please bring eggs

[Summa30]

Hello, this is my first e-hell post.

I have been wondering about this situation for awhile:

Friend invited us (fiance and I) to her place for brunch prior to a group of us going to a music festival, we accepted and I did not offer to bring anything.

The day before the brunch, I got a text message asking to bring 2 dozen eggs.... At the time I felt this was a bit excessive, but I didn't know who/how many was going to the brunch.

Turns out there were about 12 people at the brunch, and it consisted of bacon, toast, eggs (which I supplied), mushrooms/tomato (of which there was not enough to go around), and condiments. No drinks were offered, but most of us brought alcoholic beverages, sparkling wine etc. (I also had a bottle of water in my bag which I drank).

I saw another friend brought a couple of loaves of bread, but that was it.

I felt a bit put out that we'd been asked to bring eggs for the whole group.

Just for background information, we are not any closer with this friend than the others that attended.

In general, I really don't mind bringing along things when my friends ask, but in this situation I felt a bit used (and I'm vegetarian, so no bacon for me).

Was this bad etiquette on my friends behalf? Should I have said something? Or am I overreacting?

[NyaChan]

How was the request/demand worded?  What sort of reception did you get when you arrived with eggs in hand?

[Summa30]

text message said 'can you bring 2 dzn eggs tmrw, thanks'

I was greeted as normal, gave the eggs to her partner who was in the kitchen (he does all the cooking), and he said thank you.

[hyzenthlay]

I don't know how your pricing works, but 2 dozen eggs could be either about the same price, or considerable cheaper then a couple loaves of bread.

I wouldn't have really been fussed about it, unless it's a long standing pattern of lack-luster hosting.

[NyaChan]

Yeah I find that to be rude.  You provided a major portion of what was originally billed as a hosted event.  They didn't even ask so much as assumed that you would accede to their demand for eggs, and the fact that you did something out of the ordinary (which I could let go for a close friend or unusual circumstance - they didn't seem to be in that situation) was treated as if it were commonplace.  It clearly wasn't a potluck since aside from the bread, others brought nothing (unless they had been asked to bring alcohol?), but what really really gets me - how do you have guests over at your house and not even provide water?  Juice, alcohol, and soda are nice add ons if the host wants to serve them, but water is not optional! Did no one ask for any water to go with their food or did people just accept that there was nothing to drink out and grab for their own beverages?

[Ceallach]

I've done similar, but usually for family.  I don't begrudge it.  Usually it's quite last minute and saves them a trip out to pick up something that's been missed, when I already have the item in my fridge or can easily pick it up.

However it does seem a little odd to supply ALL the eggs when that is a major part of the meal being served.   It seems they didn't plan ahead very well at all.

[Summa30]

Hi hyzenthlay; Yes about the same price, I guess.

It's not so much about the price, more so that the majority of people brought nothing, or were asked to bring nothing.

Is it bad ettiquette to ask some guests but not others to contribute to the food?

Hi NyaChan: yes, that's my sentiment too - no water was provided, no-one asked for water, quiet a few of us had our own bottles as we were heading to a festival after (not sure if that makes a difference though!).

[Ceallach]

Hi hyzenthlay; Yes about the same price, I guess.

It's not so much about the price, more so that the majority of people brought nothing, or were asked to bring nothing.

Is it bad ettiquette to ask some guests but not others to contribute to the food?

Hi NyaChan: yes, that's my sentiment too - no water was provided, no-one asked for water, quiet a few of us had our own bottles as we were heading to a festival after.

I don't think so.   Obviously that depends on the situation, but as a general rule not always.   For example, if I have guests coming from out of town I'm unlikely to ask them to bring something, or if I know there's some other specific reason why it would be a burden.   If it's somebody I'm close to and know they won't mind, I'll ask them if it seemed appropriate.   

The issue in this case is that you did feel as though it was an imposition - so the hosts clearly misjudged that.   On the other hand, how do you know they didn't ask the others to bring items but were let down?   Or that the others hadn't supplied something on a previous day to be used?  Really you can only judge your specific interaction with the hosts in this case.   It's not as if there was a sign-up sheet where you can *see* that you were expected to do more than anybody.  So I would let it go, unless there are other actions in the future that make you feel these friends are using you.

[MacadamiaNut]

I think it's very odd to invite people to brunch, have them say yes to the invite, and *then* ask them to bring two dozen eggs.  The only way I would think it's okay is if the hosts had then said, "Thanks so much for picking these up.  We totally forgot about eggs.  Duh! Here's $5 (or whatever eggs cost)."  That way even if you didn't want the money, it would at least show that it was just a mistake on their part.  What they did here I really don't understand.

If the OP had offered to the hosts, "Can we bring anything?" then that's a different story but it doesn't seem there was any offer of such services here.

I wouldn't make a big deal about it and I'd just tuck it away in the back of my mind but surely I'd be a little perplexed about this myself. 

[SoCalVal]

So Friend had twelve for brunch and only supplied bacon and condiments, insufficient mushrooms and tomatoes and no bread, eggs or beverages???  That would've been one interesting "brunch" of bacon and condiments.

Yes, Friend was rude and, no, you aren't overreacting.  I wouldn't have accepted invites to "hosted meals" from such a friend after.

[Ceallach]

I do agree definitely that it should be either upfront at the time of invitation, OR an emergency "please pick up X" request for a minor but crucial item (not for all of the eggs!).   So in this case regardless of the general etiquette in terms of which guests bring what / who contributes more,  this was poorly done by the hosts for that reason alone.

[Summa30]

Thank you all for your responses!

I hadn't thought that it could of been a 'last minute, forgot to buy' type request - would make sense, but then again, the request was the day before... 

It is also very possible that the mushrooms/tomato were brought by someone else.

I do often feel a bit 'used' by by this friend, just little things, and I think these little things probably do add to my feelings in this situation.

I think in future I will either decline the invite, or advise up front what I would like to/be comfortable bringing, i.e. May I bring a quiche/fruit salad/etc?

Thanks again for your reponses

[Twik]

Yes, it is VERY rude to invite people to a meal, and then, at the last minute, tell them that they are responsible for providing said meal.

I see this as an unfortunate development out of the growing popularity of potlucks. Hosts are starting to forget that it is their responsibility to provide food for people when they ask them to visit for a meal, even when they do not specify it is a potluck. The hosts see it as a way of entertaining beyond their means. THe "friends" here clearly want the credit for hosting, without putting any investment into it at all.

I don't care that eggs are not all that expensive. If it were not that expensive for Summa30 to buy the eggs, it was also not that expensive for the hosts to buy the eggs.

[NotTheNarcissist]

Was this bad etiquette on my friends behalf? Should I have said something? Or am I overreacting?

Based on what you have shared, it was a rude request because you were not told up front that preparing food (essentially a potluck except you were told specifically what to bring) was a part of the days events.

Plus not everyone has cash laying around to prepare 2 dozen anything for a potluck.

It sounds like some assumptions were made on your friends part.

If someone texted me & said to bring eggs, well, there's a strong likelihood that I would bring a carton of eggs. I need specifics. That person is proving that they dont know me very well.

Based on what you have shared, you are not overreacting. Future events with this friend? I would meet them there & not meet @ their place first.

[cattlekid]

Ugh...this is one of my pet peeves.  I don't think you are rude in the least for feeling put out about basically being forced to provide the main component of a meal that is supposedly hosted.