s/o/ PF complaining.

[MOM21SON]

My DS is very very very picky.  He has never ever been rude about it in public.  I admit, sometimes he gets miffed at me at home, but I deal.

Recently we went to a BBQ at a friends.  DS ate I chicken leg, that was it.  There was chicken, green salad, macaroni salad, baked beans, hamburgers, chips and dips. 

DS loves chicken, burgers, green salad and baked beans.  So on the way home I asked him why he didn't eat.  Well, this still makes me gag.  From where DS was sitting, he witnessed the 4 year DD of the host, tossing the salad with her hands, digging in the macaroni salad to grab some, drinking out of the salad dressing bottle, putting chips back in the bag and slurping the dip with her fingers.

So after I barfed, I asked him why he didn't say anything. He said he didn't want to be rude.  What should he have done?

Oh and she poke a whiole in every.single.burger.

I ate chicken, green salad with the tainted dressing and chips!

[JennJenn68]

Well, at least now you know that he had a reason for being picky at this particular BBQ! (Is there a "barfing face" icon available?  We really need one!)

Really, the only thing that I think that your DS could have done would have been to take you aside, quietly, and let you know about the problems with the food "handling", and then left it up to you.  And since I don't know how old he is, or how shy he is, or anything about his personality, that might have been very difficult indeed for him to do.  (My own son would have had no problem coming right out and saying something, probably very bluntly indeed, but he has Asperger's and tact seems to be a holy mystery to him...)

Bleah!  I'm so sorry that you had to go through that.  Try not to think of it... (Yes, I know--that's about as helpful as saying, "You will receive a million dollars if in the next minute you do NOT think of a blue camel".  What thought will refuse to leave your mind?  Yup...)

[mrkitty]

I don't know how to say this without sounding awful, but do you think he could have been saying that to avoid an argument with you about not wanting to participate in the social event? I don't know how old he is, and like the PP said, know nothing about his personality, etc. but speaking from experience, when I was a child (especially a very difficult teenage girl at times), sometimes (and I am ashamed to admit this) I would refuse to eat just to irritate my parents, because it drove them up the wall. I can't explain why now, except that I was extremely passive aggressive and this was MY way of rebelling.

Could something like this have happened with your son? It's just a thought. Because if, indeed, he saw what he reported and was NOT making an excuse for picky eating OR embellishing what he did witness, don't you think someone else at the party would have noticed the child doing all those horrible things to the food and possibly have intervened or reported her behavior to her parents or the hosts?

Just a thought. 

Modified to add the following: Also, I don't think there is anything you COULD have done, unless he told you at the BBQ or if you had seen it yourself. Then, in that case, I would say it would have been appropriate to take the host aside quietly and tell her what you saw or your son reported. But since he didn't say anything until you were driving home, I'm assuming the event was already over, so what could you have done? Call the host and let her know that all her guests might be getting sick in a while? I'm just not sure that it happened, though. I can't imagine anyone seeing something like that and not immediately acting upon it, or your son seeing it and even so much as nudging you in the side and gesturing towards the offending behavior...that's why I question what he said. I'm just wondering if he resented having to go to the BBQ for whatever reason and didn't eat much because he was being passive aggressive, and then when you questioned his behavior, found a way to excuse it to avoid being called on the carpet? 

[cicero]

My DS is very very very picky.  He has never ever been rude about it in public.  I admit, sometimes he gets miffed at me at home, but I deal.

Recently we went to a BBQ at a friends.  DS ate I chicken leg, that was it.  There was chicken, green salad, macaroni salad, baked beans, hamburgers, chips and dips. 

DS loves chicken, burgers, green salad and baked beans.  So on the way home I asked him why he didn't eat.  Well, this still makes me gag.  From where DS was sitting, he witnessed the 4 year DD of the host, tossing the salad with her hands, digging in the macaroni salad to grab some, drinking out of the salad dressing bottle, putting chips back in the bag and slurping the dip with her fingers.

So after I barfed, I asked him why he didn't say anything. He said he didn't want to be rude.  What should he have done?

Oh and she poke a whiole in every.single.burger.

I ate chicken, green salad with the tainted dressing and chips!

what should he have done? he should have spoken up, or said something to someone. this is a great lesson in teaching our kids the difference between right and rude, or assertive and passive.