Uh-oh, I think I'm getting my threads crossed, and referenced Hmmmmm's story in the OP's other thread on a similar subject... Hopefully people are reading both !
But I'll repeat myself here anyway.
The MIL in Hmmmmm's story--you know, it's her money, she can think whatever she likes, she can give whatever she likes, and Hmmmmm did
ask her opinion on the subject. And also, she said she gives nice gifts to her DIL at gift-giving times, it's just that she gives extra
gifts at other times to her son. If I was the DIL, I might not even notice/think about those extra gifts much, or perhaps I'd even think they were understandable and nice.
It's really only hearing the MIL's reasoning for them that turns it ugly for me. So many assumptions and judgments, about things that aren't her business! And if there were problems serious enough to become
her business, a few extra gifts aren't going to solve them.
But, as long as MIL acts polite towards her DIL, she's not doing anything wrong, I guess. But with such a philosophy, which she seems to have thought about a lot, one wonders if her thoughts do
come through in other ways.