Hugs. Do you hug?

[Luci45]

 Leo Buscaglia and Deepak Chopra always gave me the creeps. I have been reading up to make sure this post is accurate, and I guess Chopra isn't as extreme as I had thought, but still kind of scary in the hugs area.

[mrs_deb]

I am a major hugger and kisser - but only with people I know, and more comfortably with women than men.  I mean, I won't hug a stranger upon meeting them, but I might after spending some time together.

I was brought up in a family that hugged and kissed all the time - didn't matter if you were seeing someone for the first time in a while, or if you were running out to the store to get ice cream.  Every entrance and exit was marked with huge hugs and kisses.

So it was a major shock for me when I spent a week one summer with my college roommate and noted that in her family, a brief wave and "hi" was how they all greeted the (apparently much loved) sibling that had been on the west coast for a half dozen years and showed up with his new wife and stepdaughter.

[cattlekid]

I will hug certain people (DH, my parents, my grandmother) all the time, but I do refrain from hugging others unless approached.

What drives me batty is kissing.  In DH's culture, you kiss everyone when you enter a relative's home.  I am so terribly uncomfortable with it but I do it out of respect. 

[Piratelvr1121]

I'm really affectionate and love hugs and being hugged, and hug DH and the boys all the time and Pirateboy2 absolutely dotes on his baby brother and hugs and kisses him constantly and wants to hold him. 

I'm also affectionate with my friends but I'm not pushy with hugs. If someone says they aren't huggers and prefer to not hug, I won't force it on them. 

[Corvid]

I was raised in a very physically affectionate family and am quite huggy and touchy, but I've got pretty good touchdar - I sense and respect "hands off" vibes.

I always joke I have practically no personal bubble because I'm so comfortable with physical closeness.

[Christabeldreams]

I love human contact, and that includes hugs. However, I always ask permission if I don't know the person. The majority of my hugging is at Anime conventions, where that sort of behavoir is normal.

[violinp]

I don't like hugs or touchy stuff very much. The furthest I go with non family most of the time is shaking hands and holding hands in prayer at church. With my family, even, I'm not very touchy feely with most of my extended family - I try to do side hugs and the like. I almost always freeze up when someone else initiates a hug, even if I normally trust them, because I have touch issues from being bullied and harassed physically for many years.

I'd like to think my reticence to be physically affectionate doesn't reflect badly on me, but I know there are probably people who think I'm snobby and rigid. 

[jpcher]

I Loves me a good hug!

But only with people I know very well and when the hugs are real.

UberBoss (high up in the echelon) is a hugger. Whenever she approaches me (maybe once or twice a year) with outstreached arms, that just feels awkward.


I'm all over getting and giving hugs with the DDs and their friends. The first thing the friends do when they come into my home is seek me out and give me a big hug. Even friends coming over for the first time will stand in line for a hug. Same goes when everybody leaves.

I have no clue as to when or how that started happening . . . it's like an unwritten rule or something. I guess, somehow through the years, I just ended up being the mom with the hugs. I love it!

There is one friend (Tina, I've posted about her) who does.not.like hugs. Even though I think that she's the one who needs hugs the most I'll just touch her shoulder and give a light rub on her upper arm. Sometimes she'll come up to me and just rest her head on my shoulder . . . that, to me, is an excellent hug.

[purplemuse]

I like hugs from Mr. Muse.

I go back and forth between liking and tolerating hugs from family and friends depending on the circumstances.

I tolerate hugs from my in-laws (not that I don't care for them as people, but it's hard to get to know people when you see them once every 2 years).

I do not like hugs from strangers.

The worst for me has been someone who seemed to think he was entitled to hug me because he knew my parents.

I might be a little more standoffish than the average person.

[SleepyKitty]

I'm really not a hugger. I will hug family and my long-term BF, but not friends and never strangers or acquaintances. Children are always okay for hugs, though, providing they're not covered in mud or finger-paint or something like that (and even then sometimes it's still ok  ). It can sometimes cause awkwardness - at the funeral of a family member, everyone and their sister wanted to hug me, and I had to constantly fend people off.

But on those instances there is a voice in the back of my head saying ” that's weird that they don't like hugs”

About this, I think it depends on the context. As in the OP, if there was a mother who didn't hug her kids, I would also think that was kind of weird. But I don't think it's weird not to want to hug with someone you're not particularly close with. After all, "hug" is just a nice term for pressing your body up against someone else's and wrapping your arms around them. I'm just not comfortable being that physically close to someone who isn't a major part of my life -  I usually don't want their body pushed up against mine.

[Bijou]

Everyone has his/her own personal boundaries.  I don't think it's necessarily a reflection as to how close they feel to a person.

I do hugs with close family and very close friends, but that's about it. Other people I know give hugs to someone who they just met for the first time.  Others - just don't do it.  It doesn't necessarily mean that they are cold and unfeeling.

That's about it for me, too.  I was a young adult during the hug everyone you meet even if you don't know them phase in society, and hugged away just like everyone else, but anymore?  It doesn't appeal to me, at all.

[kareng57]

I like hugs! I assume everyone likes hugs! I respect boundaries, or if someone backs up or sticks out their hand for a shake instead of a hug. But on those instances there is a voice in the back of my head saying ” that's weird that they don't like hugs”

I really take exception to your voice-in-the-head that "it's weird".  I am not a hugger, but I understand that some folks are, and I don't call it weird.

[PrincessInPink]

I enjoy them very much with certain people . But if I'm not really comfortable with someone, I prefer not to do it. In some situations I will tell people that I'm not a touchy or huggy person because it's the easiest way to explain why I don't want to hug them. I do think of myself as a hugger, though-- just not with everyone.

I don't really hug my parents because the only time they try to initiate it is when I'm really upset. It seems like they always pick the worst possible times, the times when hugging is the last thing I want to do. But if I'm in a good mood, they aren't interested in hugging me at all.

[Piratelvr1121]

I was thinking about this some more today and remembered there are a few people in my life (as in family & friends) that I'm not affectionate with and that list is really short. 

1. I can't remember when I was willingly affectionate with my father.  I did give him hugs and stuff but it always felt awkward to me even when I was around 8 or so.   I just didn't feel very close to him at all, and still don't.  As I've given both of my folks the cut direct, neither of them get hugs so at least I don't have to worry about that anymore!

2. FIL.  Now I adore my FIL.  He's got this very dry and bizarre sense of humor that he passed on to DH.  Lots of bad but still somehow hilarious puns.   So my awkwardness in hugging the man has very little to do with how I feel for the man.  I think in his case it's that he himself is not really much of a hugger.  If you give him one he'll return it, but I don't see him really seeking people out to hug them.

I have a very affectionate extended family.  On my dad's side, my grandparents were both VERY affectionate.  Grandpa was kind of a close talker and there was no such thing as a quick hug with that man.   Nor with his son and namesake, my Uncle "Patrick".  Or with Patrick's son either, for that matter.  Uncle Patrick, my late Aunt Jo, and their two boys are a very, very affectionate family in words and gestures. 

I usually don't hug people when I'm first meeting them, though when I first met my best friend, we'd already been talking for about a year and a half by that point so when I went to see her we both hugged when we first met face to face.

[caz]

I am a hugger - my housemate (and friend) is NOT!  I find it quite hard to stop myself from going in for the hug if I see he's stressed etc, but have been doing better!  I still don't get it, but that's my problem, not his.