General Etiquette > Life...in general

Neighbor parking question (long) UPDATE pg. 2

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caterlaw:
It's been awhile since I asked a neighbor-etiquette question, but I need advice on how to handle this.

B/G 1:  After the tree fiasco (I can't find the previous thread), we sent a letter to our neighbors J and R re: various projects they have done that have directly, and negatively, influenced our property.  No litigation, but we now have a matching drainage ditch on our side that has helped things and we're more aware of our mimosa tree (which hasn't really grown back since J's hack job last year, but I'm keeping an eye on it and trying to make sure it only overhangs our yard which, asthetically, is what I want it to do anyhow.)  The letter didn't help neighbor relations. 

B/G 2: We live in a city on a residential street that has houses on one side and a little walking trail on the other (so there are no houses across the street from us).  Residents can park on the side of the street where the houses are (the road is too narrow to allow for parking on both sides.) We aren't a permit parking zone and none of the houses on our street has a driveway or a garage, so if you have a car, it gets parallel parked on the street.  There aren't any designated spots for handicapped persons or anything similar, but for the most part people try to park as close to their home as possible.  DH and I own two cars and we try to keep them entirely within our property line (more out of our own convenience than anything else), which isn't hard to do.  J and R own one car that they typically park in front of their home where the sidewalk extends to the road.  Because our portion of the street is mostly single-family homes with small kids, it's rare that you can't find a parking spot.  There are certainly some occasions when someone is having visitors and we have had to park further away from our home.  Because you do not need a permit to park, we have never instructed visitors to park in a particular spot and have trusted that they will find something open either on our street or a neighboring one. 

A Saturday afternoon last October was one of those rare occasions where parking on our road was hard to come by.  J exploded when one of our friends parked a rental car in front of his home (we were not home at the time friend parked, friend was meeting BIL at our house and they carpooled to another location in BIL's car.  At the time of friend's arrival apparently the spot was the only open spot, although the parking dynamic changed later in the day.)  DH arrived home to find J on a rampage.  When the space in front of his property line opened up he had placed all of his trashcans, a wheelbarrow, concrete blocks and other debris in the road to block others from parking there.  He angrily demanded DH move the rental car.  DH explained what happened and that friend had the keys, but that we'd move the car ASAP when friend returned.  This was not good enough and J continued to scream at DH until DH went into our house.  DH called BIL and friend to see where they were and asked that they return soon to move the car.  When friend and BIL got to our porch, DH came out and was instructing friend where to park when all three heard J screaming from INSIDE his home.  J came out on his porch and began yelling at DH again, calling him a liar and rude and alleging that he could have moved the rental car.  Friend tried to explain that friend had the keys with him, but as going to move the car now.  (By this time R had returned home and DH's plan was to open up J and R's spot for her to park in.)  J screamed at friend that he was also a liar.  Friend left the porch to move his car.  J then continued to scream at DH.  J yelled that when he bought his home he "bought the street" and it was "his street" and no one but R is allowed to park there.  DH explained that was not true, which didn't help.  J then started using non-Ehell approved language, including yelling homophobic slurs at DH.  At that point, brief shouting match ensued until friend's car was moved and DH, friend and BIL went in the house.  According to our other neighbor A, who had come outside to see what was happening, J stood on the property line screaming slurs and curses for a few more minutes.   When I got home hours later, J was at his front door staring me down to see where I parked.  Later, we heard from friends who had attended our housewarming party 4 years ago that they had a nasty note on their car berating them for parking too close to the curb.  Apparently, J has had a parking issue for a long time, although this is the first we're discovering it as they had never said anything to us about our cars until this day. 

The question:  I have a milestone birthday coming up and would like to have an open house.  Of course, this will mean people parking on my street.   I'm torn about whether to ask our guests not to park in the 2-3 car length space in front of J's home to avoid a confrontation.  On one hand, I really don't want to risk engaging the crazy or have a party ruined by another outburst from J.  On the other hand, it's a public street.   (I wouldn't be asking the question if our street had any parking restrictions, legal, like a required permit, or etiquette-wise, like not blocking someone's garage or driveway).  First, I can't gurantee every visitor will listen to my suggestion, and second, I am vehemently against giving in to this man and lending credence to his issues.  In his head, I'm sure it will look like he has won. 

Any advice Ehellions?

TootsNYC:
I think perhaps you could approach R ahead of time and say, "I'm having a party, and I'm afraid people may park in front of your house before I can stop them. What if I get some of the yellow "caution" tape from Home Depot and use it and some trash cans--yours and mine--to block off that space? Maybe you can tell your husband what my plan is."

CAME BACK TO ADD:
You might check first whether blocking off parking in this way will case legal problems (cops giving a ticket, etc.).

Maybe a community affairs officer at the precinct can help you find that out.

Because you don't want to do this, and then the neighbor gets a ticket.

But you COULD approach the wife and say, "we're having a party, and I won't be able to tell people ahead of time not to park there, and I can't control them, and I don't want a repeat of that scene. So I'm giving you advance warning in case you want to do something ahead of time."


And, you can always put a note on the invitation, or e-mail people, to say "Please be kind to our next-door neighbors, and park a little bit farther away."

Or a sign on your own porch as people come in, to say, "Please don't park in front of the blue house next door--our neighbor gets crazy."

My ILs have a neighbor who is just like that. He gets p.o.'d when anybody parks in front of his house, whether he's parking there or not.

Merry Mrs Martin:
   I only vaguely recall the first thread but there is a lot of hostility from your neighbors?  I'd tell my guest " Were having some problems with neighbor and he'll a little aggressive about parking I'd appreciate it if you would park(how every is easiest to describe) to avoid any conflict with him"


You are right  , you can park in front of his house but you're  neighbor is hostile, irrational and aggressive. You can start this fight (park in front of his house and call the police when he starts yelling) it would be legal and I don't think it would be rude but it would not make for a fun party. Plus  vandalism may not be past him.

caterlaw:
Thanks for the replies.  There is a LOT of hostility, particularly since we sent the letter last fall.  Outside of the parking issue, the new "thing" is to run (literally) into their home when they see us outside.  They encourage their daughters (who appear terrified of DH and I) to sprint home if they see us in the front yard when they are coming out of the car or off the walking trial.  ("Girls.  RUN!" is urgently advised by J).  We have never done more than smile and say hello to their kids, and that was when we first moved in before things got out of control.  R is not friendly (even before the letter).  J seems very dominant and works from home, so there is no gurantee that J will open the door if I knock, that R will come to the door, or that she will speak with me if I encounter her by our cars.  For these reasons I am, unfortunately, trying to leave them out of it. 

I guess I am bothered by the thought that this guy thinks he can control a public street and then when he gets angry, he is rewarded by getting his way.  This SS attitude is a huge pet peeve of mine.  But because he seems to have deeper seeded issues, MMM is right, I don't think he's past vandalism...*sigh*

caterlaw:
Toots: good point on the roadblocking issue.  It is illegal to put things directly in the street (uncertain if we can put tape up on the sidewalk, but that would require asking J if we can put stakes in his yard.  Something tells me he'll say no... ::)

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