I don't talk to boyfriends

[RiverSong]

So, BF and I have been dating for almost 4 months now and this past Sunday we stopped at my parent's church after our service because we were meeting them for lunch. We walked in and my father was still preaching, but there were a few people milling in the lobby that I was familiar with and I said hi and introduced BF to the group.

There were some general conversations and one older gentlemen (about 65) approached and we started talking and someone pointed out that he hadn't introduced himself to BF. When we first walked in we did general introductions where I introduced BF and exchanged names, so I didn't think further introduction was needed and would have just shrugged off the comment if it weren't for "Marty's", who we had been conversing with,  comment that he "doesn't talk to boyfriends."  I had no idea what to say so I just gave a blank stare. Marty went on to say that he had walked his niece down the aisle twice and each time had told her that it wasn't too late to change her mind. My response was that my mind was pretty made up at this point.

I am guessing that the point of his statements was that he didn't consider a relationship real unless were married? Either way, I know there has to be a better response that what I came up with but the statement was so bizarre that my brain stalled. Was there a better way I could have handled this?

[SleepyKitty]

Probably a stunned silence was best! That's such a rude and aggressive comment to make right in front of your BF, and honestly the only response I can think of to that is "Well, I don't talk to jerks," followed by a swift exit. Since that just compounds the rudeness, I think just staring silently at him with a bemused look might be the only response.

[Kaypeep]

What a jerk.  Any chance you told your dad so he can perhaps address the issue of 'common courtesy' in his sermon next week? 

[LeveeWoman]

So, BF and I have been dating for almost 4 months now and this past Sunday we stopped at my parent's church after our service because we were meeting them for lunch. We walked in and my father was still preaching, but there were a few people milling in the lobby that I was familiar with and I said hi and introduced BF to the group.

There were some general conversations and one older gentlemen (about 65) approached and we started talking and someone pointed out that he hadn't introduced himself to BF. When we first walked in we did general introductions where I introduced BF and exchanged names, so I didn't think further introduction was needed and would have just shrugged off the comment if it weren't for "Marty's", who we had been conversing with,  comment that he "doesn't talk to boyfriends."  I had no idea what to say so I just gave a blank stare. Marty went on to say that he had walked his niece down the aisle twice and each time had told her that it wasn't too late to change her mind. My response was that my mind was pretty made up at this point.

I am guessing that the point of his statements was that he didn't consider a relationship real unless were married? Either way, I know there has to be a better response that what I came up with but the statement was so bizarre that my brain stalled. Was there a better way I could have handled this?

Your response was perfect. Boors such as this deserve no acknowledgment.

ETA: I agree with Kaypeep that this could be part of a sermon about reaching out to others, about treating each other with kindness and humility.

[RiverSong]

Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad to know my response was appropriate. I racked my brains for awhile afterward trying to think of what I could say and I really came up with nada.

I did, in fact, mention it at Sunday dinner but I don't know if he mentioned it in his next sermon as BF and I attend a different church. I'm sure it will make it's way into one, sooner or later.

[random numbers]

So...boyfriends aren't real people, worthy of conversation on their own, until they get married?

[LifeOnPluto]

It was a very rude and odd comment to make! I agree that stunned silence is perfectly fine.

However, I will add that the person who told Marty to introduce himself to your BF was also a bit rude. You'd already introduced your BF to the group in general, so there was probably no need for Marty to do so anyway. And even if Marty was remiss in not introducing himself, it's still rude to point out someone else's faux pas in public. 

[Allyson]

What did your parents think of Marty's comment?

That's so unnecessarily rude. Does he 'not talk' to friends? Or does he not approve of unmarried romantic partners? Not talking to him because you might not end up marrying doesn't make any sense--would he refuse to talk to another guest you brought? Seems like a passive-aggressive way of expressing disapproval.

[JoyinVirginia]

You were fine.the only other thing you could have done was a non response like ”oh...” Then immediately turn to someone to talk. Kinda like humoring someone who just said the sky is green.

[Mannerless]

I think your response was the best under the circumstances.

Also let me say welcome to the board (looks like you are new to posting) and you have a great screen name!

[RiverSong]

I think your response was the best under the circumstances.

Also let me say welcome to the board (looks like you are new to posting) and you have a great screen name!

Thanks, I like it too.  I've lurked for a while but finally had a question.

My parents just sort of shrugged it off as that's just the way he is. My parents are the type that they don't usually take offense at much, so that when I react differently than they do, they tend to think I am overreacting. I definitely felt like he was being PA and saw no reason for his response. Just stunning.

[Twik]

He wasn't being Passive Aggressive, he was being outright Aggressive.

While one can understand someone from a traditional background thinking that a daughter's boyfriend is not yet "family" in the sense that a husband is, this man had no more real relationship with you than he did with your boyfriend. So, it would appear that he does not talk to any unmarried male in a relationship with anyone, which would seem to cut out a large proportion of the population.

[LeveeWoman]

What if you were a man and you had your girlfriend with you? Would he refuse to speak to her?

[RiverSong]

What if you were a man and you had your girlfriend with you? Would he refuse to speak to her?

Probably, considering he tried talking his niece out of a wedding twice. I think his family issues have tainted his judgement of others relationships a little.

[wolfie]

What if you were a man and you had your girlfriend with you? Would he refuse to speak to her?

No - he doesn't talk to boyfriends so he wouldn't talk to you! :-)