We'll bring the grill and you'll bring the food!

[takeheart]

Sister and BIL made a Facebook event inviting 40+ friends for a kickball and cookout get-together about a month ago. The description of the get-together stated that they will rent the pavilion at a local park, bring the kickball gear, and provide a grill. For the food, everyone is to pitch in and bring something. Although 20 people said they would be joining, no one said what they would bring. With the get-together being a little over a week away, Sister asked on the event page what everyone was bringing. Few friends replied; one bringing hamburger meat, another bringing hot dogs, and we're bringing drinks. Sister stated that she's bringing cut-up fruit, maybe chips, or some other side.

Concerning hosting etiquette, should Sister and BIL at least provide the main entree (hot dog, hamburger, and buns)? Especially since this is not a small, close group of friends getting together. Or since they stated that they were not providing the main entree it's acceptable?

[Bibliophile]

I've been to events where you bring a side to share and your own meat/veggie burger/whatever to grill for your main item.  Is this what she meant when she started out, but then people signed up to bring meat for everyone?

[Instantkarma]

Since they said from the start that they werent providing food its ok.  Its only if they mention that after people have already said they are going that its not ok.

[NyaChan]

I see this as more of a "hey the weather is great, let's organize a group cook-out in the park!" than a hosted event where people are invited.  It seems they were clear from the start that they weren't actually hosting/providing all the food, so I think it is ok.

[Elfmama]

If they're paying to rent a pavilion in the park for a casual get-together, then they are doing their fair share.  Providing food for 40 people, over and above the price of the pavilion, is a bit much to ask.  If it was a celebration for the hosts, like a very casual wedding or birthday or graduation, OTOH, then they should provide food. 

[Sophia]

I think they should have been more organized from the beginning.  I have been to this sort of thing and the standard is to bring your own meat, and a side to share.  Since they are on facebook, they could have asked people to say what they are bringing when they said Yes.  When it is probably grocery store items, people often don't care what they bring as long as it is in the right price range and goes with the other stuff.  So, if I saw that no one was bringing cheese, I would might bring cheese.  But, if someone else was, I'd look for another hole. 

I have been to an unorganized one of these.  We had to send someone for bread.

[kudeebee]

It would probably be easier to have everyone bring their own meat to grill and a side to share.  What happens if the meat people end up not coming or don't buy enough meat?

[JenJay]

So were they expecting someone to volunteer to bring enough meat for everyone? I agree with the PPs that they should have specified "Bring whatever meat you'd like to grill and a side to share." then maybe post "I'm bringing cut fruit, what's everyone else bringing?"

I hope they don't end up with 20 bags of chips and only enough burgers/dogs for those who brought some.    (Unless the burger/dog people meant they'd provide enough for everyone... but how would they know exactly how many people they'd be feeding?)

[MacadamiaNut]

I don't think what they did was rude but it was poorly planned.

[Mikayla]

I agree with Sophia (and now Macadamia Nut) that the problem here is a poorly planned event and equally poor communication.  The "hostess" is going to spend the rest of the week answering questions about this unless she figures out how to organize it better.

If you're close to your sis, I think you need to suggest to her that she clarify what she expects.   The easiest (and, imo, best) route would be for her to supply enough hamburgers and hot dogs for 40 people, along with buns and condiments.  This won't be that expensive.

Then all she has to do is ask people to bring sides to share with others, and whatever beverages they'll want.

If she doesn't like that idea, she could ask people to bring their own meat and a side to share, but in my part of the world, this would be viewed as a little lax on her part.  If these events are common where you are, then it may be ok.

[jpcher]

I don't think what they did was rude but it was poorly planned.

^ I agree.

Along with agreeing that events like this (simple social gatherings at a park, not at someones home) should be a "bring your own meat." I'll be honest and say that I'm not going to provide meat for 20-40 people when someone else just brings napkins. I'm betting that's why nobody is signing up.

By the way, who is providing the paper plates/napkins/silverware/condiments, etc?

Yeah, poorly planned.



Sister and BIL still have a week -- can they amend their facebook event planner thingy? With something like:

Sorry for the confusion, everyone! We're looking forward to a great game of kickball, fun in the sun and a good time had by all.

For clarification: Please bring your own meat or whatever you want to cook on the grill as your main dish.

Please sign up for an extra something to share with the other 20-40 kickballers (please be specific as to the amount of whatever you will be bringing to share . . . doesn't have to feed everybody!)


What we need is:

4 -- Chips/Dips
2 -- veggie tray
5 -- Your specialty appetizers
1 -- Paper goods (plates/napkins/plastic utensiles) for 20-40 people
6 -- Salads
Condements
Drinks
Desserts
Whatever

Please be aware of what others have signed up for (we don't need 80 paper plates LOL!)

Remember this is your party too. Let's all have fun with it! (or some such encouraging closing.)


Use whatever words you would like for clarification, but, something needs to be organized in order to have a successful party. 




I also agree with:

If they're paying to rent a pavilion in the park for a casual get-together, then they are doing their fair share. Providing food for 40 people, over and above the price of the pavilion, is a bit much to ask.  If it was a celebration for the hosts, like a very casual wedding or birthday or graduation, OTOH, then they should provide food. 

Of course, sister and BIL should also bring a dish to share.




Mikayla -- you posted while I was typing. I don't view this as a hosted event. I see it to be more like a pot luck. That's why I think that it's okay for everybody to bring something to share along with their own meat.

[takeheart]

On the Facebook event page, Sister wrote:

As far as food goes, we can set out a list of "essentials" and see what everyone would be willing to bring. Of course, you're always welcome to bring whatever you'd like too!

The List for essential food (for now):
Burger patties
Hot Dogs
Buns
Condiments (ketchup, mustard, mayo, relish)
Cheese, lettuce, tomatoes
Drinks/Cooler
Chips/Dip

Sides are whatever you want! Deserts, salads, dips, fruit, etc. What's your "go-to" dish?! Bring it =)

When no one said what they were going to bring with a week left until the get-together, Sister wrote:

Alrighty folks, let's start getting the food together! Who's wanting/willing to bring what?! BIL and I will provide a grill.

From that, I think the idea is to bring enough of "whatever" for everyone and not say enough meat to grill for a couple/family unit on the provided grill.

[JenJay]

She's counting on someone volunteering to bring enough meat for 40 people? (I know only 20 have RSVP'd with a yes but there are bound to be people who just show up.) Or is she thinking that 4 people will bring enough meat for 10 people each or some other combination?

I think her heart is in the right place and it sounds like a lot of fun, but if she were my sister I'd be strongly encouraging her to amend the invite to say "Bring your own meat to grill and a side to share." as PPs have suggested. I think the odds of there being 2 packages of hot dogs and a whole lot of chips and soda are looking pretty good.

You said a couple of people have mentioned what they're bringing but that leaves 15 or so who've indicated they're coming but not that they plan to pitch in on the food. What will she do if they don't? Personally I'd start trying to nail down some confirmations so I could form a backup plan. 

[takeheart]

She's counting on someone volunteering to bring enough meat for 40 people? (I know only 20 have RSVP'd with a yes but there are bound to be people who just show up.) Or is she thinking that 4 people will bring enough meat for 10 people each or some other combination?

I think her heart is in the right place and it sounds like a lot of fun, but if she were my sister I'd be strongly encouraging her to amend the invite to say "Bring your own meat to grill and a side to share." as PPs have suggested. I think the odds of there being 2 packages of hot dogs and a whole lot of chips and soda are looking pretty good.

You said a couple of people have mentioned what they're bringing but that leaves 15 or so who've indicated they're coming but not that they plan to pitch in on the food. What will she do if they don't? Personally I'd start trying to nail down some confirmations so I could form a backup plan. 

I really think she thinks whoever volunteers to bring X will bring enough of X for at least 20 people. So far one person said, "I'll bring the hamburger meat," and another said, "We will bring hotdog & hamburger buns." DH and I are bringing drinks, ice for drinks, and cups. Sister said, "I think I'm going bring cut up fruit (watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew, strawberries, etc.) and chips...Snack stuff!" That's it. Cousin said that her and her BF plan on eating before and they are just going to play kickball but not eat anything.

How do I tactfully bring up that she should amend the invitation?

[jpcher]

On the Facebook event page, Sister wrote:

As far as food goes, we can set out a list of "essentials" and see what everyone would be willing to bring. Of course, you're always welcome to bring whatever you'd like too!

The List for essential food (for now):
Burger patties
Hot Dogs
Buns
Condiments (ketchup, mustard, mayo, relish)
Cheese, lettuce, tomatoes
Drinks/Cooler
Chips/Dip

Sides are whatever you want! Deserts, salads, dips, fruit, etc. What's your "go-to" dish?! Bring it =)

Here's the problem . . . she never asked for people to post what they were bringing. For all she knows, everybody is bringing something.


When no one said what they were going to bring with a week left until the get-together, Sister wrote:

Alrighty folks, let's start getting the food together! Who's wanting/willing to bring what?! BIL and I will provide a grill.

From that, I think the idea is to bring enough of "whatever" for everyone and not say enough meat to grill for a couple/family unit on the provided grill.

Okay -- that makes a little more sense. Your Sister did make a list and was organized (to a point.) It seems that she's excited for this get together and was hoping everybody would jump in with as much enthusiasm.

People are just not responding.

Hopefully, her last post "Alrighty folks, let's start getting the food together! . . ." will wake people up for a response.


Is Sister asking you for advice? Or are you trying to be helpful with a sisterly nudge to make her party a success?

How do I tactfully bring up that she should amend the invitation?

At this point, after reading the initial "invite" I don't think her page needs to be amended with the "bring your own meat" thought. (Changing my mind, here. Being wishy-washy, sorry. Could probably change my mind again. )

Sis already has offers for enough meats, so she's good to go there. She should personally call the people who offered the meat to let them know that there will only be 20 instead of 40 so that they don't over-buy.


Is there a polite way to say something on her page like "If you don't bring a dish, you don't get to eat?"


As for the amendment . . . suggest that she posts what food items will be available.

"We have burgers, hot dogs, drinks, fruit tray, chips so far . . .

If you're planning to stay for food, please post here as to what you're going to bring.

If you're not staying for food, please let us know."




This is a toughie. Your sister is in a bind due to wording in her initial invitation.

I say that if she still doesn't get any responses, she should be prepared to bring paper goods and condiments. Other than that, she should go with the flow and let whatever happens happen.


It's a good learning experience.


eta: I've never organized a pot luck, so my thoughts may be completely off base. However, I do believe that organizing a pot luck and hosting a meal are two completely different things . . . I, too, am learning from this thread.