General Etiquette > All In A Day's Work
Changing How You Interact With Reality Challenged Patrons Post Script #29
Oxymoroness:
From my own adventures in crazy land what works best for me is very firm boundaries and firmer enforcement of them. Making up excuses only challenges Ninja and her ilk to find ways to run around them.
So be direct. And be very clear. So give her two minutes and then at the end of it say, "Ninja I have to stop talking to you now and I have to get back to work. For the rest of the day I can only help you with finding books."
Then when she tries to engage you again just respond with, "do you need help finding a book?" if it's yes, direct her. If its no, walk away or turn your back to her and do your work. She'll escalate at first, but eventually she'll get the message and back off.
Good luck!
pierrotlunaire0:
Years ago, I worked in a mental health program. I got in the habit of firmly interrupting, "I'm aorry, but I can't talk to you right now." Oxymoroness has a good idea of giving them 2 minutes, then cutting it off.
I also learned that I could even firmly say, "That is your illness talking right now, and I am not going to respond to it." However, in the setting I was in, the consumers knew that was the culture of the setting, and we would confront them when their illness came to the forefront, so that might not work as well in your setting.
bopper:
Can you say something like "Do you have something I need to do for you? Otherwise you need to go sit down quietly and read."
You are giving them something TO do. Not NOT TO do.
dawbs:
I've found that the 'oh, let me help' can be the worst--especially since they're often desperate for attention and trying SOOO hard.
But I've also found a gentle "no, it would be unprofessional for me to have you do that/for you to do that/for me to do that" works. as does "I'm afraid this discussion is unprofessional for ths setting". And can be repeated word for word.
weeblewobble:
May I suggest the double-tap? It's the only way to make sure the zombies don't come back.
Just kidding. I used to work in a church office and that can attract crazy people who believe that because you're a church, you HAVE TO be nice to them. (and to a certain extent, they're right.) We had a guy who kept asking us if he could sleep in the church basement, because it was some sort of "good" coordinate on the energy grid. We had the guy who believed that because our (several very angry words to describe a self-righteous, know-it-all boundary breaker) former secretary gave him cash after the pastor told her not to, that constituted some sort of verbal contract that meant we had to give him money out of our purses whenever he needed it. That made for some interesting walks out to our cars at the end of the day.
Since I was usually the only person in the church office, I learned to extricate myself from conversations by saying, "I'm so sorry, there's something that needs my attention in (another part of the building), can I walk you out?" Basically any excuse for me to leave the immediate area. And sorry, it was against church policy for them to accompany me.
I know this sounds mean and cold. But putting up with personalities like this is a drain on your emotional resources. In the long-term, it's a drain on your physical and emotional health. You have to protect yourself. No amount of help from you is going to change the way they see the world. And any energy you put toward them is like throwing time and emotions down a black hole.
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