General Etiquette > Family and Children

leaving early and demanding change-UPDATE

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housewife2k:
I just got off of the phone with Middlesons new team of therapists. They want to set up an appointment time with the family members that he will have the most contact with on a regular basis to discuss "Educational Stratagies". This will be going things I have already asked the fam. to do, like putting him in simple situations where he has to use words he already knows, songs and games to play with him that help with his vocabulary, and help with playing 'with' someone, not alongside them, and AVOIDING SITUATIONS THAT CAUSE MELTDOWNS!! Both my mom and my MIL will be there, step-dad and FIL cannot get the time off of work, but both are already much more accepting and helpful than Mom and MIL.

I am very excited about this, as maybe hearing from a team (4) of professionals what I have been saying for the last few months will get them to understand, or at least be more acomadating to his needs.

If after the meeting, they still are not compliant(in general, not just the holidays) would I be out of line in only allowing them time with him when I am around? He needs certain routines wherever he is, whether I am there or not.

sweedetobee:
They already heard the mother's (your) preferences for dealing with your son.

They will now hear it from professionals.

So yes! If they continue to treat him in a manner that exacerbates his issues then by all means limit his time with them to when you (or your DH?) can be around.

And I think it is great that you are doing this. Hopefully it will help Middleson and his grandmothes develop a special relationship.

(And you already know what not to do to when you have grandkids. haha)

itiswhatitisn't:
You would not be out of line.  He needs routine and if he doesn't get it he suffers.  And you have to pick up the pieces of the meltdown and have to watch your son go through this so you suffer.  They have a choice.  Listen to the professionals or only get supervised grandma time.  Even if they offer to stick to the routine I'd stay the first few times.  And in the end they'll either get it or they won't get to see him. 

Lisbeth:
I'm glad that your mother and MIL at least are going with you to meet the therapists.

I think that if your parents and ILs continue to give you a hard time about leaving early on holidays even after a professional autism expert explains to them your son's need for routine, you would be totally justified in limiting their time with your son to times when you can supervise and make sure that his routine is not interrupted.

Slartibartfast:
If they intentionally refuse to learn how to "parent" around your son (or refuse to accept he may need skills that they don't already know), they shouldn't be treated as a responsible adult around him.  Which means yes, by all means, only allow them to spend supervised time with him the way you'd let a teenage cousin or a stranger be around him - someone who ought to be mature, but who isn't trustworthy enough to have your DS actually in their care. 

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