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Author Topic: I didn't realize you wanted that to go.  (Read 10868 times)

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Two Ravens

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Re: I didn't realize you wanted that to go.
« Reply #30 on: May 14, 2012, 01:36:51 PM »
I wouldn't care. Its a Coke. Life is too short to worry about whether or not other people are drinking their drinks. Maybe he didn't open the can becasue he was too busy chatting with the OP -his friend - but was still thirsty so picked it up and took it with him when he left. I am really at a loss as to why this would upset people to the point of "refusing to hand him an unopened can ever again".

I agree. This wouldn't bother me at all. But if the OP considers Felix a moocher, then maybe she should just stop offering things.

Would it still be awful if Felix had said, "I don't need a soda right now, but would you mind if I took one with me? I have a long drive home."?

Ceallach

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Re: I didn't realize you wanted that to go.
« Reply #31 on: May 14, 2012, 05:23:23 PM »
I wouldn't care. Its a Coke. Life is too short to worry about whether or not other people are drinking their drinks. Maybe he didn't open the can becasue he was too busy chatting with the OP -his friend - but was still thirsty so picked it up and took it with him when he left. I am really at a loss as to why this would upset people to the point of "refusing to hand him an unopened can ever again".

I agree. This wouldn't bother me at all. But if the OP considers Felix a moocher, then maybe she should just stop offering things.

Would it still be awful if Felix had said, "I don't need a soda right now, but would you mind if I took one with me? I have a long drive home."?


Nope, in a friendship situation I think it's completely ok to ask that.  (Unless it were every single visit! In which case it's clearly poor planning and presumption on the part of the guest). 
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


jpcher

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Re: I didn't realize you wanted that to go.
« Reply #32 on: May 14, 2012, 05:51:20 PM »
I agree with your mother.

In the grand scheme of life what's the point of shaking your head over a can of coke?

Because it's rarely just a can of Coke. Nothing exists in a vacuum. As MissNomer said in her followup, this bothered her because it's part of an ongoing issue with her friend's mooching. I certainly don't think this is the place she should take a dramatic stand and scream "No more Coke for you!", but I understand the annoyance you can feel after just one more minor incident in a long line of them. It's a straw that broke the camel's back situation, though it doesn't actually sound as severe and irrevocable as that saying usually indicates.

MissNomer, I go with those who say next time serve him his Coke in a glass, or at least open the can for him. I don't think it's petty, but even if it is, so what?

Sorry, I somehow missed MissNomers update . . .

In that case I agree the best thing to do would be to serve the beverage in a glass. Simply because the can of coke bothers OP. It's a great suggestion.


However:

As far as the leftovers . . . I really hope he didn't actually stop by later to pick them up. Please say it isn't so, MissNomers. Please say you cut him off at the pass.

Along with the leftovers and candy . . . at least he's asking, at which point it's up to the OP to respond.

I'm not giving Felix a full-on pass, but I don't think that he's overly rude. Maybe a tad oblivious, but that's up to the OP to decide whether she wants to put up with him, try to control the situations, or simply say enough is enough.


Examples:

Felix (on his way out with the can of coke): It was great chatting with you. See you later!

OP: Yeah, thanks for stopping by . . . here, let me put that coke back in the fridge so it will be cold for you the next time you stop by.

(See . . . whether he's a mooch or not, 1 can of coke is still small beans to me. :-\ OP said about Felix that "He's a really nice guy, generous to a fault, but he does have a bad habit of just assuming he gets to have things" . . .)



Felix: I'll stop by later for my leftovers.

OP: LOL! The leftovers are my lunch for the next week. I'm so glad you enjoyed the food, but you're not getting any leftovers! You big goofball you! LOL!



OP: It was my birthday and So-n-so gave me a wonderful gift of chocolates.

Felix: Oh, man! I love that brand of chocolate. Can I have some?

OP: LOL! Sorry, not this time . . . that's my favorite and I'm going to enjoy every bite of it.


He didn't take it upon himself to open the box of chocolate or pack his own leftovers. That, to me, would be serious mooching. And I would have been extremely miffed.



OP -- I'd like to hear how you handled these situations.

Is Felix an important friend to you? You described him as being "generous to a fault." Has he ever helped you out in any way? Maybe he's just going about pay-back in the wrong way . . . assuming that he can take the can of coke which you offered instead of asking if it was ok.



Don't know. :-\  I'm not convinced that Felix is a mooch. Need more in-depth BG.

anonymousmac

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Re: I didn't realize you wanted that to go.
« Reply #33 on: May 14, 2012, 07:38:48 PM »
I don't think the problem is that the OP begrudges the cost of one can of coke.  I think the problem is that the guest taking the can home with him transforms the situation from (1) offering a guest hospitality in your home, to (2) buying the guest's groceries.

As a host, I want my guests to enjoy themselves at my home, to have something to eat and drink that they enjoy as we enjoy each others' company.

When a guest takes something that I've provided out of hospitality, and just kind of grabs it up to take home with them instead, it makes me feel like they think I'm some kind of business or restaurant.  Instead of sharing an experience with me, they're saying "Hey, free food!" and walking away.

I'd much rather have a guest who, say, scarfs down the entire plate of cheese and crackers that I put out, than someone who pulls a tupperware out of their purse and scoops up just a few pieces for later.  It's not the amount I begrudge, it's the way they treat me and what I provide.

MissNomer

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Re: I didn't realize you wanted that to go.
« Reply #34 on: May 14, 2012, 10:20:43 PM »
I don't think the problem is that the OP begrudges the cost of one can of coke.  I think the problem is that the guest taking the can home with him transforms the situation from (1) offering a guest hospitality in your home, to (2) buying the guest's groceries.

As a host, I want my guests to enjoy themselves at my home, to have something to eat and drink that they enjoy as we enjoy each others' company.

When a guest takes something that I've provided out of hospitality, and just kind of grabs it up to take home with them instead, it makes me feel like they think I'm some kind of business or restaurant.  Instead of sharing an experience with me, they're saying "Hey, free food!" and walking away.

I'd much rather have a guest who, say, scarfs down the entire plate of cheese and crackers that I put out, than someone who pulls a tupperware out of their purse and scoops up just a few pieces for later.  It's not the amount I begrudge, it's the way they treat me and what I provide.

Yes, this is exactly why it rubbed me the wrong way. Thank you for putting it so eloquently.

As for jpcher's questions: No, he did not get my leftovers.  :) I think I staggered a bit for something to say when he asked for the leftovers, but I did manage to get out that I had plans for them the rest of the week. And I do say something like "Nope, these chocolates have a date...in my belly!" or somesuch in a joking manner.

As for Felix he's not so much a mooch as he is...kind of unaware that money isn't infinite and thus there's a limit as to how much stuff one can have. He's been lucky enough to come from a very privileged background. We're both in our late twenties but whereas I am responsible for my own finances, if he ever runs out of money his parents just... give him more money. Intellectually he knows not everyone's family functions like that but I think it's not something he actively thinks about. So while this state of mind leads to him asking for my leftovers or chocolate or whatever, he's also inclined to buy me an entire DVD set of something for me "just because he saw it and I had mentioned wanting it". He also regularly pays for people's food at restaurants and stuff when they can't afford to go out just so he can have the pleasure of their company. So yeah, while his behaviour gets on my nerves sometimes, he's a really sweet guy.

I do think I'll be serving him from a glass in the future, just for my own sanity.

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NyaChan

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Re: I didn't realize you wanted that to go.
« Reply #35 on: May 15, 2012, 10:32:54 AM »
I don't think the problem is that the OP begrudges the cost of one can of coke.  I think the problem is that the guest taking the can home with him transforms the situation from (1) offering a guest hospitality in your home, to (2) buying the guest's groceries.

As a host, I want my guests to enjoy themselves at my home, to have something to eat and drink that they enjoy as we enjoy each others' company.

When a guest takes something that I've provided out of hospitality, and just kind of grabs it up to take home with them instead, it makes me feel like they think I'm some kind of business or restaurant.  Instead of sharing an experience with me, they're saying "Hey, free food!" and walking away.


I'd much rather have a guest who, say, scarfs down the entire plate of cheese and crackers that I put out, than someone who pulls a tupperware out of their purse and scoops up just a few pieces for later.  It's not the amount I begrudge, it's the way they treat me and what I provide.

That's it! That's what I've been thinking of for this thread and others that are similar but couldn't put to words  :D haha thanks!

Ceallach

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Re: I didn't realize you wanted that to go.
« Reply #36 on: May 15, 2012, 08:20:43 PM »
OP, with your update I'm doing a bit of a 180 on this.   I think he sounds like an extremely generous person, and there's no way I'd begrudge him a can of coke!   Different if he were a moocher, but this:

"he's also inclined to buy me an entire DVD set of something for me "just because he saw it and I had mentioned wanting it". He also regularly pays for people's food at restaurants and stuff when they can't afford to go out just so he can have the pleasure of their company."

That's a good friend.   A close enough friend to perhaps take his coke to go after all.   :)   In a close, friendly, casual relationship it's not really a huge deal.   
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"