Update 55,94,96,119-122 - No, I don't want to e-mail chat with you

[EmmaJ.]

Yes!! Ignore!!

[BeagleMommy]

If she was calling for work-related things why didn't she say that in her message on your phone?  If I recall it was always more along the lines of "where are you" not "I have a question about project".

Ignore any personal emails from her.  If you absolutely must respond keep it short and without detail.  Ex:  "Danielle, I will not be chatting with you.  If you have work-related questions you can email me.  Otherwise, I will ignore your personal emails."

You are not responsible for her happiness.

[Clair Seulement]

POD, please ignore it! Your last e-mail was very firm and nice, although IMHO it's kind of "engaging the crazy" to offer specific details as to why you cannot sacrifice at someone's becks and calls right this minute, or yesterday or what have you--lo and behold, she writes back this irritating reply, essentially trying to turn this into a neediness p*ssing contest. Girl's kinda got some issues that you can't be responsible for (at work no less!!!). Good luck...

[bopper]

Ignore (don't reply to) any emails that are not work relaated. If they are a mix of work and non work, just answer the work part.
If she calls, answer it, and if she doesn't start with a work related question then just say "Sorry, I don't have time to chat. Did you have a work question?"

[EMuir]

The PMS card... that's sad. It is not your job to entertain her at work!!!

[s]

Thank you again everyone for all your replies and advice.  I have not replied to that e-mail and she has not called or e-mailed to bother me.  Surprising because knowing her I'm sure she's dying for a response to her emotionally charged e-mail. 

There is no way I will ever answer the phone if she calls.  I think that would make it easier for her to rope me in with the physical sound of her voice.  In the past when I've been on the phone with her I would try to end the call numerous times and she'd sound like she was going to end it too and then she'd just start up again on another tangent.  I think it's just easier to not deal with her on the phone at all (and especially not now since she's obviously emotional).  And in my opinion, I think she was lying when she said when she's tried to call that it was work related to try and trick me into answering the phone in the future.

Also, since we're both new to this project I can't really answer questions she might have.  She needs to bring those to more senior people on the project.  I could only answer questions about simple things we should know and so in that case she should just know those basic things and not need me to "remind" her. 

[s]

The PMS card... that's sad. It is not your job to entertain her at work!!!

Yeah, she tends to use that one a lot.  She's just always like that, doesn't matter if it's that time or not.  And I really don't believe in PMS either so if she's trying to gain sympathy because she's "PMSing" that's not going to work...

[weeblewobble]

How do I respond to that e-mail?  Or do I just ignore it?   

Ignore it.  You've made your statement.  She's trying to set terms. "Chat with me once a week and I'll be happy."  It sounds like a ransom note.  As in, "OK, I hear you, but here's my counteroffer." You aren't in the business of keeping her happy or protecting her from getting upset.  You're in the business of keeping your job.  Her list of excuses is pathetic and I think we can agree that when she calls you, it's not for business reasons.  If it's super important, she can leave a message.

[weeblewobble]

PS.  Seriously, how can she not connect "Other people are getting laid off" with "Maybe I should stop trying so hard to force coworkers into socializing with me and do some dang work!"

[LeveeWoman]

PS.  Seriously, how can she not connect "Other people are getting laid off" with "Maybe I should stop trying so hard to force coworkers into socializing with me and do some dang work!"

She seems to be one of the densest people on the planet.

[Twik]

Lol at her reply:

I just talk to you about work. Oh, and I'm sad, and I want to know about your car, and please keep talking to me. But I only bother you if it's work related.

[Midnight Kitty]

saiyangerl - IMHO, you are feeding into her drama.  Your email to her showed you are still oversharing your personal problems in the workplace.  If you want her to stop, you have to stop too.  Stop "opening the door" for her by bringing up personal topics.  I can see where she sees this as an invitation to comment on your life, then refocus on her life and her happiness.

[Pippen]

saiyangerl - IMHO, you are feeding into her drama.  Your email to her showed you are still oversharing your personal problems in the workplace.  If you want her to stop, you have to stop too.  Stop "opening the door" for her by bringing up personal topics.  I can see where she sees this as an invitation to comment on your life, then refocus on her life and her happiness.

I agree. The email you sent her gave her too many options or hooks to get back in. You gave her all the information she needed to come up with alternatives. It has enabled her to determine the standards with her now telling you what she requires from you. Ignore her and if she keeps pestering you, you need to go back hard. "Danielle, I will not be engaging in any non work related chit chat."

[Roe]

saiyangerl - IMHO, you are feeding into her drama.  Your email to her showed you are still oversharing your personal problems in the workplace.  If you want her to stop, you have to stop too.  Stop "opening the door" for her by bringing up personal topics.  I can see where she sees this as an invitation to comment on your life, then refocus on her life and her happiness.

Yep.  You basically "engaged the crazy."

Ignore, ignore, ignore.  And if you do have to answer, be short (VERY short).

[s]

saiyangerl - IMHO, you are feeding into her drama.  Your email to her showed you are still oversharing your personal problems in the workplace.  If you want her to stop, you have to stop too.  Stop "opening the door" for her by bringing up personal topics.  I can see where she sees this as an invitation to comment on your life, then refocus on her life and her happiness.

Yep.  You basically "engaged the crazy."

Ignore, ignore, ignore.  And if you do have to answer, be short (VERY short).

I am trying!  I didn't respond to her e-mail at all today and she did not try to bug me.  We'll see what happens tomorrow.  Tomorrow is another day.  I've been dealing with this woman for 3 years! 3 looong years...

I just have to say Roe, that I've read most of your K'nnihave stories and you are my hero!  I know I don't post often but I've been a long time lurker and I think those were the best stories on this forum I have ever read!  I'm sorry you had to go through all that though.  Does Danielle get an epic nickname like K'nnihave?