Facebook Event Invite

[needhelp63]

My DD received a facebook event invite from her SIL for an event at the church they both attend weekly.  Here is how it worked the church has a Facebook account set up to post events and happenings for the church.  DD is not a friend for the church Facebook page as she does not feel it is necessary and keeps current with church events via attending church and reading the weekly church bulletin.  Her SIL is a friend of the church Facebook page and as such accessed the event for a church fund raiser and sent the event as an invite to DD with a response requested of accept, decline or maybe.  There were no personal comments added to the event invite. 
My DD felt as if the event invite was somewhat intrusive and chose to ignore receiving the event invite.  Her reasons for feeling this was intrusive were –
a.    DD was in the hospital for major surgery the week before this event occurred and was not really in physical shape to attend or help at the event and her SIL knew this.
b.    Her SIL knows they attend church regularly and are aware of this fund raiser event so it felt to DD like she was being reminded that she should be participating and as such felt like her SIL was intruding into her personal space.
c.   Her SIL does invite her to family events, but does not invite her to go to other social outings.
d.   DD did not really feel as if it was of any reason for her SIL to know whether she was going to attend the event or not. 

So my questions are –

Is this type of Facebook event invite something that others may find intrusive too?  Is it because the event is connected to one’s religion and one’s participation in that religious organization?

Is this acceptable in today’s more electronically social world?

Would SIL have been better served to post a reminder of the event on her own Facebook page with just a personal note to say hope to see you all at the event instead of forwarding the event invite asking for a response.

[MariaE]

Since they both attend the same church I actually don't think it was intrusive at all. It may just have been SIL's way of saying "Hope to see you there". A reminder on her fb-page might have worked just as well, but I don't think either is less or more polite or intrusive than the other.

[Perfect Circle]

I don't think it's intrusive at all.

FB invites are pretty normal - they act as a reminder of an event.

[thedudeabides]

I wouldn't find it intrusive.  She might have wanted to make sure your daughter didn't miss out on this event because it sounded like something your daughter would like.  It's not as though she invited your daughter so some completely random event at a place your daughter isn't affiliated with.

I get these pretty frequently.  In fact, a friend just sent me an invite to an event we've been planning on going to for months.  Keeps it at the front of my mind.

[O'Dell]

I see it as acceptable. But if this is part of a pattern of behavior that your daughter sees with her SIL, then I'd trust her judgment that it was deliberate.

Posting it on her own wall wouldn't be nearly so effective as an event invite. One post can be so easily missed.

[Irishkitty]

I don't feel it was overly intrusive. I do think it's a little OTT. As needhelp63 said, her DD already knew of the event and her SIL should have know that the likelyhood of her RSVPing yes was slim given the surgery.

However, I would overlook it this time, as it's possible that SIL:
- still thought DD might attend
- thought there might be further details on the FB invite
- or thought it would be a helpful reminder if SIL would not be attending church before the ceremony due to the surgery.
- it could be a simple case of "Oh, DD's not on the invite list, I'll helpfully forward it to her!"

But if this kind of thing continues to occur, I would have your DD call or pm back to her thanking her for the reminders, but gently telling her there's no need for her to continue to send them on, she has all she needs from attending church as well as keeping an eye on their site.

[WillyNilly]

The thing with FB events and their invites, often when you click "share" you are then faced with selecting from all of your friends.  Since this was a fundraiser, she probably cast a wide net.  Your DD belongs to the church so of course she included your DD.

Also the way events work is you can only invite more people/share the event if you are part of it.  So actually your DD could have helped, from home, from bed even if she has a laptop or smartphone.  She could have sent the invite to all her friends, thus expanding the audience who sees the event.

[Hmmmmm]

I don't think intrusive.  I would view it as a way of saying "Hey, knew you were in the hospital and event might have slipped your mind.  I thought you might enjoy it, so just a friendly reminder."

I think your DD really dislikes her SiL. 

[shivering]

I don't see this as intrusive. It's a pretty common use of FB. Since it was set up as an event, SIL probably sent the reminder to everyone affiliated with the church as a general FYI. She may not have even been considering whether the person was or wasn't going to attend. She was probably just going through her list of FB friends and including everyone involved with the church. If it was sent to a large group is also a reason why there weren't any personal comments. Also the attending/decline/maybe option may be an automatic function of the invite program. I receive about 10 of these a week so I'm pretty blase about them and often times they don't really require an RSVP. It's more informational.

[NotTheNarcissist]

So my questions are –

Is this type of Facebook event invite something that others may find intrusive too?  Is it because the event is connected to one’s religion and one’s participation in that religious organization?

Annoying but not intrusive. I used to receive FB event invites from someone in another state. I would never attend those. He just sent them to everyone with no regard to the location of the indiviiual he sent them to. I found that rude; i unfriended him eventually.

As others said SIL may have sent the invite to "all" church folks, not singling out DD.

One other thing that comes to mind is perhaps SIL thought there may be a small chance DD would attend but not actually physically participate, just kind of hang out (& be a spectator) for the sake of being with family & friends. I have done so, & would do that again.

I don't feel that the religion connection has anything to do w/ this whether an invite on FB is intrusive.

Is this acceptable in today’s more electronically social world?

I am not sure what you mean by the word "this" exactly? Church FB invites? Or all FB invites? If so, maybe, but only to the people on FB. Not everyone is one FB so those folks are spared the annoying or "intrusive" invites.

Would SIL have been better served to post a reminder of the event on her own Facebook page with just a personal note to say hope to see you all at the event instead of forwarding the event invite asking for a response.

It depends on the SIL's role in the event. If she's an attendee only, yes; if she's heading up the event, then she may - based on past experience- have found the need to generate a FB invite to garner more attendance. It depends on the particular event crowd too... The Youth group is far more likely to respond via FB than someone who is less-electronically dependent (trying not to step on toes, I'm thinking of people who don't have the Internet or a computer at all.)

It sounds like your DDs reaction is a symptom of a bigger issue in her rel@tionship w/her SIL. If she can take the emotion out of it, she may find it a harmless act on SIL's part. Think of it this way. Had the invite been sent by someone else in the congregation who knew all the various factors of heslth issues, timing, etc, would DD have reacted the same?

[Sharnita]

I don't think there was a problem with what SIL did.  Honestly, this is how FB works and when you become a friend of a group like a church or any similar organization situations like that will spring up.  SIL was doing this for the whole church, not cherry picking through the list.  DD can ignore it completely or decline and either way she is not rude and has not been treated rudely.  SIL and the church are getting the feedback they are looking for to plan appropriately.

[needhelp63]

OP here - thanks for the comments and I did expect that this behavior is considered acceptable by Facebook users.  I do not have a problem with it, but it has caused me to ask deeper questions. 

Also, to let you all know DD gets along okay with her SIL, but does think she can be somewhat of a busy body which can be annoying at times.  SIL is not an organizer of this event and if she had been I think DD would have understood her sharing the information.

Part of what I guess I wanted to ask and did not do so clearly is should a Facebook user try and be more aware of who their audience is prior to sending something forward like this church event invite. 

For example, every church member who is on Facebook already has the abilty to be a friend of the church.  If every church member you are friends with on Facebook did this, you could end up with multiple invites to the same event at the church.  I would find the multiple invites to be extremely annoying especially since I have the ability to check the church Facebook page on my own and/or get that information when present at church. 

I agree that it is nice to put a friendly reminder out, but I would think one would add a personal note that would say something of that nature.

I view Facebook and social websites as a tool for communicating and keeping in touch with friends.  To me tools are just that aids for doing something and as such they still should not replace rules of ettiquette or courtesy and consideration.  Sometimes tools by there design can make it more difficult to be more selective in who the audience is, but does that mean we should accept that behavior as okay because the tool is designed to work that way or do we have a responsiblity to still take the more difficult actions to be more selective on who we send something to?

Lastly, I find religion and religious events whether they be revivals, retreats, seminars, social events or a church fund raisers to be something that many agree with, but that others do not and as such was also wondering if it is safe to assume that an entire friend list would be okay with receiving that type of invitation.  Or are we maybe better served to assume that they can get that information on their own.

[NotTheNarcissist]

Part of what I guess I wanted to ask and did not do so clearly is should a Facebook user try and be more aware of who their audience is prior to sending something forward like this church event invite. 

Yes, one should be aware of the audience as you mention. That being said, as with "non-social media" invitations, there will always be people who ignore etiquette, or are otherwise clueless as to proper etiquette. Really it's part etiquette & part common sense to me.

Lastly, I find religion and religious events whether they be revivals, retreats, seminars, social events or a church fund raisers to be something that many agree with, but that others do not and as such was also wondering if it is safe to assume that an entire friend list would be okay with receiving that type of invitation.  Or are we maybe better served to assume that they can get that information on their own.

It is not safe to assume that. What you have described is a form of spam IMO & I have unfriended a few FB "friends" for doing that.

[WillyNilly]

...For example, every church member who is on Facebook already has the abilty to be a friend of the church.  If every church member you are friends with on Facebook did this, you could end up with multiple invites to the same event at the church.  I would find the multiple invites to be extremely annoying especially since I have the ability to check the church Facebook page on my own and/or get that information when present at church...

Actually this can't happen.  Once you are invited to a FB event you are invited and if the next person sends out invites, your name will be 'greyed out' - its impossible to click you.

Essentially every event has 3 guest lists: attending, not yet responded, and not attending.  Once you are sent an invite you are on a guest list (you start obviously on not yet responded, and you can stay there if you do nothing, or you can respond in which case you move to either attending or not attending).  And once you are on a guest list no one can invite you to that event again (unless they create a whole new FB event and invite you to that new event).