OP here. Love, Love, LOVE the comments! The smack downs AND the understanding ones! LOL
Some notes to clarify…
1. In no way did I EXPECT any type of hostess gift. And in no way did I feel like I was *owed* something for all of the work. They were coming, my DH and I were happy they were visiting…and I truly did NOT expect anything but a “thank you” …..and maybe a hug…lol
2. I discovered I AM annoyed with my wonderful, DH.
He did absolutely *nothing* to help get things ready.
I have determined (thanks to you great OP’s), that the next time they come….I will simply hand him a list of things to do. If they get done, great! If not, well….then they don’t!
Several days prior to arrival (as I am running around, cleaning the baseboards…), my DH says “THEY wont care……” “I know, my love…”, I answered… “but *I* care”.
3. As a DIL, OFCOURSE, I want them to think highly of me! I want them to see that I have tried to make a beautiful home for their son…and that whenever they arrive, they are made to feel welcome!
4. Gift giving….Probably 3 times a year they send DH a love package (with nothing for me or our DS). In no way have I ever been annoyed by these. He is their son and I am happy that he received a nice surprise.
5. I have come to realize that IL show their love through presents.
IRIS, you hit the nail on the head.
((You are "DS's wife" not "our DIL" for life. Yet they will expect for you to do all the things for them that they would expect a daughter to do. Hence they wouldn't see it as unreasonable for you to cook, clean etc with little reward because they are family, but you won't get 'just because' presents because you are not.)))
^^^ This is why I think I am feeling annoyed. When I married DH, I looked forward to having an extended family. Their passive aggressive attempts to show me that I am “less than..” is what annoys me!
Sparksals was right. I could really care LESS about “gifts”. But since this is their way of showing love….it kind of feels like a slap in the face.
Cake Eater said it best…
((However, while I don't expect the same value of gifts from my parents-in-law as DH receives, a $400 'just because' gift for DH and nothing for me at any time, would tell me where I stood in the family)).
And so lets review this question….
Lets say that the breakfast was their “thank you”….and the (2) gift cards for $400 was their love gift for their son…
**Is it rude to send a $400 monetary gift to just one member of the family??**
I can see if his M was out shopping and saw “just the perfect thingamajig” for her son….and then sending that….
But isn’t it rude to send such a large windfall (for us anyway)….and then have it be “JUST FOR MY SON…..NOONE ELSE”!!
**Would it not have been more appropriate to send some gift cards to the whole family….and say “here’s a little something! Get what your family needs”.
I understand every family is different. I understand it is their money and can do WHATEVER they want with it. But I guess I am asking….
“Is it PROPER ETIQUETTE to give ONE member of the family a large sum of money…while completely ignoring the rest”?