Asking for female only.

[Two Ravens]

Are you posting to try and get a rise out of people? Cuz that's how weird that concern is. Has your husband ever rubbed her belly or scratch her rear? Do you consider that inappropriate contact? Stop sexualizing your cat and a routine surgery

I think that where I went wrong was in saying that it was for my cat. I can see that nobody is going to understand how I feel about them and I can see that most people would say its weird.

My question still works in other contexts. Asking for a male/female masseuse, for example. Or even a male/female groomer.

We don't have to keep discussing the fact that it's my cat, because that obviously upsets people.

A human asking for a male/female masseuse is a completely different situation. They are not remotely comparable.

[dawbs]

Are you posting to try and get a rise out of people? Cuz that's how weird that concern is. Has your husband ever rubbed her belly or scratch her rear? Do you consider that inappropriate contact? Stop sexualizing your cat and a routine surgery

I think that where I went wrong was in saying that it was for my cat. I can see that nobody is going to understand how I feel about them and I can see that most people would say its weird.

My question still works in other contexts. Asking for a male/female masseuse, for example. Or even a male/female groomer.

We don't have to keep discussing the fact that it's my cat, because that obviously upsets people.

Okay, in most other contexts, it's still probably sexist.  By virtue of being sexist, it's probably rude.

It may be more 'understandable' in those other situations (although not always more logical--after all, one is asking the gender this person presents as--not their sexual orientation, proclivities, etc.  Because a male gay masseuse vs a lesbian masseuse for a female patient...eh, people's preferences tend to assume that everyone is 'cisgender'), but still sexist.

If the comfort of the 'patient' (customer, patient, whatever you want to call them) is affected by the gender of the 'employee' (doctor,  groomer, hair dresser, etc), then there's a "reason" for it.  (Not necessarily a 'good' reason, but a reason, none the less.) 

[wolfie]

What's wrong with simply saying, "I need to make an appointment for Cat, and can you please make it with one of the female ones please?"


Simple does it.  You don't have to explain anything.  If they ask, "Oh I just prefer female doctors."


After all you did call and found out she was a female doctor, how did you ask?

That would have worked if I were the one making the appointment. DH made the appointment, I was going to change it.

I didn't call and ask. They called me to confirm her appointment and discuss a few things. They mentioned a "she" and I asked which she they were referring to. They said Dr. Frank.

Got it, I would have called back in and simply say I need to change my appointment with a female vet instead.


But I had to chuckle though, you have no issues with telling hundreds of people here that you prefer female vets for your female cats and why.  But you care how it comes across to 2, maybe 3 people in the vet's office. I know here, they don't know you in IRL, but you are very firm in your belief of why you prefer female vets for your female cats.  Just tell them what you tell us if they ask why.  You have carried yourself very well here and I think you will do just as well IRL.

I wouldn't explain to a vet that I want a female vet because I don't want a male vet touching my cat's mammary glands. Personally I would find that very insulting if I was a male and I would be requesting that that customer go find another vet. I would be wondering what I could be accused of if I was the only person at the office and the cat was rushed her with an emergency. It would be too big of a risk.

[O'Dell]

I've known of dogs, generally female, that don't like men. A vet appt. with a female vet would go much smoother and safer. With a pragmatic reason like that, I wouldn't think it rude to request a woman vet.

I think your feelings are irrational, OP. But so what? Irrational feelings and beliefs aren't all that uncommon. It's best to find ways to work around them that are more socially acceptable. As others have suggested, just ask specifically for a doctor that you do want. No need to mention whether you want a male or female doctor to see them.

[Knitterly]

Are you posting to try and get a rise out of people? Cuz that's how weird that concern is. Has your husband ever rubbed her belly or scratch her rear? Do you consider that inappropriate contact? Stop sexualizing your cat and a routine surgery

I think that where I went wrong was in saying that it was for my cat. I can see that nobody is going to understand how I feel about them and I can see that most people would say its weird.

My question still works in other contexts. Asking for a male/female masseuse, for example. Or even a male/female groomer.

We don't have to keep discussing the fact that it's my cat, because that obviously upsets people.

I personally think that where you went wrong was in saying that it is surgery.  Let's pretend that we're talking about a human child.  Surgery simply doesn't fall into the same category as a hair dresser or masseuse.  If a health issue gets to the point of surgery, it's probably important to deal with.  Therefore, the gender of the doctor ought to be beside the point.

I understand wanting a female doctor, but when you are talking about surgery, it really is and ought to be about qualifications and not gender.

Please consider the issue from the opposite perspective.  A man refuses a female surgeon to perform necessary surgery on his son solely because she's a woman.  Such a story would probably make the news, and not likely cast a positive light on the father.

[MasterofSquirrels]

Sio, I am not upset that you posted a question about your cat.

What is upsetting is that you have no real reason for it. You just don't like it. That isn't a reason. You just don't think a man should touch your female cat's naughty bits is sexist and offensive. You care not for the vets qualifications, just the gender. That is offensive.

Your question as it's presented doesn't work in other areas. If you prefer to have a woman give you a massage, fine. That isn't a problem, as it is YOUR body. If you would prefer a waitress instead of a waiter because you don't like waiters? Not fine. It's sexist, and I would say it's on par with rascism.

[jibby]

I think that where I went wrong was in saying that it was for my cat. I can see that nobody is going to understand how I feel about them and I can see that most people would say its weird.

My question still works in other contexts. Asking for a male/female masseuse, for example. Or even a male/female groomer.

We don't have to keep discussing the fact that it's my cat, because that obviously upsets people.

I disagree with this, Sio.  There are many posters on this board (myself included) who absolutely think of their pets as their children.  We may not all give them voting status, but they are *very* important to us.  Posters stating "it's a CAT" do not mean to belittle the cat's status.  Anyone with a cat knows that cats consider humans nothing more than necessary evils anyway.  The issue is that you are basically accusing a professional of beastiality.  Not cool.

[nyarlathotep]

I think I can understand the OP's feelings on this. If I am right (and please correct me if I'm wrong, Siotehcat) it's less to do with sex than it is with caring. Many people feel that men are more aggressive and less caring than women are. This is not an assumption I agree with, but I think accusing the OP of sexualising cats is going in the wrong direction.

Irrational feelings are not rude. Allowing them to impact on your behaviour is.

It's not dog piling if the op keeps coming back and debating the issue. Please try not to overuse that term.

A disproportionate number of people have posted in this thread saying pretty much exactly the same thing. That is dogpiling.

Also, fixed that for you.

e: fixed code.

[thlayly]

I think Knitterly made an excellent post a few moments ago with the genders being reversed. (male cat, male owner, female vet).

I understand feeling more like your fur baby is a baby, so let's pretend you cat is a person. Your female friend, roommate, child, or other has shown no inclination that she would be uncomfortable with a male "dr." If she were uncomfortable, then I would understand avoiding a male dr, but she doesn't seem to be, so it should not matter. That's how I would respond if we were discussing another human, for what it's worth.

[MrsJWine]

I've known of dogs, generally female, that don't like men. A vet appt. with a female vet would go much smoother and safer. With a pragmatic reason like that, I wouldn't think it rude to request a woman vet.

That's a completely different reason than anything the OP has cited. "My cat is afraid of men, especially strangers; is it possible to have a female surgeon?" is a lot different from, "For modesty reasons, I prefer that my cat have a female surgeon." They are completely different. A cat couldn't care less. On the off chance that she is somewhat aware of who is cutting into her, it won't matter if the surgeon is male or female; she will plan her revenge for the rest of her life.

[nyarlathotep]

I've known of dogs, generally female, that don't like men. A vet appt. with a female vet would go much smoother and safer. With a pragmatic reason like that, I wouldn't think it rude to request a woman vet.

That's a completely different reason than anything the OP has cited. "My cat is afraid of men, especially strangers; is it possible to have a female surgeon?" is a lot different from, "For modesty reasons, I prefer that my cat have a female surgeon." They are completely different. A cat couldn't care less. On the off chance that she is somewhat aware of who is cutting into her, it won't matter if the surgeon is male or female; she will plan her revenge for the rest of her life.

Parking my POD here.

[MrsO]

I think I can understand the OP's feelings on this. If I am right (and please correct me if I'm wrong, Siotehcat) it's less to do with sex than it is with caring. Many people feel that men are more aggressive and less caring than women are. This is not an assumption I agree with, but I think accusing the OP of sexualising cats is going in the wrong direction.

If that was the case, why did Sio state that it was because the surgery was on the cat's mammry glands?

Sio, would you feel the same if the surgery was on the cat's leg?

[HorseFreak]

Keep in mind they may only have one vet who is qualified to do that surgery (it isn't easy!). If you tell the practice you won't let a male vet touch your cat because of sexual concerns that you may rightfully be asked to never return to the practice. It isn't worth a potential lawsuit for "feline sexual harassment/assault." What would you do if Dr. Frank is out sick and Dr. Manly Man takes over her cases? Cancel the surgery? Get upset with the staff for not informing you that a man would be performing it instead?

Honestly, I know a lot of vets don't tolerate gender or racial discrimination from clients at all. If Fluffy was abused by a man and is terrified that's one thing to explain politely, but saying you don't want a man touching what are completely non-sexual organs in a cat won't fly.

[AustenFan]

I don't think the question translates into other issues or contexts.

Pet, kid, parent or myself: if one of us needs surgery I don't care if the most qualified person is a purple alien with both sets of sexual organs. I want the best, and would have no problem setting aside any biases I hold to obtain it.

This isn't about you or what you're comfortable with. It's about whether the person in question is best qualified to perform the operation.

[wolfie]

It's not dog piling if the op keeps coming back and debating the issue. Please try not to overuse that term.

A disproportionate number of people have posted in this thread saying pretty much exactly the same thing. That is dogpiling.

Also, fixed that for you.

e: fixed code.

On this forum dogpiling is defined as keeping up with the argument after a moderator has stepped in or the OP has revised their opinion. So if Sio came back and said she has considered our opinions and sees that she might be overreacting and people still post telling her how wrong she is that would be dog piling. Since neither Sio nor a moderator have stepped in there has been no dogpiling.