General Etiquette > Family and Children

Do I offer $$ compensation for a huge favor from my Aunt/Uncle?

(1/5) > >>

Betelnut:
Hello,

As some of you may recall, I was recently (a month ago) diagnosed with cancer and am undergoing chemo (just finished my second round yesterday!)

Because I need to be close to the hospital for treatment (the chemo treatment is over 5 days out of every 21 days), I am staying with my Aunt and Uncle who live very close (within walking distance) to NIH (National Institutes of Health) where I am undergoing the treatment.  They are very, very nice people who are generous and loving.

As part of the NIH program, I can get a "Friends and Family" compensation for staying with people if I live more than 50 miles from the NIH--which I do.  The compensation is actually pretty good and I received it this go around.

The question is, do I offer it to my Aunt and Uncle?  They are letting me stay there out of the kindness of their heart, because they love me and because I need the help.  It is simply very awkward to say, "Hey, here's some money for letting me stay here" as they have said that I am family (which, of course, I am) and "not a guest."

So, do I offer and see what happens?  I am planning on getting them a nice gift after my treatments are done (with some advice from their kids) but I am nervous about simply offering up cash like they are a hotel.

What do you say?  Do I mention it?  Offer?  Keep the money and buy them a nice present afterwards?  What would you do?

Thanks.

Outdoor Girl:
That's a tough one.  You don't want to offend them.  But at the same time, the compensation is meant to defray living expenses for you.

Could you tell them about the compensation, that it is meant to defray costs and that you would like to contribute towards the household expenses while you are staying with them.  So pay for groceries and anything needed as a result of you staying there, like new sheets for the spare bed or something?  And then still get them a nice gift or take them out for a fancy dinner.

I'm sort of in the same boat.  I'm travelling for work in May and the locations I'm going to allow me to stay with my Dad, rather than get a hotel room.  I'll also save on meals, since my Dad will feed me.  My work allows us a friends and family amount for these circumstances.  I know my Dad won't let me give him the money so I'll probably just buy him something he needs/wants that I can get for him more easily than he can get for himself.  I do this quite often and he pays me back so I'll just conveniently forget to tell him what he owes me.

evely28:
I would simply give them a check or money order for the amount you received as compensation for the living expenses and tell them you had received that as compensation. Then it's not about you paying to staying with them but passing on compensation meant for them.

heartmug:
Yes, I would offer it to them.  I would not want to run the risk about them finding out about it later on and possibly being hurt that you didn't at least split the money with them.

Luci45:
Explain where it came from, what its purpose is, and try to give it to them. It sounds like they'll probably refuse it, or part of it, but it should be offered. I don't see how there can be any awkwardness involved, frankly. That's what that part of the compensation is for, so it would be dishonest to not give it to the people you are staying with.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page