Author Topic: I grew a spine and cancelled my date! Small update pg 2/post 24  (Read 10921 times)

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HorseFreak

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Thanks to all you wonderful people here I was able to strengthen my spine, go with my gut instinct and cancel the date I had scheduled this weekend!

To make a long story short, I had met the guy twice and he had my number for business reasons. A month after our last interaction he texted me asking if he could take me out for a meal. I was hesitant, couldn't remember him all that well, but said OK. We planned a lunch this Saturday and I thought all was well. [Cue ominous music]

The guy would not stop texting me all day every day. He asked to call me while I was at work, after work, all the time. I told him I'd prefer to take it slow and get to know each other during the date and I was extremely busy at work. He kept on texting and got more and more inappropriate for a man his age and laid on ridiculous compliments about how attractive I was. It seemed he was trying to figure out how to best get me drunk and in as little clothing as possible as fast as possible.

Last night he was texting me and kind of pushing the envelope. He TOLD me he was going to call in 10 minutes. I said no, I have a migraine. He asked me to send a picture and when I refused got overly complimentary about how there mustn't be any bad picture of me at all and why wouldn't I take one now? His picture revealed him to be MUCH older than I remembered and I got this horrible gut reaction like I had been punched that screamed "NO!" I haven't a clue why as he seemed OK, but all together I couldn't go forward.

I talked to an older male friend for advice on wording and politely, but firmly, cancelled the date. He apologized for offending me and asked me to reconsider. I declined, told him to stop contacting me and set his texts to silent. After a couple messages (nothing abusive or bad) he stopped texting.

It was really hard to do that. My mom was furious I didn't give the guy a chance and then dump him, but I figure that *was* his chance and he blew it. It's tough to be conditioned to be nice and accommodating your whole life and then stand up when something isn't right.
« Last Edit: June 10, 2012, 03:34:11 PM by HorseFreak »

alice

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #1 on: May 03, 2012, 11:32:12 AM »
sounds like you made a very good decision.

Reason

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2012, 11:50:44 AM »
You mean texting and calling with inappropriate comments everyday before an upcoming date is a bad idea? :)

Your mom is completely wrong on this one. He did have his chance and blew it with nuclear proportions.

MacadamiaNut

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2012, 11:53:50 AM »
You mean texting and calling with inappropriate comments everyday before an upcoming date is a bad idea? :)

Your mom is completely wrong on this one. He did have his chance and blew it with nuclear proportions.

Agreed - he totally blew it!  Glad you didn't give him another chance.
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LB

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2012, 11:55:10 AM »
Good for you! Sounds like the right decision to me.

weeblewobble

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2012, 11:57:50 AM »
You mean texting and calling with inappropriate comments everyday before an upcoming date is a bad idea? :)

Your mom is completely wrong on this one. He did have his chance and blew it with nuclear proportions.

Agreed. Your mom doesn't have the right to be furious.  It's none of her business. If she's so keen on him, she could go out with him.

Raintree

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2012, 12:47:11 PM »
If that was what he was like before the date, I can't imagine what he would be like ON the date and after. You absolutely did the right thing in cancelling.

Twik

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2012, 12:57:00 PM »
If she's so keen on him, she could go out with him.

Pod completely.
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Xandraea

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2012, 01:00:37 PM »
If that was what he was like before the date, I can't imagine what he would be like ON the date and after. You absolutely did the right thing in cancelling.

^^This, exactly. Gut reactions are not something to ignore! This guy sounds a bit crazy. Better that you've gotten out without letting it go further.

Judah

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2012, 01:15:50 PM »
My mom was furious I didn't give the guy a chance and then dump him, but I figure that *was* his chance and he blew it.

You are right, you did give him a chance, and look what he did with it. If he's like this before the date, imagine what he would be like after the date.  You did the right thing.
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Auntie Mame

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2012, 03:15:29 PM »
Green Goddess on a Cracker, I wanted a shower jusst reading about his behavior.  *shudder*  If you here a whirring by your ear, that's the sound of the bullet you just dodged.
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pierrotlunaire0

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #11 on: May 03, 2012, 03:18:43 PM »
Would your mother have been happier if you had been a victim of date rape?

Sorry, hyperbole on my part.  But that was MY gut reaction.  Yikes!
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JenJay

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2012, 03:21:35 PM »
Good grief! If that's how he acts while trying to woo you I can only imagine what you'd be subjected to during and after an actual date. Bullet dodged!!

cicero

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #13 on: May 03, 2012, 03:32:48 PM »
creepy!

good for you for listening to your gut.

How many times do we ignore our gut feeling and we are always sorry! that gut feeling is there for a reason.

sorry your mother wasn't more supportive. but you did the absolute right thing.

Thanks to all you wonderful people here I was able to strengthen my spine, go with my gut instinct and cancel the date I had scheduled this weekend!

To make a long story short, I had met the guy twice and he had my number for business reasons. A month after our last interaction he texted me asking if he could take me out for a meal. I was hesitant, couldn't remember him all that well, but said OK. We planned a lunch this Saturday and I thought all was well. [Cue ominous music]

The guy would not stop texting me all day every day. He asked to call me while I was at work, after work, all the time. I told him I'd prefer to take it slow and get to know each other during the date and I was extremely busy at work. He kept on texting and got more and more inappropriate for a man his age and laid on ridiculous compliments about how attractive I was. It seemed he was trying to figure out how to best get me drunk and in as little clothing as possible as fast as possible.

Last night he was texting me and kind of pushing the envelope. He TOLD me he was going to call in 10 minutes. I said no, I have a migraine. He asked me to send a picture and when I refused got overly complimentary about how there mustn't be any bad picture of me at all and why wouldn't I take one now? His picture revealed him to be MUCH older than I remembered and I got this horrible gut reaction like I had been punched that screamed "NO!" I haven't a clue why as he seemed OK, but all together I couldn't go forward.

I talked to an older male friend for advice on wording and politely, but firmly, cancelled the date. He apologized for offending me and asked me to reconsider. I declined, told him to stop contacting me and set his texts to silent. After a couple messages (nothing abusive or bad) he stopped texting.

It was really hard to do that. My mom was furious I didn't give the guy a chance and then dump him, but I figure that *was* his chance and he blew it. It's tough to be conditioned to be nice and accommodating your whole life and then stand up when something isn't right.

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Winterlight

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Re: I grew a spine and cancelled my date!
« Reply #14 on: May 03, 2012, 03:40:57 PM »
If that was what he was like before the date, I can't imagine what he would be like ON the date and after. You absolutely did the right thing in cancelling.

Exactly. If he's managed to creep you out this badly so early on, I can't see him calming down and mellowing out any time soon.
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Of whom you speak,
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