Christmas host from E-hell

[doodlemor]

I can relate to how you feel, my Christmas is usually ruined by my sister, ei, we take turns having it and when I do it I provide all the food, drinks, nibbles, everything, for around 25 people. I don't expect help but it would be nice if someone offered.  My sister usually brings her "special christmas cake she always makes", which is a horrible dry disaster but I wouldn't dream of offending her by telling her not to bring it and thats all she brings.  I might add that they are very well off and want for nothing.  When it is her turn to do Christmas I am told to bring all the hot meats, a few salads and plenty of drink. She never thanks me for anything and last year complained that I didn't bring enough chicken to go around (I brought 4).  When she comes to my house she always finds something wrong with the food (but manages to tuck heartily in I might add).   Well I have had enough and this year my daughter offered to do Christmas at her house for just us, our son and family and her partners family - no sister and her brood of hanger ons.  Well has the proverbial hit the fan.  I've been told that its my turn and that either I should do it or they should come to my daughters.  I said that would not be possible as they cannot afford to cater to all her family, and I was told that I have always been mean and obviously my daughter's the same.   My elderly mother is now blaming me for upsetting everyone. I just can't win.

Welcome to the board, Rusty.

I think that this post is worthy of its own thread, if you are so inclined.  The kind posters on this board give incredibly wise advice, and will help you to develop a titanium spine. 

It is absurd that your sister should mooch off of you at Christmas for years, and now you are supposed to feel guilty for breaking the unhealthy pattern.  She sounds like an incredibly difficult person.  Is this the sister who wants you to buy her son a house?

It sounds like your mother backs down from her nonsense and caters to her unreasonable demands to keep peace in the family.  That is not fair to you!

[Rusty]

Thanks for the welcome doodlemor.  I could write a book about my sister and her unreasonable behaviour. But she always has the uncanny way of getting away with it.  I have suggested she bring food to these gatherings but she always conveniently "forgets" or they were "so busy she didn't have time" because she has "such a frantic social life" compared to poor old me who just gets to spend hours in the kitchen.

[Mental Magpie]

Thanks for the welcome doodlemor.  I could write a book about my sister and her unreasonable behaviour. But she always has the uncanny way of getting away with it.  I have suggested she bring food to these gatherings but she always conveniently "forgets" or they were "so busy she didn't have time" because she has "such a frantic social life" compared to poor old me who just gets to spend hours in the kitchen.

Be prepared for the next time she has a "convenient" excuse.  Pull out a pad and paper, and mumble under your breath the time and date as you write down her excuse.  Do this three or four times (actually write it down, too, in case she doesn't catch onto what you're doing), then on the fifth time, pull out the pad and say, "Hmmm, what an interesting pattern.  Every time we have a gathering you have a convenient excuse as to why you can't contribute.  Huh."  Make sure you sound like you do find this incredibly interesting!