Author Topic: Returning duplicate gift  (Read 2846 times)

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jem813

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Returning duplicate gift
« on: May 05, 2012, 01:52:07 AM »
My brother and I had the same idea...to give my elderly Dad, who often gets the days confused, a watch with he day on it.   I live 3000 miles away and my brother lives 30 min away so having the geographical advantage my brother strapped the Timex he bought him on immediately and my watch got essentially forgotten.  My Dad didn't even realize he received mine, somehow.

I asked my brother where the watch was that I gave my Dad was, and he told me, and then in the same text he asked me if the housecleaner had given my Dad the watch and my, it seemed so "bulky".  How is it my brother knows exactly what I'm talking about yet plays dumb in order to get in a jab?

I just sent him a quick OK, thanks for the info, and made the awkward call to my father offering to return mine if he didn't think he was going to use it.  I'm still not sure he has any idea what I'm talking about but I got his caretaker to Fedex it back to me since I'd rather send my Dad $600 worth of something my brother won't feel outdone by, like some nice shirts and sweaters.  I asked my Dad if he would like some other gifts that I would love to give him and he said "Yes, sounds good".  I'm still not sure he quite gets it but not sure what else to do...I want to give him something he will be allowed to enjoy!   WWYD???

Jem


Kaypeep

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Re: Returning duplicate gift
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2012, 09:20:27 AM »
If you feel your brother is in competition with you, then speak to the caregiver or someone else who sees your dad regularly and get their input.  Maybe your dad likes to go to the movies.  You could send gift cards for trips to the movies, or for audiobooks or DVDs.  Maybe he would like ot see you in person and you could fly him to visit you (and his caregiver, too) or you could visit him.  I've found with older folks, they pretty much have everything they need so buying expensive trinkets is sometimes futile.  Experiences and visits are what they usually prefer most.

jmarvellous

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Re: Returning duplicate gift
« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2012, 10:05:38 AM »
I'm honestly not sure what you're looking for here, but my only advice on the situation as I understand it is to work on communication with your brother.

jem813

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Re: Returning duplicate gift
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2012, 07:44:16 PM »
Thanks for the input.  My Dad actually doesn't have much since the house burned down a few years ago, but movies are a great suggestion.  We visit regularly so that would seem odd for that to now be a gift!!  My issue is more dealing with my brother.  If he's going to be competitive about such petty things I worry about the big things, like selling the house when it comes time and making sure my Dad is OK.

My brother sporadically responds to my emails and texts, usually only when it involves money (I'm Power of Attorney for Dad).  Won't answer his cell.

But that's a whole nother board I guess...it seems how I handled it was not too objectionable according to your replies, thanks.   Felt weird having that conversation.