Author Topic: Hosting without any food? Who does this?  (Read 5629 times)

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Thena

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Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« on: May 18, 2012, 09:43:48 PM »
If I had not witnessed this, I probably would not have believed it.

"Adrienne" was hosting a luncheon in honor of her birthday. She invited over a small group of close friends including my dad, who would need me to drive him there. She gave him the details, including time and date and that it would be at her house.

The day of the luncheon, there were heavy thunderstorms in the area. It was raining so hard that I could barely see the car 20 feet ahead of me on the highway. Dad and I were the last ones to arrive. Once we got inside and dried off, Adrienne's husband "Brandon" fixed drinks for us and suggested that Adrienne bring out some potato chips. She commented that it was a good thing they picked up potato chips the day before because they didn't have any other food available.

Here's where it started getting interesting. Adrienne brought out a take-out menu for a new Chinese restaurant in her area and said that this is where she wanted all of us to go for lunch. Brandon pointed out that everyone had gotten settled and no one really wanted to go out in the rain. He thought it might be better for them to order food to be delivered, as they always do. Adrienne grumbled that it might take too long, but she announced that we could probably wait until the rain died down to head to the restaurant.

Half an hour later, Brandon suggested again that Adrienne call the restaurant to order food and have it delivered. Adrienne said, "I can't order delivery. I don't have enough cash to pay for it." Brandon told her that he had enough cash, but he also noticed on the menu that the restaurant took credit cards. Adrienne argued that they probably wouldn't take a credit card over the phone for delivery. Brandon made her call the restaurant which - surprise! - said they had no problem taking a credit card over the phone. Adrienne asked them how long it would take, then hung up. "Oh, it will take too long for them to deliver the food. Maybe we should just go there," she said.

None of the other guests looked all that eager to get up and head into the storm, so I suggested a compromise: order the food as take-out and I would drive there to pick it up, as my car was the last one in the driveway. Adrienne agreed, and the rest of the guests looked a lot happier. But then Adrienne had to make an ordeal out of ordering. She called the restaurant back, hung up without ordering anything, then brought the menu back to the group and asked everyone to pick out what they wanted from the lunch specials. Brandon thought that would be too much of a hassle and suggested that they order entrees to share family-style as they always do. Adrienne kept going on about how she had no idea what to order. Finally, another female guest and I took the menu and picked out several entrees.

And just when I thought it couldn't get any stranger, Adrienne pulled out coupons! It seems the restaurant had given out some promotional stuff for the grand opening and Adrienne wanted to know if we wanted to get free orange chicken or friend rice, since she had coupons for both.

At least Adrienne came with me to get the food and paid for it herself. I was afraid for a while that I would get stuck with the bill. But after lunch was finished, she announced that she had "forgotten" to ask me if I could stop by the grocery store to pick up a cake, so the best she could offer for dessert was some leftover zucchini bread. Everyone made their excuses at that point and left.

I assumed that when you invite people over for a meal, you plan ahead to make sure that you have a meal to serve. If Adrienne wanted everyone to eat at the restaurant, why did she invite everyone over to her home? In other words, is this really as crazy as it seemed to me?

Lynn2000

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2012, 09:53:51 PM »
Um, wow... I look forward to reading the responses in this thread!  >:D

It seems like Adrienne and Brandon were very ill-prepared for this party. I don't think it's necessarily rude to move the party to a restaurant to eat, or to order delivery/take-out from a restaurant for the meal, but it sounds like these two really hadn't thought much about it or made any contingency plans. It sounds like Adrienne just really wanted to have lunch at this Chinese place for her birthday--if she had just told people this beforehand, some people could have met them there, and other people could have parked at Adrienne's house and carpooled if that worked better for them.

It was rude to subject the guests to their half-formed plans. Even if the rain threw a wrench into their plans, Adrienne and Brandon should have had a quick and decisive private convo about what was the best way to feed their guests, and then DONE it already.
~Lynn2000

Ceallach

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2012, 10:25:16 PM »
It is very, very sad that there are people who don't realise the amount of work and preparation that goes into actually *hosting* an event.   They go to other people's houses and think "ooh that was fun!  I'll have one too!"  not understanding that they will need to provide the food, make the plans, and ensure the comfort of their guests.  She was abominably rude and I would never accept another invitation again.  I could understand if it were a casual get together where the group decided to get food, but seeing she invited people specifically for lunch to celebrate her birthday and was so disorganised?  Nuh-uh.   Not cool.   What a flake.
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


LeveeWoman

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #3 on: May 18, 2012, 10:53:39 PM »
It is very, very sad that there are people who don't realise the amount of work and preparation that goes into actually *hosting* an event.   They go to other people's houses and think "ooh that was fun!  I'll have one too!"  not understanding that they will need to provide the food, make the plans, and ensure the comfort of their guests.  She was abominably rude and I would never accept another invitation again.  I could understand if it were a casual get together where the group decided to get food, but seeing she invited people specifically for lunch to celebrate her birthday and was so disorganised?  Nuh-uh.   Not cool.   What a flake.

I agree with all this. And, I am wondering if her grumbling about not having enough cash and not believing she could use her credit card to order indicated she was waiting for her guests to volunteer to pay for the meal.

NyaChan

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2012, 11:04:57 PM »
It is very, very sad that there are people who don't realise the amount of work and preparation that goes into actually *hosting* an event.   They go to other people's houses and think "ooh that was fun!  I'll have one too!"  not understanding that they will need to provide the food, make the plans, and ensure the comfort of their guests.  She was abominably rude and I would never accept another invitation again.  I could understand if it were a casual get together where the group decided to get food, but seeing she invited people specifically for lunch to celebrate her birthday and was so disorganised?  Nuh-uh.   Not cool.   What a flake.

I agree with all this. And, I am wondering if her grumbling about not having enough cash and not believing she could use her credit card to order indicated she was waiting for her guests to volunteer to pay for the meal.

That's what I was thinking.  I think she wanted to go to the restaurant where separate checks would be easy.  Then when she was bringing up the lunch specials again was a way of having everyone order separately to make pitching in easy.  Finally with the cash/credit cards thing she got roped into paying.  They clearly did not plan out ahead of time for this luncheon and should have been far more concerned with the comfort of their guests.  Subjecting their guests to this half-baked form of "hosting" was incredibly rude.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #5 on: May 18, 2012, 11:15:57 PM »
It is very, very sad that there are people who don't realise the amount of work and preparation that goes into actually *hosting* an event.   They go to other people's houses and think "ooh that was fun!  I'll have one too!"  not understanding that they will need to provide the food, make the plans, and ensure the comfort of their guests.  She was abominably rude and I would never accept another invitation again.  I could understand if it were a casual get together where the group decided to get food, but seeing she invited people specifically for lunch to celebrate her birthday and was so disorganised?  Nuh-uh.   Not cool.   What a flake.

I agree with all this. And, I am wondering if her grumbling about not having enough cash and not believing she could use her credit card to order indicated she was waiting for her guests to volunteer to pay for the meal.

That's what I was thinking.  I think she wanted to go to the restaurant where separate checks would be easy.  Then when she was bringing up the lunch specials again was a way of having everyone order separately to make pitching in easy.  Finally with the cash/credit cards thing she got roped into paying.  They clearly did not plan out ahead of time for this luncheon and should have been far more concerned with the comfort of their guests.  Subjecting their guests to this half-baked form of "hosting" was incredibly rude.

I  hadn't thought about the angle of her insisting on going to the restaurant to get separate checks. And, frankly, discussing how to pay for your own event in front of your guests is just awful. It's as if she were trying to lay some guilt on them.

Mr Wigglybones

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #6 on: May 18, 2012, 11:48:27 PM »
I agree with the others; it sounds like she was trying to get out of paying for her event. It sounds like Brandon was trying to steer her into doing the right thing, so I wouldn't lay any blame on him. 

Sharnita

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2012, 05:32:33 AM »
In the original details what had they mentioned as far as food? 

QueenofAllThings

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #8 on: May 19, 2012, 07:14:28 AM »
A very P/A attempt to say "It's my birthday, and I want you all to buy me lunch".

Yvaine

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #9 on: May 19, 2012, 07:44:57 AM »
I agree with the others; it sounds like she was trying to get out of paying for her event. It sounds like Brandon was trying to steer her into doing the right thing, so I wouldn't lay any blame on him.

I agree too.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #10 on: May 19, 2012, 07:47:13 AM »
The invitation stated it was to be held at her house yet she had no food?

SoCalVal

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #11 on: May 19, 2012, 08:14:05 AM »
I once went to a Christmas "dinner" party where the hosts did something a little similar.  My friends (who were a couple) were throwing a Christmas party for the first time (for one of them, at least) because the one wanting the party said his parents had such parties every year when they would have all their friends over and he missed those parties so he was going to do something similar.  His parents are wealthy and would throw really nice parties apparently.

Well...we were invited for a dinner party and were told the other half of the couple would make his famous and tasty spaghetti (which I'd never had but was assured was really good).  Okay, I'm not accustomed to parties showcasing spaghetti, but I'm not picky (well, not that picky) and had no problem with spaghetti for dinner and was interested in trying it.  I brought a nice bottle of cab to accompany dinner.  Oh, and there were about 10-15 guests present in this tiny studio apartment the two guys shared.

I get to the party and...find out the cooking boyfriend was tired and hadn't felt like cooking so they microwaved one or two personal-sized frozen lasagnes (I wondered at the time why they made that choice but realize now that was probably what was in their freezer).  Yes, for 10-15 people, not only did they not cook what they said they'd cook but didn't even bother making other plans for food.  What's more, the lasagnes were BURNT (seriously, around the edges, they were black).  I think everyone politely took the equivalent of two bites of food.  There were no beverages provided either, other than the bottle of wine I brought (I think we were welcome to what was available in the fridge but nothing was procured for the party).  I must say, at the time, I made an "interesting assumption" (I was quite young then) and figured two gay guys (one of who was fairly fashionable and had come from a wealthy background) would have a corkscrew.  Nope.  They used a steak knife to try to pry out the cork and had to push the rest of it in after it broke in half.  We drank wine with cork bits floating around in it.

Otherwise, everyone seemed to enjoy the party (or did a good job of faking it).  I took a cue from another guest after I left (who, when I told him what was going to be served -- the spaghetti -- said he'd stop for fast food ahead of time); I stopped for McD's on my way home.



kudeebee

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #12 on: May 19, 2012, 01:32:27 PM »
I agree with the others; it sounds like she was trying to get out of paying for her event. It sounds like Brandon was trying to steer her into doing the right thing, so I wouldn't lay any blame on him.

Pod!  Just what I was going to say.

I think Brandon was trying to do the right thing but Adrienne get giving him the run around as she didn't want to pay.

You are nicer than I would have been-- no way would I have offered to go pick up lunch without money--in this case adrienne's money-- in hand.  I think I would have said something like "this seems to be stressing you out Adrienne, I think it would be best if dad and I left.  Ready dad?" then I would have gotten dad in the car and gone out for a nice lunch.

If she protested, "no, no, no, we don't want to be any more of a bother.  We will just be on our way.". Repeat, repeat.

I also wouldn't accept any more meal invitations from  her!

Thena

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #13 on: May 19, 2012, 04:51:09 PM »
Thanks for backing up my gut feeling that this was an insane move on Adrienne's part. She's always been a drama queen, but this was taking it to another level.

Adrienne was my late mother's best friend and we've had dinner at their house many times over the years. Sometimes she would cook, but in recent years she's opted for take-out/delivery to make it easier. I have no objections to serving take-out, but I always make sure to pick up the food just before my guests are expected.

In the original details what had they mentioned as far as food? 

I did not personally get the original details. She made the invitations by phone, and my dad was the one who spoke to her and then informed me. But she was very specific on wanting everyone at her house at a specific time. Dad was just as surprised as I was when Adrienne started going on about the restaurant. I drive a pretty small car, so if I had known that we were going to a restaurant from Adrienne's house, I would have borrowed Dad's mini-van to make it easier to carpool with other guests.

I agree with the others; it sounds like she was trying to get out of paying for her event. It sounds like Brandon was trying to steer her into doing the right thing, so I wouldn't lay any blame on him. 

We've always wondered how Brandon puts up with her antics. Even Adrienne's kids roll their eyes and complain about her dramatics.

You are nicer than I would have been-- no way would I have offered to go pick up lunch without money--in this case adrienne's money-- in hand.  I think I would have said something like "this seems to be stressing you out Adrienne, I think it would be best if dad and I left.  Ready dad?" then I would have gotten dad in the car and gone out for a nice lunch.

If she protested, "no, no, no, we don't want to be any more of a bother.  We will just be on our way.". Repeat, repeat.

I also wouldn't accept any more meal invitations from  her!

The problem was that Dad did not want to leave yet. I suspect that Adrienne may have laid a guilt trip on him about missing her birthday last year. He wouldn't tell me what she said to him on the phone when she invited him, but he was in a panic the day before trying to find a gift.

Honestly, I would love to be done with Adrienne. She pulled an unbelievable stunt after her daughter's wedding that left me enraged. Then there was a party for Brandon's milestone birthday several months ago. We were invited, but two days before the party, she called me to suggest that we should not come. Her reasoning was, "The house will be crowded, it'll be dark at night, and your dad is on crutches. I don't want him to fall and hurt himself!" I was left speechless. Later, I heard from another guest who was at the party that only four people showed up and Adrienne served them leftovers from another party held by her kids.

But even if I want nothing to do with her, she's close to my family. She and Dad talk on the phone every day and her daughter is one of my sister's best friends. So I can't completely avoid her.

NyaChan

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Re: Hosting without any food? Who does this?
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2012, 05:25:13 PM »
Wow she sounds like a peach.  Please do tell - what was the stunt she pulled at the wedding?  I'm nosy like that  ;D