General Etiquette > Life...in general

Is it okay to ask? (S/O I didn't realize you wanted that to go.)

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jpcher:
One of the comments in the other thread was that a person asked for leftovers and it seems that this is generally rude.

I agree. I'm not going to ask for a couple of tupperwares full of all the dishes from a leftover meal for me to take home. I think that is rude.



But I'm wondering if what I did here was rude:

BF#1mom* served a wonderful meal which included a delicious bone-on ham.

I was helping her clean the kitchen. She trimmed the bone (leaving a goodly portion of meat on it) and packaged the meat up for freezing, etc. She then went to throw the bone (and juices) in the garbage.

I stopped her "Are you throwing that away?"

BF#1mom: Yeah, I got enough leftovers already.

Me: Can I please have that bone?

BF#1mom: NO! No, no . . . here take a package of meat. I have plenty.

Me: No, thank you, I just really want that bone. It would make awesome split pea soup.

BF#1mom: You really want this bone? You don't want this bone. It's garbage!

Me: Yes. Please. If you don't mind, I'd like to have that bone. I'll bring you soup. Do you like split pea soup?

BF#1mom: I love split pea soup.

Me: Please let me have that bone, don't just throw it away. You'll get soup. A lot of soup. I promise.


In the end, that was the best batch of split pea soup I ever made. It was a honey-baked ham with lots-o-meat still on the bone. The sweetness of the ham and the jalapenos I added for a bit of spice, etc. . . . and, yes, BF#1mom received 10 very large-sized servings (probably more than 1/2 of what I made) already packaged for freezing or eating.


So . . . how rude was I?

Is it okay to ask for left-overs of this sort?


 




*BF#1mom is my DD#1's boyfriends mother . . . I've known her for 6+ years.

AmethystAnne:
I don't think it's rude to ask and explain why you wanted the bone.

Now I am wishing I had some split pea soup in the frig ready to be heated up. ( ;D thank you sooooo much! ;D )

RitaKAustinTX:
If someone is obviously walking to the trash to throw something away- it is not all rude to ask for it! You know they don't intend to keep it AND, in OP's case, they are benefiting from giving it to you (yum, spit pea soup!). Not rude at all, imho.

It's the same as seeing a neighbor putting a old couch on the curb and asking them if you can have it (or asking them if they have plans for it and when they say no- then asking to have it).

This is a very different situation than asking for leftovers when you don't know what the chef intends to do with them. In that case, the asker is presuming that their own desire for the leftovers trumps the chef's desire to eat/freeze/wear on their head the leftovers. It's a premature presumption whereas the ham-bone situation was a perfectly reasonable presumption that she didn't want it anymore.

Winterlight:
I think this was fine- it's about context. She was going to toss it, you could use it, it's all good.

kakack:
Throw away a perfectly good ham bone from Honey Baked Hams?  Gaahh - what was she thinking!?!?!  While I don't make split pea soup, I do make white beans with ham bones.  Yum. 

In fact, one of my Mom's charity groups had some sort of fund raiser and served a ham on the bone.  They had a fund raising raffle for the ham bone!

I think you were perfectly alright to ask for the bone, especially since you're willing to share the results.

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