Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!

[TootsNYC]

Am I the only person feeling disappointed for all the gathering relatives?

It's a holiday, and getting together with family is important. But only 3 hours' worth? Even if it turns out you're in the middle of having fun?

If the other tradition you want to start is so important, I vote for not hosting at all. Then someone else can host who will understand what the family wants (time with family), and you can leave early.

[JenJay]

Am I the only person feeling disappointed for all the gathering relatives?

It's a holiday, and getting together with family is important. But only 3 hours' worth? Even if it turns out you're in the middle of having fun?

If the other tradition you want to start is so important, I vote for not hosting at all. Then someone else can host who will understand what the family wants (time with family), and you can leave early.

I could see it being an issue if OP wanted to schedule her gathering for a time that would make it difficult for anyone else to host something (say, 1 to 4pm) but she's not. My Mom used to always have Christmas day breakfast during a similar timeframe (8am to noon) and it worked out really well for everyone. After her breakfast was over she'd go visit with her husband's parents who weren't able to make it to the breakfast and the rest of us would either make more Christmas Gathering rounds (sometimes ending up at the same places) or head home and enjoy the rest of the day.

[VorFemme]

If you live in an apartment house with a "party room" - you could reserve that room for the event, then announce that "another group is showing up to decorate for their wedding/bar mitzvah/birthday party/whatever.

If you don't want to set up at another venue - is there any way to announce that your kids HAVE to be at a soccer game, roller skating party, school program, church event, etc. by X time and you're so sorry to see them go, but you really have to say goodby NOW!  Even if your family plans are to get in the car and drive around the block (plan to be gone longer than five minutes, just in case anyone sticks around because family events NEVER end before dark!) just to get out everyone out of the house!

[Calypso]

Am I the only person feeling disappointed for all the gathering relatives?

It's a holiday, and getting together with family is important. But only 3 hours' worth? Even if it turns out you're in the middle of having fun?

If the other tradition you want to start is so important, I vote for not hosting at all. Then someone else can host who will understand what the family wants (time with family), and you can leave early.

By the same token, there are lots of people (such as myself) who want very much to see family, but get overloaded after a (relatively) short time----and would welcome the idea that there's a limit to the party. You can't please everyone, so, OP, host it your way and them that don't like it can get together on their own afterward to carry on.
But please, don't waffle around with "12:30 or so" or any other qualifiers----if you firmly say "9:30-12:30" in the invitations, you can be as flexible as you like at the actual party---but there's no need to be imprecise on the invitations.

[PennyandPleased]

TootsNYC - I totally understand your concern. And no worries - I would not let the clock strike 12:30 on the dot and then chase people out with a broom. But that part of the family gets together ALOT. More than you can imagine so I promise it's not a matter of people being alone near a holiday. And the relatives who seem to hang around forever are the ones who also refuse to host and they are more than capable of doing so.

There are only a few of us who ever host and those who have in the past need a break. I now own a large home and can entertain but also have a new family I would like to start traditions with.

[SPuck]

Okay, so what should the OP say/do if the subtle signs don't work to, such as starting to clean up or acting tried?

[philliesphan]

Okay, so what should the OP say/do if the subtle signs don't work to, such as starting to clean up or acting tried?

I have no problem saying to guests, "It's been wonderful having you, but I'm afraid we need to kick you out now" -- with a smile on my face, so that it's clear I really have enjoyed their company, but that now it's time to go to bed/head to the dentist/whatever.

Is this rude?

[CakeBeret]

Okay, so what should the OP say/do if the subtle signs don't work to, such as starting to clean up or acting tried?

Round up people's jackets, open the front door, stand next to it and thank people for coming.

If that doesn't work, announce that you have an appointment this afternoon and must be going.

[whatsanenigma]

Okay, so what should the OP say/do if the subtle signs don't work to, such as starting to clean up or acting tried?

Round up people's jackets, open the front door, stand next to it and thank people for coming.

If that doesn't work, announce that you have an appointment this afternoon and must be going.

Along with this, I suggest a warning or two in advance.  "Just to let you all know, we've only got about half an hour of party time left, so enjoy yourselves! " for example.  Or more subtly, "I can't believe it's 15 minutes until (ending time of party), we're having such a good time." and then discuss when you'll see everybody again.  Maybe not those exact words, but something to that effect, that the time is winding down and exactly how much is left.  Maybe even work in an encouragement like "Hurry up and help yourself to more refreshments if you would like, there are plenty left".  Whatever is applicable.

Another thought is, for those people who just won't leave, "Anybody here after [ending time of party plus 5 minutes] will be considered to be volunteering to help clean up"  or even "If anyone would like to help me clean up, just stick around after [ending time]". Of course, that would only work if you know for a fact that no one would take you up on it...or that you really are leaving a time cushion that allows you to clean up before running to another errand and would appriciate the help.  That one's a little iffy, though, I realize.  You'd have to know your audience and how what they might be inclined to do might interact with what plans you have.

[TootsNYC]

Am I the only person feeling disappointed for all the gathering relatives?

It's a holiday, and getting together with family is important. But only 3 hours' worth? Even if it turns out you're in the middle of having fun?

If the other tradition you want to start is so important, I vote for not hosting at all. Then someone else can host who will understand what the family wants (time with family), and you can leave early.

By the same token, there are lots of people (such as myself) who want very much to see family, but get overloaded after a (relatively) short time----and would welcome the idea that there's a limit to the party. You can't please everyone, so, OP, host it your way and them that don't like it can get together on their own afterward to carry on.
But please, don't waffle around with "12:30 or so" or any other qualifiers----if you firmly say "9:30-12:30" in teh invitations, you can be as flexible as you like at the actual party---but there's no need to be imprecise on the invitations.

But you can leave early!

If the family clearly wants a longer celebration, and you want a shorter one, then maybe you are not the proper host.

If you feel it's fair to do this--declare yourself the "official family host of the official family holiday gathering" of sorts, and still have time limit, then I bow to your clearer knowledge of your family.

In that case, simply tell people personally that you will have to leave at 12:30, so that's when breakfast ends, and that you're sorry to have to call an end, but you have something else  you're obligated to be at.

And then start cleaning up, and also then say, "well, it's 12:15, and we have to leave for our other event--we'll see you all later. Does everybody have everything they brought?" And even, to the people who don't leave, "I'll have to send you home now, because we need to leave."

[Kaypeep]

I think the holiday matters.  July 4th, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Easter and Thanksgiving are not good days for a short gathering.  Mother's Day, Christmas, New Years Eve or Day, I think you can get away with a short event and not expect folks to linger.  But holiday or not, there are always lingerers so you need to be clear about the ending of the party. 

Some of the PPs have given good tips (warning announcements timed out close to the 'end time', getting a few others to help call it a day, etc.)  I'd suggest some other cues like having music playing during the event, then making a point to turn it off to signal the end.  Same with TV if kids are watching or playing video games.  Maybe prepare a 'favor' of some cookies or candy in a bag and start handing them out to signal the breakfast is over.

[random numbers]

This is somewhat tongue-in-cheek but we had an acquaintance who had a fool-proof way of getting rid of visitors with no sense of time.  When people stayed beyond their welcome, he'd just crank up the original Broadway cast recording of 'Sweeney Todd'.  That worked like a charm every time. 

I've always been partial to 'The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.'

[LeveeWoman]

Am I the only person feeling disappointed for all the gathering relatives?

It's a holiday, and getting together with family is important. But only 3 hours' worth? Even if it turns out you're in the middle of having fun?

If the other tradition you want to start is so important, I vote for not hosting at all. Then someone else can host who will understand what the family wants (time with family), and you can leave early.

Why? Do you think it's okay that a bunch of relatives monopolize a host's entire day?

Are you really trying to tell that a host that she must not put on an event because someone else might do a better job?

[ettiquit]

Am I the only person feeling disappointed for all the gathering relatives?

It's a holiday, and getting together with family is important. But only 3 hours' worth? Even if it turns out you're in the middle of having fun?

If the other tradition you want to start is so important, I vote for not hosting at all. Then someone else can host who will understand what the family wants (time with family), and you can leave early.

By the same token, there are lots of people (such as myself) who want very much to see family, but get overloaded after a (relatively) short time----and would welcome the idea that there's a limit to the party. You can't please everyone, so, OP, host it your way and them that don't like it can get together on their own afterward to carry on.
But please, don't waffle around with "12:30 or so" or any other qualifiers----if you firmly say "9:30-12:30" in teh invitations, you can be as flexible as you like at the actual party---but there's no need to be imprecise on the invitations.

But you can leave early!

If the family clearly wants a longer celebration, and you want a shorter one, then maybe you are not the proper host.

If you feel it's fair to do this--declare yourself the "official family host of the official family holiday gathering" of sorts, and still have time limit, then I bow to your clearer knowledge of your family.

In that case, simply tell people personally that you will have to leave at 12:30, so that's when breakfast ends, and that you're sorry to have to call an end, but you have something else  you're obligated to be at.

And then start cleaning up, and also then say, "well, it's 12:15, and we have to leave for our other event--we'll see you all later. Does everybody have everything they brought?" And even, to the people who don't leave, "I'll have to send you home now, because we need to leave."

I don't think how long people want to hang out should dictate the length of the party, or who and who isn't an appropriate host.  3 hours is pretty much my limit for any family gathering, regardless of the holiday.  I don't consider it to be leaving early either (unless the invitation has an actual time frame included). 

Honestly, if people are going to be so put off at only being able to hang out at the OP's house for 3 hours they can always just decline the invitation.

[Syfygeek]

I sympathize with you OP!  I hosted a Christmas brunch, began at 10, by noon all the food was gone, and the family stayed! It was one sister, her DH and kids and our mom. It was almost 4 by the time they left, I was exhausted!