Guest complaining about menu - ironic update #44

[barefoot_girl]

I vote for picky *and* rude.

I second this. The menu was fine (more than fine, actually -it sounds delicious!). The 'friend' was rude. I wouldn't bother inviting her again.

[Teenyweeny]

I don't get people who can't just pick around the bits they don't like. Sure, if you are allergic, or if it contains a product that you are morally opposed to eating, I can see why you wouldn't.

But if it's just a part you don't like? Grow up! Honestly, most of us have grown out of the 'ewww, but it TOUCHED my other food' phase by the time we were 6 years old. If you haven't, you should accept that you have food aversion issues, and seek help with that. Don't make it somebody else's problem.

[FoxPaws]

^I always thought that was where we picky eaters got our name - our ability to pick through food like we were prospecting for gold.   

[Winterlight]

I don't get people who can't just pick around the bits they don't like. Sure, if you are allergic, or if it contains a product that you are morally opposed to eating, I can see why you wouldn't.

But if it's just a part you don't like? Grow up! Honestly, most of us have grown out of the 'ewww, but it TOUCHED my other food' phase by the time we were 6 years old. If you haven't, you should accept that you have food aversion issues, and seek help with that. Don't make it somebody else's problem.

Well, for some dishes you can do that and in others the offending food has flavored the dish, making it unpalatable. My response in that case is to simply quietly avoid the dish.

However, I agree that this picky eater was rude. There's no need to make a production out of it.

[rose red]

^I always thought that was where we picky eaters got our name - our ability to pick through food like we were prospecting for gold.   

Hee.  So true.  Everyone is always amazed by my "talent" of picking out itty bitty minuscule bits of onions, tomatoes, and peppers out of food.

[Ms_Cellany]

The Sweetie is to me an exemplar of polite picky eater. She has a wide range of dislikes, some related to mild allergies (melons), and others are just dislikes (mushrooms, hot peppers), while others are conditional (smooth cooked tomato stuff OK, raw and/or chunky tomato bad, onion flavor OK, biting into chunks of onion bad).

Unless the only thing offered was cantaloupe with tabasco, she could eat anywhere and you'd never know she had a limited palate.

It's possible to be picky without being fussy. If it's something that affects the whole dish for her, she won't take it. If she can eat around it, she will. If she can inconspicuously give the mushrooms/tomato chunks/onions to me, yay!

[Sophia]

The Sweetie is to me an exemplar of polite picky eater. She has a wide range of dislikes, some related to mild allergies (melons), and others are just dislikes (mushrooms, hot peppers), while others are conditional (smooth cooked tomato stuff OK, raw and/or chunky tomato bad, onion flavor OK, biting into chunks of onion bad). ...

To me that doesn't sound picky, just logical.  Except you didn't mention that cucumbers, coconut and scallops are not really food. 

I was never really allowed to pick as a kid (so I swore off the entire food instead).  But, Dad insisted on pizza with mushrooms.  So, instead of picking, I became an expert flicker.  I'd pick up the serving utensil and find a piece with less mushrooms, then really quickly flick flick as many of the remaining mushrooms as I could.  They would land on the neighboring pizza.  I think Dad turned a blind-eye to my flicking because he got more mushrooms.  What I flick away is what most people love, so it seems to work. 

[PeterM]

POD.  If I knew that steak was the only thing I could eat on the table I would be first in line.  It's my responsibility to make sure I get fed.  My host fulfilled their responsibility by making sure they provided items I could eat.  They're not going to police the steaks to make sure I get what I want.

It's not even like there was no steak. There was simply no medium rare steak. So the picky eater was basically complaining that things weren't absolutely, perfectly to her taste. I don't see any way that's not rude. If you want steak that's guaranteed to be exactly the way you want it, you can buy it and cook it yourself or pay someone else to cook it for you. Otherwise, you can eat the steak that's done slightly more than you prefer, or you can shut up about it.

[Miss Understood]

POD.  If I knew that steak was the only thing I could eat on the table I would be first in line.  It's my responsibility to make sure I get fed.  My host fulfilled their responsibility by making sure they provided items I could eat.  They're not going to police the steaks to make sure I get what I want.

It's not even like there was no steak. There was simply no medium rare steak. So the picky eater was basically complaining that things weren't absolutely, perfectly to her taste. I don't see any way that's not rude. If you want steak that's guaranteed to be exactly the way you want it, you can buy it and cook it yourself or pay someone else to cook it for you. Otherwise, you can eat the steak that's done slightly more than you prefer, or you can shut up about it.

Tell us the way you really feel.  J/K and I agree.   

[julianna]

What's especially funny is that not everyone cooks steak exactly the same way.  So even if she had received a "medium rare," it still might not have been exactly what she wanted (either a little too overcooked or a little too undercooked).

Frankly, I would avoid ever having her over for anything involving food in the future.

[magician5]

Why are you wasting time arguing with an idiot?

As for your menu - I'll have some of everything, please! Yum!

[Flora Louise]

Why are you wasting time arguing with an idiot?

As for your menu - I'll have some of everything, please! Yum!

Seconded, Madam Chairperson. Everything sounds heavenly.

[Mikayla]

Your menu was fine. 

I am a picky eater. I know this about myself. When invited someplace where I know my options might be limited - like a private party or specialty restaurant - I have a bit to eat beforehand and make do once I get there. I haven't starved yet.

While it is kind and generous to consider specific guests' dietary needs, the idea that a "good" host provides for every allergy, sensitivity, aversion, diet, quirk, whim, and eating eventuality that might come along is a trend that needs to die.

A good guest doesn't complain about the hospitality. Your friend was a very special snowflake and rude to boot.

I love the bolded!  I haven't entertained much in the last year, and obviously with a more intimate group, I'd ask about general preferences.  But cooking for 4 you do want to make sure people will enjoy it/can eat it.

For a larger group and a varied menu, I cook what I cook. 

[baglady]

This was a party for dozens of people. Unless there is someone on the guest list with a deathly allergy of the "can't share a ZIP code with the allergen" variety, you aren't obligated to cater to everyone's dietary issues. You provided an amazing variety, and it sounds as if even those with issues could find something -- maybe even multiple somethings -- to enjoy.

There's nothing wrong with Picky Friend only wanting the steak. Where she went wrong was complaining that there was nothing else she could eat.

I'm on Atkins, and parties, especially potlucks, tend to be a crapshoot. Maybe there'll be unbreaded wings, green salad, and crudites instead of chips for the dip. Maybe not. But it would never occur to me to complain about the limited choices. (BTW, OP, I see several things on your menu that I would gladly eat! Bacon cheese balls? ::Drools:

[NutellaNut]

OP here with an ironic update!

First, to those who say we shouldn't invite picky friend any more, I do hear what you're saying.  But she's a part of a close-knit group of friends, it would be very obvious and hurtful if she was no longer invited, and, except for this one thing, she's really a good person and I don't want to hurt her or her husband that way.  So we'll keep inviting them, and hopefully I'll be able to handle food issues well in the future.

The update: we just had our Memorial Day party last weekend.  Like most of the gatherings at our house, with this crowd, it was pot luck.  We personally provided hamburgers, hotdogs, buns, condiments, and fixins like lettuce, tomato, onion, and I also made a tortellini pesto salad as something my own stomach can handle.  Our various friends (more than 30 people showed up) brought an enormous amount of food:  ribs, potato salad, red coleslaw, meatballs with various sauces, baked beans, pasta salad, chips and dips, broccoli/cauliflower salad, fruit salad, grilled veggies and hummus dip, deviled eggs, to name some of the dishes, and about 10 desserts!  It really was a groaning board.

Even though it was potluck, I still was running around a lot arranging the food on the table, etc.  Add to that an issue where the ribs took too long on the grill and so we ended up having to cook the hamburgs and hotdogs on the grill pan on our stove, and I was a little harried when we called folks to the buffet table.  After several people served themselves, I got my own food and went to sit down, the first time in two hours that I'd sat.

A friend came from the dining room (where the buffet was) and said, "Is there any cheese for the burgers?  Someone's asking."

I contemplated the cheese I had in my fridge (some plain ole block cheddar, and some special artisan cheeses that cost megabucks and would be wasted on burgers) and the fact that I would have to jump up, get the cheese out, slice it, plate it, all while my food got cold, and said, "No, sorry we're not serving cheese for the burgers." 

Friend went back into the dining room to report this, and the evening proceeded well.

But I bet you all can guess who was asking for cheese for their burger?