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Author Topic: Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!  (Read 14703 times)

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artk2002

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Re: Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!
« Reply #45 on: May 04, 2012, 11:00:56 AM »
See, I think it's much more polite, and warmer, to directly say, "I'm going to have to send you home, unfortunately. I'm zonked, and need some time to myself. This has been fun. Here's your food."

It feels much less critical.

This.

The underlying problem is that it feels rude to ask someone to leave. Many people have been taught that it is rude to say something like that. It's not. It can be said rudely, but the idea of asking someone to leave when they've overstayed their welcome isn't rude at all.

Someone who stays when the host is giving clear signals (i.e. cleaning up, yawning) is being rude. There's no need to retaliate with rudeness, but setting clear boundaries with polite wording is fine.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

artk2002

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Re: Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!
« Reply #46 on: May 04, 2012, 11:03:15 AM »
I don't think (general) you can come out and say, "If you aren't willing to have them all day, don't host," unless you know for a fact this family is going to take major umbrage at being shown the door.

Absolutely true, and the family that takes umbrage at it is rude to boot. We often say "host the event that you can afford." That applies to time and other resources as well as money. If you can't afford the time to host all day, then you host something shorter, just as if you can't afford the price of caviar, you serve something less expensive.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Sharnita

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Re: Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!
« Reply #47 on: May 04, 2012, 11:06:21 AM »
I don't think (general) you can come out and say, "If you aren't willing to have them all day, don't host," unless you know for a fact this family is going to take major umbrage at being shown the door.

Absolutely true, and the family that takes umbrage at it is rude to boot. We often say "host the event that you can afford." That applies to time and other resources as well as money. If you can't afford the time to host all day, then you host something shorter, just as if you can't afford the price of caviar, you serve something less expensive.

I don't thhink the family would be rude to have somebody else host in the future, though

still in va

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Re: Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!
« Reply #48 on: May 04, 2012, 11:15:03 AM »
I don't think (general) you can come out and say, "If you aren't willing to have them all day, don't host," unless you know for a fact this family is going to take major umbrage at being shown the door.

Absolutely true, and the family that takes umbrage at it is rude to boot. We often say "host the event that you can afford." That applies to time and other resources as well as money. If you can't afford the time to host all day, then you host something shorter, just as if you can't afford the price of caviar, you serve something less expensive.

I don't thhink the family would be rude to have somebody else host in the future, though

i don't think it would be rude at all for someone else to host if the family members who want to hang out all day long on whatever holiday it is decides to be insulted that the celebration is trimmed down from the current 6 or so hours to 3 or 4.  anyone who prefers the longer celebration is more than welcome to host.  i don't see that happening, from OP's reply #19.   the significant portion here:

"And the relatives who seem to hang around forever are the ones who also refuse to host and they are more than capable of doing so.

There are only a few of us who ever host and those who have in the past need a break. I now own a large home and can entertain but also have a new family I would like to start traditions with.
"

Instantkarma

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Re: Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!
« Reply #49 on: May 04, 2012, 12:50:44 PM »
I think if someone in my family had a limit of 1.5 hours, then I would not want them to be the host of the "official family gathering" for a holiday.

They're not equipped for it, even if their house *IS* big.

ok but the OP didnt say 1.5 hours, shes planning on having everyone over for 3 hours.  I also dont really think its your decision to say that shes "not equipped" to host because she doesnt meet *your* standards of how long a breakfast should be! 

edit - actually OP i think your plan is brilliant - it gives the whole family a chance to spend time together in the morning and then break into smaller units for the afternoon, the best of both worlds.

Sterling

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Re: Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!
« Reply #50 on: May 04, 2012, 01:34:25 PM »
I have never thought of memorial day or labor day to be holidays that involve long family celebrations.

Personally I feel 3 hrs for a breakfast is plenty of time.  After that people want to eat agian and it is no longer breakfast.  It also doesn't sound like this is family that doesn't see each other often since no one is traveling very far.
93 93/93

Aeris

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Re: Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!
« Reply #51 on: May 04, 2012, 02:05:17 PM »
I don't think the official family gathering needs to be all day, but 1.5 hours is too short. I even think 3 is a little on the short side. 4 hours makes sense to me, and 5 maybe depending on the holiday.



But I think the hostess has the right to a shorter gathering if that's what she wants. If the relatives think it's too short, they can not attend, or find a way to congregate afterwards. I don't think the hostess should feel obligated to have a gathering that will leave her overly exhausted, even though the guests would prefer it.

But then I think the host(ess) also needs to be ready to gracefully accept if in the future they decide to have somebody else host.

Obviously, but I think the OP was pretty clear that she was only stepping up to host because the small group of people who normally host seemed to need a break. And that the people who are most inclined to hang out all day are not willing to step up and host.

Aeris

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Re: Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!
« Reply #52 on: May 04, 2012, 02:09:12 PM »
I don't think the official family gathering needs to be all day, but 1.5 hours is too short. I even think 3 is a little on the short side. 4 hours makes sense to me, and 5 maybe depending on the holiday.

There are no official rules for how long or short a Memorial Day gathering needs to be. Just because 1.5 hours is shorter than you, personally, would prefer does not mean it is 'too short' in some abstract, universal way.

There's nothing wrong with offering to host precisely what you are comfortable with hosting, even if it's less than/shorter than what the family has done in the past. If it's not acceptable to the rest of the family, someone else can step up to host it.

Moray

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Re: Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!
« Reply #53 on: May 04, 2012, 02:12:42 PM »
I don't think the official family gathering needs to be all day, but 1.5 hours is too short. I even think 3 is a little on the short side. 4 hours makes sense to me, and 5 maybe depending on the holiday.

There are no official rules for how long or short a Memorial Day gathering needs to be. Just because 1.5 hours is shorter than you, personally, would prefer does not mean it is 'too short' in some abstract, universal way.

There's nothing wrong with offering to host precisely what you are comfortable with hosting, even if it's less than/shorter than what the family has done in the past. If it's not acceptable to the rest of the family, someone else can step up to host it.

Pod. Especially given that the OP was actually trying for about 3 hours, which isn't all that short.
Utah

Sharnita

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Re: Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!
« Reply #54 on: May 04, 2012, 02:16:43 PM »
I actually wonder if the burden of hosting would finally be shared more evenly if they knew it was the only option for their extended gatherings.

TootsNYC

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Re: Thank You for Coming... Now LEAVE!
« Reply #55 on: May 04, 2012, 02:25:07 PM »
or if the burden of hosting would be shared more equally if they all got used to NOT hanging around for-ev-er.

(just a note--the 1.5 hours was mentioned by the person directly above my post--I was responding to her)