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edgypeanuts

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Re: Wow, I think I've been reading Ehell for a very long time
« Reply #30 on: May 01, 2012, 12:06:53 PM »
It's that the phrase was not necessary in this context.

 question was neither rude nor inappropriate.  In this situation 'the phrase' should not be used; a polite 'no thank you' would be appropriate.


The phrase is not rude (isn't that the point?) so why is it inappropriate?  She was not trying to say that the question was rude or inappropriate either, she was just answering it!

I find it a bit amusing that a suggested phrase, said in a polite way is (according to some here) only appropriate if in response to a rude question.  It works for a rude question because it IS appropriate.  If it is only to be used in response to a rude question to put the asker in his/her place then it is really not a polite answer at all.

Mental Magpie

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Re: Wow, I think I've been reading Ehell for a very long time
« Reply #31 on: May 01, 2012, 01:38:37 PM »
It's that the phrase was not necessary in this context.

 question was neither rude nor inappropriate.  In this situation 'the phrase' should not be used; a polite 'no thank you' would be appropriate.


The phrase is not rude (isn't that the point?) so why is it inappropriate?  She was not trying to say that the question was rude or inappropriate either, she was just answering it!

I find it a bit amusing that a suggested phrase, said in a polite way is (according to some here) only appropriate if in response to a rude question.  It works for a rude question because it IS appropriate.  If it is only to be used in response to a rude question to put the asker in his/her place then it is really not a polite answer at all.

I'm with edgypeanuts.  You make complete and utter sense.
The problem with choosing the lesser of two evils is that you're still choosing evil.

blueberry.muffin

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Re: Wow, I think I've been reading Ehell for a very long time
« Reply #32 on: May 01, 2012, 09:21:51 PM »
It's that the phrase was not necessary in this context.

 question was neither rude nor inappropriate.  In this situation 'the phrase' should not be used; a polite 'no thank you' would be appropriate.


The phrase is not rude (isn't that the point?) so why is it inappropriate?  She was not trying to say that the question was rude or inappropriate either, she was just answering it!

I find it a bit amusing that a suggested phrase, said in a polite way is (according to some here) only appropriate if in response to a rude question.  It works for a rude question because it IS appropriate.  If it is only to be used in response to a rude question to put the asker in his/her place then it is really not a polite answer at all.

I'm with edgypeanuts.  You make complete and utter sense.

Oh. I actually agree 100% with MellowedOne.

I work in the health field so I'm biased. Hypothetically, let's say I asked an overweight/underweight patient about their weight and if they were interested in setting a goal towards making themselves healthier, and their response was, "Why would I want to do that?" In all honesty, my internal reaction would be, "Wow, they don't seem to care at all about their weight. I wonder how much they care about their health overall."

THIS is why context matters. I don't think the nurse was rude, I don't think the OP was rude, but I do think this particular phrase was used out of context. I myself would have far preferred, "No, thank you" or "not at this present moment." The phrase used by the OP gives a different meaning altogether, suggesting that the asker of the question was asking something that isn't even to be considered, when the unfortunate reality is that weight can and does have many effects on the body.

*edited to correct my own grammar. i blame it on lack of coffee today.
« Last Edit: May 01, 2012, 10:46:47 PM by blueberry.muffin »

Onyx_TKD

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Re: Wow, I think I've been reading Ehell for a very long time
« Reply #33 on: May 01, 2012, 11:24:56 PM »
It's that the phrase was not necessary in this context.

 question was neither rude nor inappropriate.  In this situation 'the phrase' should not be used; a polite 'no thank you' would be appropriate.


The phrase is not rude (isn't that the point?) so why is it inappropriate?  She was not trying to say that the question was rude or inappropriate either, she was just answering it!

I find it a bit amusing that a suggested phrase, said in a polite way is (according to some here) only appropriate if in response to a rude question.  It works for a rude question because it IS appropriate.  If it is only to be used in response to a rude question to put the asker in his/her place then it is really not a polite answer at all.

I'm with edgypeanuts.  You make complete and utter sense.

Oh. I actually agree 100% with MellowedOne.

I work in the health field so I'm biased. Hypothetically, let's say I asked an overweight/underweight patient about their weight and if they were interested in setting a goal towards making themselves healthier, and their response was, "Why would I want to do that?" In all honesty, my internal reaction would be, "Wow, they don't seem to care at all about their weight. I wonder how much they care about their health overall."

THIS is why context matters. I don't think the nurse was rude, I don't think the OP was rude, but I do think this particular phrase was used out of context. I myself would have far preferred, "No, thank you" or "not at this present moment." The phrase used by the OP gives a different meaning altogether, suggesting that the asker of the question was asking something that isn't even to be considered, when the unfortunate reality is that weight can and does have many effects on the body.

Note: I suspect we may be picturing different scenarios here. You may be picturing a patient who is so over- or underweight so that you assume they can't possibly be unaware of the benefits of losing/gaining weight. However, I am addressing the more general case of whether the response is inherently inappropriate to this question in a healthcare setting.

If you (or the nurse in the OP) said something like "Based on XYZ, your healthiest weight is probably within the range ____. Would you like to set a goal of losing [or gaining] weight to get closer to this range?" then I would agree that responding "Why would I want to do that?" would be inappropriate. However, I would consider it inappropriate only because they have already been given a clear reason why losing (or gaining) weight would benefit them, i.e., they are outside of the weight range that is healthy for them.

OTOH, if you had not already discussed what weight would be healthy for them and simply said "Would you like to set weight loss as a goal?" then I don't think it's unreasonable for a patient to ask "Why would I want to do that?" For instance, if a nurse asked me if I wanted to set weight loss as a goal, my first question would probably be "Why? What weight should I be?" And that would be an honest question, not an indication that I don't care about my health. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I'm in the "overweight" range on the BMI chart right now, but I also don't pay much attention to the BMI chart, since it also said I was "overweight" or very close to it when I was toned and quite active (i.e., Tae Kwon Do four nights a week, lots of walking, etc.). It's possible that losing a few pounds would be a good health goal for me, but I would expect any doctor or nurse to suggest a target weight based on my specific body type and be prepared to talk about the health benefits of going from my current weight to this target weight before I made it a serious health goal.

auntmeegs

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Re: Wow, I think I've been reading Ehell for a very long time
« Reply #34 on: May 02, 2012, 05:31:06 PM »
Take the context out of it - someone brought up a topic which the OP did not want to discuss, OP used a phrase to end the inquiry in a polite and concise way. Good for her!  I don't think the nurse was rude for asking, but neither was the OP for not wanting to discuss it.

You can't - the context is everything in this case. 

whatsanenigma

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Re: Wow, I think I've been reading Ehell for a very long time
« Reply #35 on: May 02, 2012, 06:03:14 PM »
Well, if that wasn't the right phrase to use, what should she have said instead?  It was a topic that, appropriate for a health care person to bring up or not, the OP did not want to further discuss and this was non-negotiable.

I think that the OP handled this very well.  She just casually said something and it worked, without her being rude or snippy or anything like that.  She made her point in a clear, concise way that was not rude.

And I thought that was the point of these little sayings.  A way to handle the situation quickly without being rude.

There are other ways that this particular phrase can be used, and other phrases the OP could have used instead, of course.  But the point for me is that the OP used the phrase in a way that worked really well for the situation.  Accomplished the goal with a minimum of fuss.

DavidH

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Re: Wow, I think I've been reading Ehell for a very long time
« Reply #36 on: May 02, 2012, 08:12:46 PM »
The phrase worked, but I strongly suspect for the wrong reason.

It sounds from the description of the nurse's reaction that either she did not take it as a genuine question or she remarkably ignorant.  A nurse calling to counsel someone about diabetes would be remiss if the subject of weight did not come up, particularly if the person is overweight and should be able to list a number of reasons why having a goal of weight loss is a good idea.

If you ask the question you should be prepared for an answer and in the interest of being polite, should listen with interest to that answer since you did, after all ask the question.

A far better response here would have been "No" since that does not invite an unwanted conversation. 

Reason

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Re: Wow, I think I've been reading Ehell for a very long time
« Reply #37 on: May 03, 2012, 10:26:03 AM »
The phrase worked, but I strongly suspect for the wrong reason.

It sounds from the description of the nurse's reaction that either she did not take it as a genuine question or she remarkably ignorant.  A nurse calling to counsel someone about diabetes would be remiss if the subject of weight did not come up, particularly if the person is overweight and should be able to list a number of reasons why having a goal of weight loss is a good idea.

If you ask the question you should be prepared for an answer and in the interest of being polite, should listen with interest to that answer since you did, after all ask the question.

A far better response here would have been "No" since that does not invite an unwanted conversation.

That's exactly what I was trying to say, only with better framing.