes with the real story and sometimes with a, "I hope my Rewriter didn't give you the wrong impression. Unfortunately, s/he has a tendency to, shall we say, embroider the truth?" Then sigh, smile and leave it at that.
--- End quote ---
THIS. A thousand times this. I have had to stop letting my family rewrite my history - they still insist that my ex (abusive, left bruises, financially and emotionally wrecked me for a long time) was in fact a DELIGHTFUL person, just because they never were hurt, that I never in fact broke my arm as a child (um, your own MOTHER showed you the hospital records, remember?), that I was supported and not ignored, that they were teaching me something when they put me through hell....
Thank heavens my DP understands - she's got a mother like that, too. We tell each other the real versions of things at home later, and just give each other the 'here they go again' look when one of them starts in with rose-coloured history.
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