General Etiquette > Life...in general
You Lie and Lie and then you Cry UPDATE p.9
pierrotlunaire0:
There is another manager I work with who uses your approach to handle tears. It can be extremely effective. Katie has a sweet voice, and when she says, "I am a little concerned that you are so upset. Do you need a few moments? I really don't think you should leave right now because it would not be safe for you to drive." Crocodile tears dry right up, and even genuine tears will also, because there is a consequence to the crying: I will not listen to you.
It sounds as though your President has some hidden agenda and she is trying to get you to agree. I do feel that you should let the "lie" issue die. Instead focus on: It's hard for me to give you an answer because this is all so speculative. Can we make this a little more concrete so I have a better handle on the issue? I know, since we were just talking about him, let's use BM as an example.
BeagleMommy:
I'll admit it, I'm a crier. I cry when I'm happy, sad, angry, frustrated or in the midst of a good belly laught. However, I've never burst into tear over something like this. I think you did the right thing by saying "You're obviously upset. I'll call you back after you take some time.". I think that's called a diversionary tactic. The fact that she turned off the water works as quickly as they started seems fishy to me.
O'Dell:
I think way back in background 1 when she shared her concerns about coverage she was looking for some guidance. Maybe she didn't even know she was looking for guidance enough to *ask* for it. It sounds like the sort of thing (depending on exact wording) that should have been responded to.
And I wouldn't take the convoluted story about the HBM and BM and OBM as lies. Sounds to me like the 2 of you were not communicating at all well here. I asked her point blank about HBM and BM being the same person she said no. That might not have been a lie in her mind if she really was talking about HBM at that point. She seems to have had a hard time sorting through the issues and how to get them across to you.
But I don't think you are innocent here. You seem quick to jump to the conclusion that she lied. Why would she even do that here? Seems odd to me to assume that she was up to something nefarious when it seems that it wouldn't gain her anything. And then you suspect that her tears are a ploy. I'm sure some of your thinking was coming out in your voice. Then I can see how that would get her more frustrated and find it more difficult to get her point across clearly.
So a confused mess, in other words.
I agree that suggesting she take time to calm down before continuing was the right way to handle it. But I also think you need to take other suggestions here on how to improve your part in all this. Especially Toots advice to prove that she can trust you with all the info to begin with. Getting wound up by what you see as her lies actually reinforces her concern that you'd get upset with her coming to you with this stuff.
PastryGoddess:
Thank you all for your responses.
To those who ask, there is even more background, double digit amounts. To make a long story short she has a habit of using hypothetical occurrences when talking about specific people. For my part I have told her that as long as it is NOT gossip but in fact is information that would affect the group, I'm willing to listen and offer my feedback.
PastryGoddess:
Welp..I was confuzzled and now I'm dumfounded.
So we just had a late night conversation where I again apologized for making her cry and asked if everything was alright. She said yes so we moved on. I went ahead and let her take the lead since I obviously was not understanding what she was saying the last time.
She started out by first asking if it would be ok if she reprimanded OBM if they flaked on her. I was like ??? but I said of course it would be fine after all, she is president and she makes the rules. She then went back to the original BM who's email to her started this whole thing and started to repeat the HBM story again. I couldn't help myself and pointed out to her that I knew she was talking about BM...she said "how do you know about that? I haven't told anyone" I went ??? but reminded her that she told me this in our last conversation. She was adamant for 7 friggin minutes that she hadn't and this is something she would have never told anyone. I just said ok can we move on.
She then moved on by starting another HBM story, this time about "a" board members kids and personal life that they expected her to keep confidential. At that point I was done. I stopped her and said that she was gossiping about people's personal life and it was none of my business. I told her I would send a revised email based on the information I had from her that was non confrontational, but still made it clear that flaking out on a promise wasn't ok and then I hung up. It's like that other conversation never happened. :(
At least she didn't cry
I seriously want bunny foo-foo's at this point
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