"Feel Better" ...or not

[kitchcat]

I'm not sure if this belongs under techno-quette or here because it involves an email, but I think the larger issue doens't really pertain to tech.

About two weeks ago, I got really suddenly sick with some sort of flue-like bug that was going around my university. The timing was horrible: my last week of classes (and before finals).

BG: I have taken classes with Prof. A before because she's a faculty in the department I'm majoring in. We clearly have our differences of opinion relating to the subject (which is a very subjective course of study), but there has never been any sort of strife. I think we are just both aware that we probably won't agree and we (or at least I) respect that. Also, not that up until this incident I had not missed a single day of class or even arrived late.

One of my classes (class A taught by Prof. A) had a final "discussion" scheduled for the last class. Basically we were supposed to evaluate each others' work overall throughout the course and see how we all progressed. There is not a specific grade attached to this event, but it is an important part of the class. We also  had the option of handing in our final project, *although it was not officially due until the following week.*

Well, the day of my last class, I was in no place to even get out of bed. I had a fever, coughing like crazy, nose like a faucet, and more unpleasant details. I emailed my the professors of my two classes that day to let them know I would be abscent and that I was very sorry to miss class. Since I had projects to turn in for both classes, I asked if I could drop off the projects at their office in a day or two when I was better.

Prof. B responded, "I'm sorry you won't be able to attend. You can drop off your project at my office. Feel better!" All good.

Prof. A replied:
"Kitchcat, you do realize this is the final class. If it is not serious, I suggest you not skip class." That was the entire email.
This put me off for several reasons.
1) She seemed to suggest I was not really sick and just decided to "skip" class.
2) The overall harsh tone was not really needed. I have be an A student, perfect attendance, and polite.
3) She ignored my question about when to turn in my project.

I responded:
"Unfortunately I really am quite ill and have a fever. I must have caught that bug Prof. B was talking about. Not only do I not feel well enough to attend, I do not want to risk spreading it to other students right before finals. I apologize for missing class. Could you please let me know where to turn in my project?

Prof. A replied, "Leave it in the classroom." ENTIRE EMAIL.

I felt very upset by this. I understand she was upset, but I really was sick. I had to miss Prof. B's class too. Not only that, there was no "feel better" or "get well soon" at all. It seemed like she didn't give a flying feather if I was ill. 

My question: Is it rude not to say "feel better" or something to that extent to a sick person? Was she rude, or does the professor-studnet relationship give her a pass?

[Clareish]

I say this as a fellow university student, so take my opinion for what you paid for  , but profs have different styles for email. Generally, the profs I have had receive and send many emails and they go for quick and to the point. They are not your friend, they are not looking to comfort you. It's nice when it happens, but it really is not necessary.

Also, keep in mind that MANY people skip the last class. Particularly if there are no real marks involved. She has probably received many emails like yours, and is just making sure you realize that she feels it is important for you to be there. Again, no offense was probably meant, but I know that many profs get frustrated with levels of attendance in the last week (or weeks!). I had one prof who gave us all bonus marks on the upcoming exam for simply showing up to the last class. About half the class was not there.

So... while abrupt, not rude and a little understandable. 

[TootsNYC]

I think that these are fine--some people don't write long e-mails, and they focus only on what they need to say.

I understand it feels abrupt, and I also get that you feel Prof A implied that you were either a slacker or a wimp.

[bopper]

I don't think Prof A was rude...she was strictly professional.  Strictly.
Also I don't have a problem with her trying to get you to come if possible...it will be  difficult to make up that last class.
I do this with my kids...sometimes they wake up and tell me they don't feel good (not with fevers ...if I can talk them into going to school then I figure it wasn't so bad and if I can't then they must be sick).  But in your case you didn't say you had the flu, just that you wouldn't be there so the professor didn't know. Remember although YOU know you have the flu and are miserable and YOU know that you have perfect attendance the professor may not know that off the top of her had.

That said, Professor was definitely more friendly.

[Roe]

I do believe it boils down to different styles.

My DH often says that I'm "blunt."  When I ask him, "am I rude? Is my tone okay?"  He will often concede that I'm not rude, just blunt. 

But when I speak to someone in a professional capacity, I'm not their friend and I'm not trying to be.  I'm trying to gather or relay pertinent information and that's how I see it.  I try very hard never to be rude and I'm esp conscious of it due to my DH's observations but I just don't have the time nor inclination to be all sugary sweet and take 10 minutes when a particular conversation can take 2 minutes.  Though, in email, to read tone is really hard so I often find myself adding either a "smiley" or in your case, I probably would've added a "Feel better." But beyond that, nope, not much else.

[fountainof]

I don't think it is rude not to say "feel better" generally.  If one were in the hospital it might be uncharitable not to say "get well" but with a flu I don't think it is needed.

I think the prof's tone was blunt but she probably gets a lot of people who try to turn in things late due to illness.  I do think that baring being hospitalized the due date is the due date.  If you can drag yourself to drop it off or have someone else do so that is necessary.

[Clair Seulement]

I think your professor is a...

"rude e-mailer." The question IMHO is not whether she should have said "feel better"--*she should have answered your question and not treated you like a toddler.* I'm sorry, I consider it the very heighth of techniquette violation to passive-aggressively not answer people in an e-mail. It shows complete lack of respect for your time. She still hasn't answered you because you asked her *when* to drop it off.

[LadyL]

BG: I have taken classes with Prof. A before because she's a faculty in the department I'm majoring in. We clearly have our differences of opinion relating to the subject (which is a very subjective course of study), but there has never been any sort of strife. I think we are just both aware that we probably won't agree and we (or at least I) respect that. Also, not that up until this incident I had not missed a single day of class or even arrived late.

One of my classes (class A taught by Prof. A) had a final "discussion" scheduled for the last class. Basically we were supposed to evaluate each others' work overall throughout the course and see how we all progressed. There is not a specific grade attached to this event, but it is an important part of the class. We also  had the option of handing in our final project, *although it was not officially due until the following week.*

Well, the day of my last class, I was in no place to even get out of bed. I had a fever, coughing like crazy, nose like a faucet, and more unpleasant details. I emailed my the professors of my two classes that day to let them know I would be abscent and that I was very sorry to miss class. Since I had projects to turn in for both classes, I asked if I could drop off the projects at their office in a day or two when I was better.

Prof. A replied:
"Kitchcat, you do realize this is the final class. If it is not serious, I suggest you not skip class." That was the entire email.

Most of my students don't email at all if they are out sick. For a student who is as conscientious as you sound like you are, I would not send an email this...direct. But it sounds like it's just that professor's style, not necessarily anything personal - and if it *is* meant to be a somewhat snarky reply, that still doesn't mean it's personal. Professors run the gamut of personalities, some are kind of grumpy, especially over email. It's also a stressful time in the semester.

In my department, the culture is that if someone goes out of their way to let you know they will be out due to illness, you at least say "get well soon." Apparently that's not the norm everywhere. But I, personally, believe it to be a reasonable and civil thing to do, and always respond as such with my students.

[KarenK]

I think your professor is a...

"rude e-mailer." The question IMHO is not whether she should have said "feel better"--*she should have answered your question and not treated you like a toddler.* I'm sorry, I consider it the very heighth of techniquette violation to passive-aggressively not answer people in an e-mail. It shows complete lack of respect for your time. She still hasn't answered you because you asked her *when* to drop it off.

I agree. She still hasn't answered your question. Are you supposed to just toss your paper into a classroom any old time, regardless if others will be using it? It almost sounded like she was still expecting you to come to class, i.e., turn it in at class like everyone else.

[O'Dell]

My question: Is it rude not to say "feel better" or something to that extent to a sick person? Was she rude, or does the professor-studnet relationship give her a pass?

I don't know of any etiquette rule that says a person "must" say "get well" or "feel better". It's nice to say, it promotes good feelings, but there is no obligation to say it.

I agree with Claire that your prof is rude and unprofessional for not answering your actual question---unless "Leave it in the classroom" actually is a legitimate option.