I’ve posted about my etiquette-challenged friend before and think I may have finally come to the end of my rope with her. I do however, need some perspective and advice as to how to continue in the future.
I once again made the mistake of traveling with this friend (let’s call her Kay) even though there were recent issues with her on a trip a few months ago. (http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=113717.msg2645758#msg2645758
) This was a short 3-day trip that also involved Kay’s sister, Karen who met us at the destination.
Most of Kay’s issues revolve around food, as in hoarding it, mooching it and having a skewed perspective of what constitutes a meal. Some of this may be approaching the level of a psychological condition and is probably beyond the scope of this forum. I’ll just relate the 2 most egregious incidents on the trip (one involves food, the other doesn’t) although there were many other snide comments and slights the whole time.Incident 1:
I wanted to go to a certain grocery store in Destination City because a co-worker told me that there were different flavors of an item that I like available there. Kay, Karen and I go to the store and I pick up 10 of the items I want.
As Karen and I are scanning the 10 items at the self-checkout, Kay walks up with a bag of chips and scans those onto my bill as well. This is a very common MO for her - to get people to buy things for her and then conveniently “forget” to pay them back. I said “Oh, am I buying chips for you?” Her response was an indignant, “Well we can ALL share them!” I said, “That still doesn’t take away from the fact that I am the one buying them.” She had no response.
No one saw the chips for the rest of the trip as they got stashed (hoarded) in the trunk of her car. When we got back to the hotel, Kay saw me putting my items in the car and said, “Are you not going to bring those to the room to share with the rest of us??” I simply stared and continued what I was doing.Incident 2:
Karen was in a gift shop buying souvenirs for her children. As Karen was checking out, Kay puts a book (~$20) on the counter and says “Buy this for me. I didn’t bring in any money.” (Are you seeing a pattern here?) Never mind that her car with purse, cash and credit cards was only 50 feet away in the parking lot.
The next day, after Karen had left, Kay dismissively says, “Oh I forgot to pay Karen for the book! Oh well.” If current behavior holds true, Karen will never see the payment.
The perspective I need is in regard to these kinds of recurring incidents. Much like the Drink Moocher thread, this moocher needs to be shut down. Usually when someone objects to her antics she turns the situation around to how ungenerous the objector is and how virtuous she is for sharing everything she has. Our group of friends has at least gotten to the point of asking for separate checks in restaurants whenever Kay is there to stop her mooching by not paying her fair share of the bill.
I don’t know if I’m making a mountain out of a molehill or if we have finally gotten to the straw that broke the camel’s back. Throughout all of this, Karen said nothing but I wonder if she was just observing silently. Another mutual friend, Cathy, has simply cut Kay off from mooching and refuses to travel with her anymore. I think I may need to do the same.