Age Etiquette

[BeagleMommy]

Not every older person dislikes current music/movies/literature.  I like some of the music my 20 year old DS likes (not all of it), he likes some of the music of my generation (not all of it) and my 68 year old mother is currently reading "50 Shades of Grey".

Amazing, ain't it?!

[Editeer]

An addition to this rule: Don't tell the younger-looking person they'll appreciate looking younger when they're older. It's insensitive to the fact that everyone thinks they're really young now, and it's hard to be taken seriously now.

As a formerly young-looking person, I absolutely agree. Being young-looking was really not a good thing when I was in my teens and twenties. (Now that I'm 49, I do appreciate it--but being taken for 30-something doesn't mean I'm taken less seriously. Being taken for 12 or 16 or 20 is very different.)

[audrey1962]

"You weren't born yet, so you wouldn't know about..."

Uh, you weren't born in 1776, but I assume you know about the American Revolution.

[audrey1962]

I don't really understand why people are sensitive about having others know their age - can someone explain it to me?  I don't exactly broadcast my age, but I also don't lie about it or make it a closely held secret.  If anything it seems like people would want to inflate their age as they get older to elicit comments of "You look AWESOME for being ____!!!!"   

People use my age to stereotype me. I am also judged based on how old I look and people make assumptions about my intelligence and capabilities.

As others have said, being young looking is not always a compliment. When I am at work, I don't want to be judged based on how I look. I want to be judged based on my accomplishments.

[Piratelvr1121]

"You weren't born yet, so you wouldn't know about..."

Uh, you weren't born in 1776, but I assume you know about the American Revolution.

Oh that irritates me so much! In another thread I mentioned a gentleman who used to say "You're not old enough to know who Lucille Ball is!" Um, "I Love Lucy" is in syndication and is still played during the day on some channels.  Even my kids know who Lucy Ricardo is.

I look younger than I am, and while I don't get carded so much anymore, there have been times when I've been talked down to.  A couple years ago, I went into Home Depot with my best friend, my kids and my DH.  The woman gave a sticker to my boys and to myself, saying to me "I didn't want you to feel left out" but she didn't offer one to my friend and kept talking down to me.  My friend, once we got back into the van, huffed and said "She probably thinks I'm your mother!" 

I was equally annoyed, as I was 31 at the time and the way the woman talked to me it was like she thought I was 15 or something.

[readingchick]

I also look younger than my age (and get carded when trying to buy alcohol), and agree with the point cabbagegirl made. If I don't like being mistaken for being younger now, what makes people think I'll like it when I'm much older?

[cabbagegirl28]

I also look younger than my age (and get carded when trying to buy alcohol), and agree with the point cabbagegirl made. If I don't like being mistaken for being younger now, what makes people think I'll like it when I'm much older?

I've personally heard something to the effect that I will look 50 when I'm 70. Then, I'll be much more beautiful than any of my friends and can lord it over them. Yes, because that's what I would do to dear and loving friends.   

It doesn't bother me when I'm carded though; my 50-something dad got carded for alcohol, and he has receding gray hair and wrinkles. I won't even go into that story.

[Arianoor]

Please, for the love of puppies, do not make assumptions about someone's age based upon appearance alone.  Yes, I do look very young for someone who has been in the working world for 15 years.  Yes, I'm sure it would be flattering if this were not a professional context.  No, I don't like being told I am a mere child, particularly since experience is a highly valued commodity in my business.

POD times a billion ka-zillion!

Quote from an electrician (working for the GC that I hired!), "What are you?  12?"

[Emmy]

Don't use age to tell somebody where they should be in life.  For example, don't say "you are X years old, you should start thinking about buying a house in the suburbs and starting a family.

Do no tell somebody they 'are not getting any younger'.  Nobody is getting any younger and I'm sure even the dumbest of people knows that.

I am surprised at the amount of people in professional careers that made comments about my age and having a family.  I got my wisdom teeth out at 32 and the nurse asked if I had any children.  I replied I did not and she said "oh, most people your age have children".  When purchasing life insurance, the agent asked DH and I if we had children.  We replied we did not.  He said, "I guess you won't be having any if you don't have them by now (I was 34, DH 37).  I found those comments annoying and invasive and we hadn't been trying for children.  I can't imagine how offensive comments like that would be to a couple who has been struggling with infertility.

[Nikko-chan]

An addition to this rule: Don't tell the younger-looking person they'll appreciate looking younger when they're older. It's insensitive to the fact that everyone thinks they're really young now, and it's hard to be taken seriously now.

For the record, this comes from many people asking how my "12-year-old" self drove to Wal-Mart/Target/other shopping area. I'm 21; it's getting old.

Oh this! So much... when I was 17 someone tried to set me up with their 12 year old nephew, under the mistaken assumption that I was 13. My mother had to set them straight.

Oh and the guy at the gas station made a comment one time that I would be 'asking my mom for this (the credit card) in a few years' (as in when i was 16 or 17)... when I was already 23...

[nuit93]

Do no tell somebody they 'are not getting any younger'.  Nobody is getting any younger and I'm sure even the dumbest of people knows that.

I may have to respond to this with "I'm not?  When did this happen?  I thought I did the spell correctly!".  Just to mess with people.

[Mental Magpie]

Don't assume that older people are incapable of having fun.  In a discussion about ages of when we want to have kids, someone said that 30 was too old to be having children.  I said that Dark Mother was 32 when she had me and that age seemed normal to me.  He then replied quite condescendingly, "Yeah, but when did she stop doing stuff with you?"  I grinned and said, "At the ripe age of 53 this year*, she went white water rafting with us."  He was completely perplexed and didn't say another word about it.

*This conversation was a few years ago.

[Piratelvr1121]

I have to laugh when my middle son thinks I'm younger than I am because 33 seems so ancient to him and I don't seem that old.  (he's 9).  He asked me how old my bf was and at the time she was 55 and he said "And she's still alive?" No, I never told her that and don't plan to! Nor my MIL since she's that age now.

Though I've known some 55 year olds who seem ageless while others seem like they're already 80.  Age really is more an attitude than a number, I think.   Heck, my great-aunt was in her mid 80's when she rode on a Sea Doo.

My bf is one of the ageless ones, as many times I have to remind myself there's 23 years between us.

[JennJenn68]

For young teenagers:  Don't make the mistake of commenting how "really old" historical figures were when they accomplished the things for which they were famous...

My son is studying the War of 1812, and was summarizing biographical data on the major figures involved.  As I was passing through the TV room with a mountain of laundry, he piped up, "Wow!  Tecumseh was really old when he won that battle!  He was born in 1768, you know."

I stood stock still for a moment, gently set down the Laundry Mountain From Hades, and then I quietly pointed out that I had, in fact, been born in 1968 and that since this is now 2012, I am precisely the age that Tecumseh was when he was "really old".  The look of horror on his face was priceless!  (I'm not sure how much the horror involves the "oops" factor and how much involves that somebody "old" like me could have been a major figure in the War of 1812... Kids!)

[jeni]

I heard a terrible ageist comment at work a couple of years ago.  Our company offers free flu shots for staff and a nurse had come in to give them, it was young looking female nurse.  So our female Deputy CEO says to her 'does your mum know you're out?'.

I was so shocked that anyone could say this and more so that our female DCEO said it!  From memory the nurse laughed it off, but I thought, how rude and patronising.