Update 55,94,96,119-122 - No, I don't want to e-mail chat with you

[s]

OP, do NOT respond to the email.  You told us earlier that you wanted any conversation with her to be work related - stick to your guns!  If you respond to this email, with only personal stuff, you  are showing her that you will eventually give in.  Be strong and hold the line!

Thanks    I keep telling myself to listen to ehellions because it worked for Roe and Stranger!

I wouldn't mind chatting if she wasn't harrassing me to answer her right away... sadly that is not the case...

[rain]

OP, do NOT respond to the email.  You told us earlier that you wanted any conversation with her to be work related - stick to your guns!  If you respond to this email, with only personal stuff, you  are showing her that you will eventually give in.  Be strong and hold the line!

Thanks    I keep telling myself to listen to ehellions because it worked for Roe and Stranger!

I wouldn't mind chatting if she wasn't harrassing me to answer her right away... sadly that is not the case...

She's NOT going to change - you have to change the way you respond to her.
DON'T respond, period - otherwise you'll be right back where you started.

[GrammarNerd]

IF you don't mind her contacting you on facebook, you could send her a very short FB message and answer some of her questions, just so she gets a response (the reward for leaving you alone for two weeks).  But at the same time, you'll be modeling the desired behavior of keeping non-work-related topics in a non-work setting (facebook).  And you're not helping her to get through her WORK day...you're keeping the personal chat for personal time.

How about something like:
"Danielle,
I saw your message that you sent me at work, so I wanted to get back to you when I wasn't working.  Cars are fixed, thank goodness!  Glad you had a nice holiday weekend.  School will be done soon, so that will be a relief.
Take care,
S."

One of my FB friends got a bug up her behind for a while where she'd have a question for me, and she'd post it on my wall rather than send me a message.  Geez, if you have a specific question, put it in a message, not on my wall!  So I'd delete it from my wall and respond to her in a FB message (which is where IMO, it should have been in the first place).  She hasn't tried lately, so hopefully she got the hint.

[Jones]

IF you don't mind her contacting you on facebook, you could send her a very short FB message and answer some of her questions, just so she gets a response (the reward for leaving you alone for two weeks).  But at the same time, you'll be modeling the desired behavior of keeping non-work-related topics in a non-work setting (facebook).  And you're not helping her to get through her WORK day...you're keeping the personal chat for personal time.

How about something like:
"Danielle,
I saw your message that you sent me at work, so I wanted to get back to you when I wasn't working.  Cars are fixed, thank goodness!  Glad you had a nice holiday weekend.  School will be done soon, so that will be a relief.
Take care,
S."

I like this!

[s]

IF you don't mind her contacting you on facebook, you could send her a very short FB message and answer some of her questions, just so she gets a response (the reward for leaving you alone for two weeks).  But at the same time, you'll be modeling the desired behavior of keeping non-work-related topics in a non-work setting (facebook).  And you're not helping her to get through her WORK day...you're keeping the personal chat for personal time.

How about something like:
"Danielle,
I saw your message that you sent me at work, so I wanted to get back to you when I wasn't working.  Cars are fixed, thank goodness!  Glad you had a nice holiday weekend.  School will be done soon, so that will be a relief.
Take care,
S."

I like this!

I think I will try this!  Thanks!   

[artk2002]

I really would recommend against contacting her via FB. This is someone who doesn't understand boundaries and most likely doesn't understand the difference between work and personal life. My prediction: If you contact her on FB, she'll begin bombarding you at work, just as before.

I hope I'm wrong.

[weeblewobble]

You've closed a door.  Responding to her on facebook would be opening a window and inviting her to bombard you from another direction.  NO RESPONSE.

[Steve]

If you want to be friends with this lady personally, by all means, contact her through facebook. But if you do not want that, then why invite her to your personal life? You know she is all clingy, she might be doing that on your off hours from now on.

Think before you act on this one.

[s]

Well I have not had a chance to do anything yet as I was busy yesterday.  It is pretty odd that she is clingy at work but not on facebook.  I mean we rarely talk on facebook...  I am still pondering the facebook suggestion.  I mean it's not like I sit on facebook for 8hrs a day like I have to be at work so she really can't "cling" to me or demand immediate responses on there.  If she did, that would get her deleted and blocked. 

[TootsNYC]

See, I would see that as a healthy amount of conversation with a work friend. If you are interested in a work friend at all, then I might respond at about the same level. If you don't want a work friend (or don't want her as a work friend) then ignore it. It's possible that she may escalate back again, in which case you'll have to reset the boundary.

I don't believe it's necessary to keep my entire personal life out of the workplace, so YMMV.

I agree.

At this point, if that's the only time she's emailed, I don't think that's horrible. It seems that she's both respecting your request AND sending out an overture to be friendly.

But if you don't want a work friend, then don't bother. You're entitled to choose whether you want to be friends with her.

But given what you've written TO her in the past, via e-mail, I don't consider her to be out of line. You've been sending mixed signals in the past. SO I also vote for no response.

[s]

Well she did send me a work related e-mail today.  I don't think a reply is necessary but I'm unsure about sending one.  I'm afraid it will just get her going again... 

When you assign me any of [X] to help with just for now don’t assign me any from [X Region], I don’t have [Y]. We ran out and who knows when we will get any in. Thanks Have a good weekend.

[artk2002]

Since it's work related, I would respond. Something like "Thanks for the update. Please let me know when you have a supply of 'Y'." What you want to do is emphasize the difference between work communication and non-work communication. If she mixes things in one note, respond only to the work stuff and ignore the non-work stuff. Think of it this way -- reward her with a response when she does the right thing, and punish her by withholding a response when she does the wrong thing.

[Midnight Kitty]

Since it's work related, I would respond. Something like "Thanks for the update. Please let me know when you have a supply of 'Y'." What you want to do is emphasize the difference between work communication and non-work communication. If she mixes things in one note, respond only to the work stuff and ignore the non-work stuff. Think of it this way -- reward her with a response when she does the right thing, and punish her by withholding a response when she does the wrong thing.

I concur.  Think of her as your "co-worker training project."  Just don't turn into Cesar Milan (The Dog Whisperer) and "tzzt" her.

[mharbourgirl]

Well I have not had a chance to do anything yet as I was busy yesterday.  It is pretty odd that she is clingy at work but not on facebook.  I mean we rarely talk on facebook...  I am still pondering the facebook suggestion.  I mean it's not like I sit on facebook for 8hrs a day like I have to be at work so she really can't "cling" to me or demand immediate responses on there.  If she did, that would get her deleted and blocked.

See that bolded bit?  She KNOWS that would happen, so she hasn't tried it.  Yet.  She uses situations where you might conceivably look bad if you don't reply to her to manipulate you into the appearance of 'BFF' for her benefit alone.  And gets all butthurt when you quite rightly try to peel her off you.  She's clever and self-centred and used to getting her own way through these manipulative little games.  The only thing you CAN do is cut her off completely.  'Just the facts, ma'am,' has got to be your M.O. from now on where she's concerned, because she'll take even the slightest hint of 'friendly' to latch back on like a lonely octopus.  Which is too bad, because it's nice to be friendly with your co-workers when everyone understands that work comes first, socializing comes second.

[s]

Kind of a non-update.  I did send her a quick message on facebook responding to her non-work related e-mail that she sent me at work cause I felt bad.  I think I did this on Fri or Sat, so she had all weekend to reply.  And nothing...  not that I care.

I was a little worried today because Mondays I am in charge of assigning out work for Task X.  This was my first time doing it as this is a new process.  So I sent out an e-mail to my team members, Danielle included, to let them know I had sorted through the work and assigned it out to them.  I was afraid she'd latch on to that e-mail as an excuse to try and get chatty, but she didn't.